A NEW NARCISSISTIC LIFE-STYLE BEGINS!

SETTLING INTO A NEW LIFE-STYLE AND ADOPTING NEW SELVES! THE SAME TWO SELVES THAT HAVE CRIPPLED ME AND MY BOY! POST NO.32/N  (A 12 minute read)

My nephew had, or so I thought up until this winter, suffered quite heavily from the common cold. I had not thought for one moment that maybe he had an allergy. This first winter spent in the new apartment, which was terribly damp, saw him struggling to breathe and I mean really struggling to breathe.

In the space of these last three and a half years, I had managed to get my residency permit sorted out and whilst it took a lot more paperwork, time and money, I had also managed to get my nephew´s residency permit done as well. We were now officially legal residents of Spain, as we continue to be still.

That whole process had not been easy and my own application which, whilst relatively straight forward in essence, the whole procedure had taken almost nine months to complete. But my nephew´s situation had been very different. In the first place; I was not his biological parent! As such I needed to provide evidence of my legal custodianship of my nephew!

No, we had never thought of that, had we? No, of course not! We had never been planning to stay long term, had we? Now we were trying to make the best of what was and still is, a very bad situation! My sister therefore had to be held accountable and move herself to get legal documentation drawn up in Gran Bretaña for me.

This all then had to be legally translated by a sworn translator, who typically charge per word!!! Then the two copies had to be sent off for revision and get the Hague Seal of authenticity. Between one thing and another, it took a year and a half and it was very costly too! It was essential though, because we were now living full time in Spain!

It was because we both had our resident status that he could attend a state school. It was because he had resident status that he had been assigned a doctor, just as I had. Thank goodness for that! 

SOMETHING NEW TO WORRY ABOUT!

I collected him from school one afternoon and his face was so red. He was so short of breath that I went straight to the doctor´s clinic with him. He had been given a fabulous female pediatrician who attended us quickly. My boy was lain on the bed and an oxygen mask was placed over his face.

He lay still for a full hour and the doctor listened to his chest again. She thought it wise to make an appointment with the allergy clinic and get him checked for the possibility of allergies. It was arranged and on taking his initial test there, we found that he was allergic to dust and dust mites!!

Well, it was cold in this new apartment and he had two thick blankets on his bed as well as all his soft toys in bed with him. We had put carpets on the floor and all of this was exacerbating his condition. I was horrified but so very relieved that we were resident and therefore he was entitled to free treatment.

Over the next seven years, he underwent a long treatment process which consisted of vaccines. In the first three months he was having a vaccine once a week. For the next three months, he was having a vaccine once every two weeks. At the six month stage, he was onto one vaccine per month.

We were given the vaccine kit and I would take it to the health clinic where the nurse would administer the correct dosis. Also we had to go into the city for the monthly check-ups with the allergy specialist but after the first year, they were reduced to once every three months.

So much had to change in the home in order to assist my nephew´s condition and maybe it was this health issue of my nephew´s that made it very awkward for me to do anything full-time. I now had to hoover his mattress weekly. I bought an anti-dust mites mattress cover and pillow cover.

The soft toys all had to have regular washes and not be in bed! The blankets were replaced with an anti-allergen duvet, which had its anti-dust mite cover as well. The carpet was taken up and wooden floor boards laid down! His bedroom had to become minimalist to make it easier to clean and dust every day!

But when that is all for the person that you love most in the world, you don´t think twice about it. You want to be doing the right thing, you are being responsible and being held accountable for your actions. You are not being neglectful and passing over your obligations as a parent. On the contrary, you are doing everything that you know that you CAN do to assist your child´s condition.

Every winter from then on, saw a marked improvement in his health during those damp, cool months of the winter season in Barcelona. It was in his final year at secondary school that the allergy specialist could at last give him the all clear; he no longer needed medication.

The cost of this treatment would have been very high indeed and I certainly would not have been able to pay for it. That thought terrifies me, it does. The national health services of some nations, my birth nation of Gran Bretaña and my adopted nation of Spain included, make it possible for parents with regular incomes, to be able to get their children the treatment they need and when they need it.

So, the physical issue was resolved to complete satisfaction and I will be eternally grateful to his pediatrician who got him an appointment in quick time and the specialist whose name and face I can still remember clearly, just as I can remember our route to the clinic in Barcelona with total clarity.

In truth, I enjoyed those whole mornings with my boy and it gave us an opportunity to be together and in effect, go exploring further afield by ourselves! These visits to the clinic seemed almost like excursions to me and it FELT good to be accruing more knowledge of our surroundings and adopted country.

I was guiding my boy at all times but making him aware at all times of where we were going, how we were getting there, timetables, tickets, tunnels and platforms, everything that we did together was seen by us both as an opportunity to learn something new. This I can now see, is the difference between my boy and the NARCISSIST male that we lived with. 

GREAT PARENTS ARE ALWAYS TEACHING THEIR CHILDREN! Photo by Vitaly Gariev on Unsplash.

A GOOD PARENT TEACHES THEIR CHILD INDEPENDENCE SKILLS!

The NARCISSIST was either taken by the hand or dragged wherever, but was never guided to do the same alone. As such, he still needs his hand held for everything minus going to a bar, going to work or finding sexual partners! Which shows how the male NARCISSIST lives his life, doesn´t it? 

He can take care of his FALSE-SELF perfectly well without your help! He can take care of his image, that is nothing to do with you. When he comes home, the first thing he does is to get his NICE clothes off and put on his CINDERS´ clothes. He doesn´t either FEEL the need or the desire to impress you, oh, NO! More on that another time!!

Obviously as a child, you need your hand held and you need leading wherever you have to go. That is completely natural, of course it is. But are you being BLINDLY led or is your leader also guiding you through your whole route? That is the crux of the matter. I was teaching my boy to be aware of everything around us and know where we were at any given moment! Actually stop and look at sign posts and indications!

"There is a map, where is our stop?" I had him participate in everything that we did by INVOLVING him in everything that we did! I would have him count out the coins to pay for the train/bus/metro tickets and put them in the ticket machine and press the right buttons. I was teaching him how to move around and how to do it!

When I went to Barcelona in 2022 with the NARCISSIST, we used the metro and he, in spite of having lived for the first fifty-five years of his life in that city, had no idea what to do with the ticket machines! Worse still is that it saw him fly into his typical "I´m a USELESS S**T! Help me not reveal myself to anyone!" rage and start taking his sense of inferiority out on me.

Sorry folks but buying a train/bus/metro ticket out of a machine is not rocket science, now is it? Hardly anything to panic over and at 64 years of age? But this is the result of not being taught as a child to be aware of all that is going on around you. You are not ever being made aware of what you are doing and why or where you are going and for what reason!

No one is ever explaining anything to you. If you try and ask, you are told to "shut up" or "you´ll find out when we get there!" So, you are just being dragged along, not knowing where you are going or why! You have no idea what you will have to do or not do, when you get wherever, you just know that you have to do whatever you are told all the time.

You are not being allowed to KNOW what is going on. Maybe the tactic is that if you don´t know where you are going, then you won´t be making a fuss and causing difficulties for the parents. But I think it is more like this! The NARCISSIST parent is so unsure themselves as to where they are going, how to get there and what they will have to do once they get there, that they really couldn´t tell you.

The BLIND leading the BLIND, we could say, couldn´t we? One ignorant, inexperienced KIDULT (a child posing in an adult body), who is endeavouring to lead a real child. He could not answer the majority of your questions even if he wanted to. He himself does not know where, when, how, who or why, so how could he tell you what platform the train goes from?

No, of course he couldn´t! But he is now having to go out into the big wider world (outside of his stomping ground), where he has little to no experience. This is a terrifying experience for him. He is having to lead the family group but doesn´t know where to go or how. But he won´t admit that though, will he? Not the IDEAL leader therefore but he has no choice, he is the HEAD of the family.

He is in public and needs to maintain his FALSE-SELF´S image of GRANDIOSITY and ALL-KNOWING at all costs. Woe betide you if you make the suggestion that he is taking you all the wrong way!!! Actually it is easier (though very frustrating), to follow the leader even when you know that you are being led in the wrong direction.

On arriving at the wrong place, he will turn on all of you and accuse you all of messing about which distracted him which is why he took the wrong turn. His FALSE-SELF, as always when almost revealed as a facade only, succumbs to the panic of the REAL-SELF who is now being revealed. A boy child in an adult´s body, who can no more lead himself in the right direction than he can an ignorant wife (or an intelligent wife as in my case) and children!

Male NARCISSISTS all NEED leading through life and yet they HATE you for being able to lead them through just about any situation that they cannot cope with. But when it is the child trying to lead the parent, he truly cannot bear the recognition that his children know more than he. And for that reason he belittles them, he humiliates them, he criticises them, he beats them. Yes, he will physically beat them all too.

He will do anything to maintain his place as the superior in the household. He earns the money that pays for everything and as such, you should all be grateful to him. "Where would you all be without me?" Surely in a much better place and certainly a much happier place!

My thanks to you today for reading my words. It is fabulous to see many of my posts being explored. I would love to hear your thoughts and if you would like to be notified of each new post as published, click the FOLLOW button and I will keep you updated.

In the next post I will tell you more about my neighbours from hell and YES, they were all NARCISSISTS too! Come back in a few days time for that and until then, take great care of yourselves.