UNDERSTANDING NARCISSISM POSTS 25-38 PAGE 3

MY THIRD PAGE OF POSTS FOLLOWING THE COURSE OF A SENTIMENTAL RELATIONSHIP WITH A MALE NARCISSIST.

Years spent with a male NARCISSIST are like a dog´s years, each one counts for seven!! Every full cycle of NARCISSISTIC abuse could be seen as an episode of your life. Put a collection of episodes back to back and you have got a series! How and why was there ever a second series?

TRAUMA BONDING has been little spoken of outside of professional psychology circles and yet, I found through my own research and personal torture, that I am TRAUMA BONDED to my NARCISSIST male partner. Understanding NARCISSISM is the only way to be able to heal from its traumatic effects on you psychologically, emotionally and physically.

I am on my journey through learning in depth of the psychological condition that is NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER, as my means to recovering my full mental health again. As I move onto this third page of posts, I have just finished my first "SERIES" of this ill-fated relationship. Sadly though, there was a second series!

THE UNDERSTANDING NARCISSISM POSTS NO.25 - 38

POST NO.25 - Published 29th March 2024  (A 14 minute read)

A NARCISSIST IS PARANOID AND HYPER-VIGILANT! - It seems that when you are outdoors with a male NARCISSIST, they are always looking all around them at all times. Always looking for those who may be looking at them or worse still, looking at you! Their greatest fear is their FALSE-SELF being revealed! I get DISCARDED by the male NARCISSIST whilst on holiday which I did not understand as I now do. But for all NARCISSISTIC abuse to carry on, others must enable the NARCISSISTS to do so. We make excuses for their erratic and unreasonable behaviour, when we should be reading the warning signs and making plans to end this relationship straight away. There should be no rough with the smooth; NONE at all! The photo is by Ivan Sabayuki on Unsplash and here is the link for you: A NARCISSIST IS PARANOID AND HYPER-VIGILANT! 

HE WAS NEVER A PRINCE CHARMING REALLY! Photo by Ivan Sabayuki on Unsplash

POST NO.26/IN - Published 5th April 2024 (A 14 minute read)

THE NARCISSIST TRIES TO ESCAPE HIS PAST! - I am now drawing to the end of this first era of my relationship with a male NARCISSIST and I was having to change many of my own parameters to placate my partner. Whilst I was still a long way from knowing any of his truths, those truths were out there looking for him. He was running away from looming disaster and he knew that full well. Sadly, I knew nothing of his REAL situation and continued to concentrate on providing my nephew with his education and well being. But it was not going to be long before it would be all change again and we would have to move on once more. To where now? Wherever we could go and still keep a low profile? We would have to go back to his past some day, wouldn´t we? The photos are of my first two books, lest I forget that I wrote them! The link for today´s post is here: THE NARCISSIST TRIES TO ESCAPE HIS PAST! 

MY FIRST BOOK!

POST NO.27/N - Published 15th April 2024  (A 15 minute read)

FULLY ENMESHED WITH THE NARCISSIST! - After two and a half years living with a male NARCISSIST, I had unwittingly become fully entangled in the web of lies that were his life. Whilst I was putting all my efforts into this new shared life together as a family, he was investing all his efforts into LOVE-BOMBING me and keeping his truths hidden from me. He was dragging me down further each day, both emotionally, psychologically and financially. In spite of that, he had convinced me that I was probably quite fortunate to have such a caring partner in my life. The "I´ve Got You Babe" scenario and yes, I did have him "BABE" which seemed a lot at that time. What I did not see was that HE had "ME BABE" and I really was my weight in gold and he knew it. The photo today is of a spider´s web taken by Stephen Mease on Unsplash and here is the link for the post: FULLY ENMESHED WITH THE NARCISSIST! 

THE NARCISSIST SPINS YOU A WEB OF LIES! Photo by Stephen Mease on Unsplash.

POST NO.28/N - Published 21st April 2024  (A 15 minute read)

INFLICTING SOME NARCISSISTIC INJURIES! - Well, maybe it was about time that I gave the male NARCISSIST in my life some cause for suffering and in this post I am rounding up the first phase of my NARCISSISTIC "sentimental" relationship but I am doing this in the emotional sense, in the psychological sense and in the physical sense. Now that I can see this male as he really is, his spell has broken. He can NEVER HOOVER me again. I can now see through him and recognize that he has always been the same, I knew he had a very ugly side but as the flashes of his REAL-SELF were brief, I spent most of my time with Prince Charming. Fully awoken to his and my reality, I just want him and everything connected to him, out of my life permanently. The photo is by Kenny Eliason on Unsplash and shows a rubbish container???!!! Here is today´s link for you: INFLICTING SOME NARCISSISTIC INJURIES! 

GOOD RIDDANCE TO BAD RUBBISH! Photo by Kenny Eliason on Unsplash.

POST NO.29/N - Published 26th April 2024  (A 15 minute read)

SLOW DISENTANGLEMENT FROM THE NARCISSIST! - Having cleared out much of my lingering bug bears, space was made for the retrieval of my nephew´s belongings and the soft toys have come back in to my life and the photo is of their sweet faces. I ruminate over the NARCISSIST´S complete failure to be held accountable for his actions ever and his total lack of responsibility. Blundering through life using and abusing anyone who crosses his path. NARCISSISTS were not meant to be fathers and this one was no different. His fear of his own children was absurd to say the least and I learnt about GROOMING as I watched him try to ACT as their father. The slow process of disentangling myself from this web of lies continues. Here is the link for your interest: SLOW DISENTANGLEMENT FROM THE NARCISSIST! 

HOW MUCH I NEED SOMEONE TO CUDDLE!

POST NO.30/N - Published 1st May 2024  (A 12 minute read)

A NARCISSIST HOOVERS WHEN VULNERABLE! - There was a temporary sense of relief as we moved into the NARCISSIST´S studio and tried to make home out of very little. But the finances gradually improved, me and my Puppy adapted to the new location, making the best of the situation as always. The NARCISSIST was on best behaviour during that whole period of twelve months and there were very few of the already known to me, altercations. I actually FELT pretty happy but really I had no right to as trouble was just around the corner, as it always will be when you are living with a NARCISSIST who will not be held accountable or responsible for his MIS-ACTIONS ever. The bailiffs come to reclaim the property and once again, we have got to move home. The greatest obstacle to progress has to be a NARCISSIST person, those perceived steps forward are really just wishful thinking, but any given moment and it will be three steps back again! The photo is of a beautiful sunset outside my back window and this is the link to the post: A NARCISSIST HOOVERS WHEN VULNERABLE! 

SUNDOWN OUTSIDE MY BACK WINDOW!

POST NO.31/N - Published 12th May 2024  (A 15 minute read)

THE NARCISSIST BUILDS A NEW FALSE-SELF! - So, we were on the move again and my first choice of apartment back-fired at the last minute and therefore another impromptu decision had to be made. Fortunately though, this turned out to be an ideal location for my nephew, given the proximity to his new primary school and the number of young families in this new neighbourhood. Once more I had it all to do in order to make yet another run down apartment FEEL like home. My boy and I settled in quickly and adapted to this new time schedule and routine. On the other hand, the NARCISSIST had to reset his FALSE-SELF in order to ingratiate himself with the new males living nearby. He was now a "Happily divorced man who had met his ideal match!" It was a new start for us all, nobody knew us as yet but the new set of males and the local bar, where copious amounts of alcohol were consumed, ensured that the atmosphere at home was pretty volatile. The photo is by Ilya Pavlov on Unsplash and here is your link to the post: THE NARCISSIST BUILDS A NEW FALSE-SELF! 

HAPPY FAMILIES!! Photo by Ilya Pavlov on Unsplash.

POST NO.32/N - Published 22nd May 2024  (A 12 minute read)

A NEW NARCISSISTIC LIFE-STYLE BEGINS! - Having begun to settle in our new home and surroundings, my nephew´s health becomes a serious worry and on further exploration we discover his allergy to dust/dust mites, which would require a long period of treatment to cure. This was an added extra onto the weekly schedule but we made an excursion out of these trips into the big city (Barcelona). Even as it was necessary to go to new places, so too did I teach my nephew at all times, all that I could. I would make him aware of his surroundings, where we were going and why! How we were going to get there and when! I was always guiding him through everything that we did. That is what a good parent does, they TEACH their children INDEPENDENCE skills. That is exactly what had been lacking in the NARCISSIST´S life and the reason for him (and all other NARCISSISTS), staying in a child like state of awareness! The photo is by Vitaly Gariev on Unsplash and this is the link for the post: A NEW NARCISSISTIC LIFE-STYLE BEGINS! 

GREAT PARENTS TEACH THEIR CHILDREN WELL! Photo by Vitaly Gariev on Unsplash.

POST NO.33/N - Published 29th May 2024 (A 12 minute read)

LIVING IN A NARCISSISTIC NEIGHBOURHOOD! - I don´t know if any of you readers have had to live with neighbours from HELL, but we certainly did in our new home. We lived in a narcissist sandwich, with NARCISSIST males living both above and below us. In spite of that we became fully immersed in the Spanish life-style and time schedule. It was impossible to resist but whilst my nephew and NARCISSIST male partner made many friends and contacts and were known by their names, I was always known as my nephew´s mother or the NARCISSIST´S "blonde wife!" That didn´t seem to matter at the time though, I just kept myself to myself for the most part. The new millennia came in and I finally managed to get back to my family home. It was a changed me who returned. My nephew started secondary school and all seemed to be going well; given our circumstances. But was all well? The photo is by Will Truettner on Unsplash and here is the link to the post: LIVING IN A NARCISSISTIC NEIGHBOURHOOD! 

WE SO LOVED EXPLORING OUTDOORS! Photo by Will Truettner on Unsplash.

POST NO.34/N - Published 11th June 2024  (A 12 minute read)

OUT NUMBERED BY THE NARCISSISTS! - Well, if we, the victims of narcissistic abuse, are ever to fully heal from our traumas, we must see the reality of all those around us and our conditioned relationships with them. Radical acceptance of those narcissists known to you personally, those who so affect your life and cause so much of your unhappiness and who are between them, all largely responsible for your levels of stress, is absolutely essential. And I have been surrounded by narcissists most of my life; sad to say. All relationships which involve one or two people who suffer from NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER, can only ever be toxic and in this post I am looking at all the toxic relationships that have been happening in my own family even as I battle with my own radical acceptance of my toxic relationship with a NARCISSIST male. The photo is by Jannis Brandt on Unsplash and if you click this link, you can find the post: OUT NUMBERED BY THE NARCISSISTS!  

A VIEW FROM WITHIN THE TABERNAS DESERT, ALMERÍA, SPAIN. Photo by Jannis Brandt on Unsplash.

POST NO.35/N - Published 17th June 2024  (A 12 minute read)

ALL MY WORST FEARS ARE REALIZED! - Anyone who may have been following my posts in order will quite probably have seen this awful time of my life as inevitable. Maybe it was! School finished for my nephew and he walked away from studying with no qualifications at all. That had been one of my greatest fears and sadly he had not only repeated my errors of judgement, but he missed the opportunity to try and salvage something as I did. I tore both my Achilles tendons and was forced to sit inactive for the most part. Deep depression set in, I began food binging in a way that I had never done. Everything that I had gone through, everything that I had worked so hard to avoid, was all now our very REAL reality. What now? The photo is by Kenny Eliason on Unsplash and this is your link to the post: ALL MY WORST FEARS ARE REALIZED!  

LIFE AS WE HAD KNOWN IT UP UNTIL THEN, JUST CHANGED FROM ONE DAY TO THE NEXT! Photo by Kenny Eliason on Unsplash.

POST NO.36/N - Published 30th June 2024  ( A 15 minute read)

THERE IS NO HAPPINESS WITH A NARCISSIST! - No, there is no room for happiness in a relationship with a NARCISSIST, they just won´t allow it. I slump into an ever deeper depression but finally find the will to fight back and regain my health and fitness levels. The NARCISSIST turned fifty and I booked a weekend in a spa hotel to "celebrate"! I was still believing that I could have a normal relationship and do normal activities with my partner but there was no denying the fact that everything we did and everywhere we went, always had to be spoilt by his NARCISSISTIC rages. Then the horrifying news of my elder sister´s battle with cancer came to me. In spite of all my will to be happy, it seemed that in my own reality, happiness was always eluding me. The photo is by Engin Akyurt on Unsplash and you can find the post with this link: THERE IS NO HAPPINESS WITH A NARCISSIST! 

IN SPITE OF THE TENSIONS; I DID ENJOY THE PAMPERING! Photo by Engin Akyurt on Unsplash.

POST NO.37/N - Published 20th July 2024  (A 15 minute read)

THE END OF A NARCISSISTIC MOTHER´S FANTASY - My elder sister had recognized her unhappiness and had made those important changes that she thought would see her on her path to a happier life. I explore in this post how our mother´s driving of my sister, actually led her up a life path that hadn´t ever been her own choice. She had wanted to be a nurse. Almost fourteen years on from my elder sister´s death, I can see so clearly how my mother tried to make my sister the person that she would have liked to have been. She did not allow my sister to be her own person. Back to the SEPARATION and INDIVIDUATION issue again and just how the NARCISSISTIC parent will try to live through their own child!! The photo is by M.D.Duran on Unsplash. The link to the post is here: THE END OF A NARCISSISTIC MOTHER´S FANTASY  

AT 45 YEARS OF AGE, MY LATE, ELDER SISTER MADE THE GRADE!!! Photo by M.D.Duran on Unsplash.

 

POST NO.38/N - Published 30th July 2024  (An 8 minute read)

EACH NARCISSISTIC ERA HAS AN END! - That is so true and in this post I continue with my run through of the narcissistic eras of this ill fated connection with a male NARCISSIST. My elder sister´s death left the NARCISSIST absolutely jubilant. But in my absence, he had incurred the hatred of our downstairs neighbour from hell and just five months after I lost my sister, we were packing up and moving on again. This next era was short, explosive, highly toxic, disastrous and all defining. My nephew left home or better said, was driven out of his home. I found my name of the paperwork for an enormous mortgage and knew that we couldn´t ever manage the repayments. In the midst of all this turmoil and change, I find myself studying once more and in spite of the struggle; I did get a job. This new home was as a time bomb ticking down and after three and a half years of pure anxiety and worry, we had to be moving on again, beginning this era of my life which I am still embedded in. The photo is by Tobias Tullius on Unsplash. Here is the link: EACH NARCISSISTIC ERA HAS AN END!

THERE WERE NO FANCY REMOVAL LORRIES FOR ME! Photo by Tobias Tullius on Unsplash.