Monday, 27 March 2023



Good evening to ALL readers, so lovely to have your attention for a few moments and today, as promised in the previous post, I am going to share the introduction of my newer book.


Hello again!! I pick up my pen once more today, the 2nd of September 2021, with still so many thoughts jangling in my mind. In my first piece of published work ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN, I offloaded a multitude of stored up thoughts and ideas and assembled them in a reasonably ordered way at long last. I maybe did not realize at the beginning of my writing, that actually I would be filling out so many sides of paper!

Even so, I had to make a conscious decision to wind up to a close. Which was just as well, beginner that I am, as I did not forsee the size and weight of two hundred and sixty thousand plus words all typed up and printed out. To say that the process went totally smoothly would be untrue and as a result of my beginner publisher errors, I have actually got two paperback versions of my manuscript as well as the e-book!

I will elaborate on that further on! What I have found since I finished writing and then typing up my manuscript of ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN, is a tremendous void and a sense of emptiness again. I had FELT such a sense of purpose, something to get on with each day that was growing, building and making forward progress. I had been able to recognize already that it was a sense of purpose and the FEELING of growth, progression and sharing, that were so sorely missing from my life!

I had found myself at the point where all days roll into one and you really do not know what day of the week it is! It is just another day which will see you no further forward at the end of it! Nothing of any great importance will be achieved. By making a firm decision to strike out on a new path, I began to find the courage to begin to believe in myself again. I was FEELING very content with my work. I was applying myself to it with diligence, care and meaning.

I was building faith in my project and my ability to actually see this through to its finality. Actually turn my pages of thoughts into a real, readable book form. I found patience that I have not previously been possessed of and that saw my hopes growing stronger and stronger. Oh, yes! I was going to get this finished, I was going to get my work published and I was going to have the chance to reach out to others!

FAITH, BELIEF and HOPE, were the central themes of ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN. As human beings, I think we are conditioned by faith, belief and hope but why do they seem to be fleeting glimpses only? What is needing for us to be riding high permanently on faith, belief and hope? What is left once the faith, belief and hope all begin to fade away again?

The back to square one syndrome, is it not? What then move into the newly vacated emotional space are FEAR, ANXIETY and AWARENESS; sad, horrible awareness of the truth! You gave it your all but you did not make a jot of difference and you did not move forward as much as a millimetre. Fear, anxiety and awareness of your own truth, equal DEPRESSION!

In this book ON THE INSIDE LOOKING OUT, I am going to explore depression with you. I walk hand-in-hand with my own awareness of truth and even more so now, having recently run through my whole life of years lived. FEAR, I live with fear and ANXIETY is the result of emotional instability, so sad to say, having ridden on a wave of FAITH, BELIEF and HOPE for a year and a half, I have come all the way back to where I was before!

Overwhelmed by FEAR, ANXIETY and painfully accute AWARENESS of my own unhappiness!


What a sad start to a piece of writing and what painfully sad reasons for needing to write in the first place. You have NO ONE in this whole world who gives two hoots for you or your thoughts and FEELINGS. But writing in itself is a great way to prevent these newly added injuries starting to fester and the MAN-MADE toxins poisoning you to your death.

A trouble shared, is a trouble halved! Well, I do not know that mine were halved by any means but I did manage to prevent the rot of rejection getting set in! Was I strengthening or had I completely given up hope? In truth, I can see now in wonderful retrospect, that it was a mix of the two actually. Yes, I had definitively given up on the wild idea that my partner would EVER support me to do anything that I wanted to do work wise! Ah!!! What did I need to give up completely?

What I needed to give up completely was pouring so much of my positive energy into all things negative! I wrote this book knowing that I would not say a word to my partner about it. He would not approve, I knew that and so, our relationship, if it can be called that, had to move to accomodate my strengthening process. Less attention to the negatives of my life and pour on the attention to my future life which will of course, be ALL positive!

This was the beginning of a new stage of my development as a person. I had gone back to the day where all things went off track and whilst I could not see how I was to go about it, what I could now see was that, FORWARDS was not an option anymore, there was no point in my putting anymore belief in this relationship. The bubble had burst and just like teeth when they break their embryonic sacks, they begin to push and shove and eventually cut through the gums, finally becoming visible.

I was in for a rough ride, that I could forsee! I was not ready yet, I still did not understand something so crucial, or did I? Yes, I did! I had always known! I was headed down a dead end street! No, there is no forwards option, only back-tracking, but how?

There the problem that the majority of women have to deal with at one time or another. How to recover all the ground lost? How to make up for all the time lost? Time and energy given to a person who never cared about you as an individual person, instead of using that time profitably to continue improving yourself. Loathing moves to hating and once in hating mode, bitterness comes with every word and gesture!

I still did not know that I was the rare INFJ personality type but I knew that I was right, I just had to be honest with myself. But whilst I could see my painful truth painted in pictures before my eyes, it was my FEAR of it and what it ALL really means to me in real terms, that had me seek solice and enlightenment from within myself, the only likely place to seek for answers and the courage with which to act. 

I had to run away from all and sundry, find a safe haven where I could safely cry and lick my new, very deep wounds and from there really start making some conscious decisions for my future, should I live to have one. That was my vision and readers of my blog, which I am writing in the aftermath of these three years of writing down my tortured thoughts and FEELINGS, will now know how I have lived to survive through to today!

TODAY! My only day until I have a TOMORROW!

Thank you so much for joining me today. It would be fantastic to hear some comments from you where ever in the world you may be viewing from. There is a comment space below and in the right-hand panel you can find my contact box and follow tab, if you would like to keep up to speed with my posts. I would love to have you on board! In the left-hand panel, you can find PAGES ONE, TWO, THREE and FOUR, which are the summaries of the ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN (my first book) posts and where to find them all on the Post Index.

Next post I will share my foreword with you all and I shall look FORWARD to that. Until then, happy learning to you all!

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Friday, 24 March 2023



Hi there everyone, thank you for looking my way today. You are right at the beginning of a new book, my second book in my Trains of Thought series titled, ON THE INSIDE LOOKING OUT! The complete inverse of my first book, which readers to my blog will know, was titled ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN! Why the total turn around?

Having found such a distressingly, dismal reception at my attempts to inform the few that I could, about my book, a deep dive into depression was my first response! I FELT that it would always be that way but I had entertained a slither of hope that maybe, just maybe, this time my partner would budge. I was wishful thinking, once more! No, HE was going to continue to be my greatest obstacle! That has not changed since!


I had no one to turn to, no shoulder to cry on, no one to encourage me or support me and did the only thing that I can do to preserve my own mental grip on life, which is to retire into myself and seek my own therapy strategy! Talking aloud to myself and writing those words down on paper. Even as I began, I could see that this was already going to be a very different piece of work but then again, I am a writer. I can write about whatever I wish to as I have no taboos!

As INFJ type, I have no order that is not MY order and I am sure that any who came and looked around my work area would be quite disturbed by the array of pieces of paper with notes and writing pads all piled higgledy piggledy aound where I sit and try and put this blog spot together. I cannot imagine that many folk would be able to get the jist of where I am at on any given day! MY order, as I said and I know what is what and where it is. Woe betide it change its coordinates???!!!!

Having somehow deleted the file for this book, I am so very thankful that I do have my hand-written manuscript to refer to right now! "Shall I just type up these opening and closing pages?" I asked myself. Then I thought, "Uhm! You have not even thought as yet what you need to write on those pages!" So true and therefore a while sat with paper and pen, saw me compose those additional pages to the book and for the moment, they are my reference. The real McCoy!  

Having got my official ISBN book number and got the title and copyright pages set, I moved on to the dedication of my book. To whom this time around? In my ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN review, Post No.4/Published 14 Nov 2022, I shared with readers the dedication of that book and why I chose those particular people and they could ALL be mentioned systematically because their prescence in my life has been all important.

A new book as this was for me, was of course going to have a different FEEL to it. I was no longer the same person. I was a writer now!!! Yes, I could write a book and a very long and entertaining book, by my own evaluation because as I have mentioned more than once or twice, I am still pending the evaluation of any living human being!!

It was another year of living with COVID-19 and also the armed conflict in Europe had kicked off. It was a grim winter and 2022 shaping up for us all again, like we had not had our fill of winters of discontent. So, I was happily immersing myself in my own ability to write an entertaining piece of work for others to read. This book was not going to be so much about me! No one was interested in ME!

I share my dedication with you ALL:

I dedicate this piece of writing to ALL the purveyors of romance in this world. To those few males who have understood the concept of love and romance, which is how I have been able to learn of loving romantically myself. To life on the outside looking in and the time that is makes available for quality thinking! To my mother and her unfailing motherly protection, I LOVE YOU MUM! To my partner for providing me with so much invaluable learning material, which sees me become wiser by the day! To my musical troubadours, my LONG-TERM partners through life and especially to my favourite troubadour Mark Knopfler, who has never failed me yet! Thank you ALL, you give me the strength to carry on BELIEVING in love and romance!

Ah, yes! Romance and blissful FEELINGS! Are we not all searching for and longing for those sensations and to find someone with whom we can FEEL that our own FEELINGS are truly reciprocated. That is what is so very difficult to find with a male. I talked long and deep of this in my first book and of course, MAN-KIND is our ENEMY NO.1, so HE will certainly not be absent from any work that I ever do, though I could look forward to a day where that is not my case.

I am a long, long way from that vision though! I have to be realistic therefore and write of what I know and what I think. Hopefully engaging other people to want to think of the critically important issues in our human lives but sat peacefully in their own space and time.

This is a happy day for me although it cannot not be tinged with the sadness that comes with the failure to achieve any of your own objectives! I must learn to take the knocks and blows that come my way, must I not? That is the nature of the westernized world that I live in, so, what else could I reasonably expect? Heads stuck up backsides, as I have said many times already! Each to their own, I guess! It is a free society that we live in but as I have also said many times, freedom in the hands of the ignorant can only spell DANGER!

Far too few heads dedicating their time to resolving the issues of eight billion people, a least a third of whom have their heads stuck firmly up their own back sides. With somewhere near half of that eight billion total world population fighting daily to surive, you can see that the rest, the twenty percent, have got it all to do and with very little collaboration from the non-thinking eighty percent!

We have got to want to live better in order to do so. Our religious doctrines have been introduced at times exactly like these and for the same reasons. Far too many me, myself, I´s again! Three quarters of a nation´s wealth in the hands of one percent of the population again! Break down of teaching and learning structures. Zombified youth who play no active part in life anymore! The walking dead as I think of them and sadly, there are so many who do not make it home ever again.

We have male stalkers, predators, rapists and killers prowling the concrete jungles at all hours of the day and night. They have no purpose in their lives, they are the useless tools, the spare parts and there will be more on male spare parts through this book too. His inferiority must be revealed in all its ugly, pathetic truth!

Keeping your head fimly tucked up your own backside may seem like a prettier proposition to taking on MAN-KIND but in reality, MAN-KIND and HIS rule of law and living, is continuing to spread. The righteous and worthy in this world will always search for the truth. The ADVOCATES like myself, will be at the fore front of the learning and eye-opening process. Getting the veils of MAN-MADE ignorance off people´s eyes and guiding them into the light of the REAL world. That is what I was born to do and of course, given the current human climate, what else can I do but send out my message on the wavelengths and hope that someone will tune in.

I would so love to hear your thoughts and comments on the subjects talked upon, there is a comment space below the post. I also have a contact box and a follow tab in the right-hand panel. Thank you for reading my words, today I have viewers in the USA and Gran BretaƱa looking my way. How do you find me? In the next post I will share the introduction of my second book, ON THE INSIDE LOOKING OUT with you, until then, happy learning INFJs.