INTRODUCING MY SECOND BOOK ON THE INSIDE LOOKING OUT. Post No.3/IN (An 8 minute read)
Good evening to ALL readers, so lovely to have your attention for a few moments and today, as promised in the previous post, I am going to share the introduction of my newer book.
Hello again!! I pick up my pen once more today, the 2nd of September 2021, with still so many thoughts jangling in my mind. In my first piece of published work ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN, I offloaded a multitude of stored up thoughts and ideas and assembled them in a reasonably ordered way at long last. I maybe did not realize at the beginning of my writing, that actually I would be filling out so many sides of paper!
Even so, I had to make a conscious decision to wind up to a close. Which was just as well, beginner that I am, as I did not forsee the size and weight of two hundred and sixty thousand plus words all typed up and printed out. To say that the process went totally smoothly would be untrue and as a result of my beginner publisher errors, I have actually got two paperback versions of my manuscript as well as the e-book!
I will elaborate on that further on! What I have found since I finished writing and then typing up my manuscript of ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN, is a tremendous void and a sense of emptiness again. I had FELT such a sense of purpose, something to get on with each day that was growing, building and making forward progress. I had been able to recognize already that it was a sense of purpose and the FEELING of growth, progression and sharing, that were so sorely missing from my life!
I had found myself at the point where all days roll into one and you really do not know what day of the week it is! It is just another day which will see you no further forward at the end of it! Nothing of any great importance will be achieved. By making a firm decision to strike out on a new path, I began to find the courage to begin to believe in myself again. I was FEELING very content with my work. I was applying myself to it with diligence, care and meaning.
I was building faith in my project and my ability to actually see this through to its finality. Actually turn my pages of thoughts into a real, readable book form. I found patience that I have not previously been possessed of and that saw my hopes growing stronger and stronger. Oh, yes! I was going to get this finished, I was going to get my work published and I was going to have the chance to reach out to others!
FAITH, BELIEF and HOPE, were the central themes of ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN. As human beings, I think we are conditioned by faith, belief and hope but why do they seem to be fleeting glimpses only? What is needing for us to be riding high permanently on faith, belief and hope? What is left once the faith, belief and hope all begin to fade away again?
The back to square one syndrome, is it not? What then move into the newly vacated emotional space are FEAR, ANXIETY and AWARENESS; sad, horrible awareness of the truth! You gave it your all but you did not make a jot of difference and you did not move forward as much as a millimetre. Fear, anxiety and awareness of your own truth, equal DEPRESSION!
In this book ON THE INSIDE LOOKING OUT, I am going to explore depression with you. I walk hand-in-hand with my own awareness of truth and even more so now, having recently run through my whole life of years lived. FEAR, I live with fear and ANXIETY is the result of emotional instability, so sad to say, having ridden on a wave of FAITH, BELIEF and HOPE for a year and a half, I have come all the way back to where I was before!
Overwhelmed by FEAR, ANXIETY and painfully accute AWARENESS of my own unhappiness!
|BEAUTIFUL SUNSET OUTSIDE MY WINDOW!|
What a sad start to a piece of writing and what painfully sad reasons for needing to write in the first place. You have NO ONE in this whole world who gives two hoots for you or your thoughts and FEELINGS. But writing in itself is a great way to prevent these newly added injuries starting to fester and the MAN-MADE toxins poisoning you to your death.
A trouble shared, is a trouble halved! Well, I do not know that mine were halved by any means but I did manage to prevent the rot of rejection getting set in! Was I strengthening or had I completely given up hope? In truth, I can see now in wonderful retrospect, that it was a mix of the two actually. Yes, I had definitively given up on the wild idea that my partner would EVER support me to do anything that I wanted to do work wise! Ah!!! What did I need to give up completely?
What I needed to give up completely was pouring so much of my positive energy into all things negative! I wrote this book knowing that I would not say a word to my partner about it. He would not approve, I knew that and so, our relationship, if it can be called that, had to move to accomodate my strengthening process. Less attention to the negatives of my life and pour on the attention to my future life which will of course, be ALL positive!
This was the beginning of a new stage of my development as a person. I had gone back to the day where all things went off track and whilst I could not see how I was to go about it, what I could now see was that, FORWARDS was not an option anymore, there was no point in my putting anymore belief in this relationship. The bubble had burst and just like teeth when they break their embryonic sacks, they begin to push and shove and eventually cut through the gums, finally becoming visible.
I was in for a rough ride, that I could forsee! I was not ready yet, I still did not understand something so crucial, or did I? Yes, I did! I had always known! I was headed down a dead end street! No, there is no forwards option, only back-tracking, but how?
There the problem that the majority of women have to deal with at one time or another. How to recover all the ground lost? How to make up for all the time lost? Time and energy given to a person who never cared about you as an individual person, instead of using that time profitably to continue improving yourself. Loathing moves to hating and once in hating mode, bitterness comes with every word and gesture!
I still did not know that I was the rare INFJ personality type but I knew that I was right, I just had to be honest with myself. But whilst I could see my painful truth painted in pictures before my eyes, it was my FEAR of it and what it ALL really means to me in real terms, that had me seek solice and enlightenment from within myself, the only likely place to seek for answers and the courage with which to act.
I had to run away from all and sundry, find a safe haven where I could safely cry and lick my new, very deep wounds and from there really start making some conscious decisions for my future, should I live to have one. That was my vision and readers of my blog, which I am writing in the aftermath of these three years of writing down my tortured thoughts and FEELINGS, will now know how I have lived to survive through to today!
TODAY! My only day until I have a TOMORROW!
Thank you so much for joining me today. It would be fantastic to hear some comments from you where ever in the world you may be viewing from. There is a comment space below and in the right-hand panel you can find my contact box and follow tab, if you would like to keep up to speed with my posts. I would love to have you on board! In the left-hand panel, you can find PAGES ONE, TWO, THREE and FOUR, which are the summaries of the ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN (my first book) posts and where to find them all on the Post Index.
Next post I will share my foreword with you all and I shall look FORWARD to that. Until then, happy learning to you all!
More INFJ blogs can be found here: https://blog.feedspot.com/infj_blogs/