THERE IS NO HAPPINESS WITH A NARCISSIST!!

WHEN OBLIGED TO SPEND A LOT OF TIME IN A NARCISSIST´S COMPANY, YOU ARE PUSHED TO YOUR LIMIT AND WE HAVE ALL GOT A LIMIT!! POST NO.36/N  (A 15 minute read)

My nephew was going to have to learn to become an opportunist from now on; wasn´t he? He certainly would not be able to pick and choose, no, he had forfeited that possibility on terminating his study career. The NARCISSIST tried to convince him, just as he had tried with his own son (and failed), to work with him.

Both the son and my nephew had the intention of trying to do their best working with the NARCISSIST as they both wanted money and the NARCISSIST was no longer giving any money for nothing. They were both old enough to turn aside from an academic route and so now they would have to do just like he did; dig deep and soil their hands!!

Sadly though, the NARCISSIST could not have been a reasonable boss to have. He would have expected the two lads to get everything perfect at the first time of asking, completely forgetting that he now had more than twenty years experience in his line of work.

Neither of them lasted a week and both of them walked out on the NARCISSIST mid-morning. It was nothing to do with the job and the work entailed within, oh, no, they were both ok with that. No, sadly it was the NARCISSIST himself who was unbearable to be around for anything more than a few minutes.

They, neither of them, could bear the continual picking and grinding, the criticising of each and every move made. That over-bearing, hyper-vigilant monster that enjoys your failure! It reminds him of himself in earlier years when he was an apprentice and the older guys made fun of him and his clumsiness or slowness to catch on!!

I could fully understand both of them, the NARCISSIST was no good at being father, husband, son, brother, friend or boss. Anyone who he can see knows less than him but who is in a vulnerable situation (he pays for you to eat, shower, get the bus, etc.), he will line them up for destruction!

It mattered not that one of those young lads was his own son and the other my beloved nephew. They had both FAILED at school and that meant that neither of them could flaunt any superiority over him. He FELT that he held the upper hand. Both boys would have to succumb to him now as he could provide them with a job and wage!

Of course though, you will get nothing positive from a NARCISSIST and he will surely have been thinking of the two boys as cheap labour at a time when he could not afford to pay any skilled workers! So, if either of them thought that the NARCISSIST was acting as a good father; they were very wrong!

They both told him to stick his job, stick his conditions, stick himself, up his own backside. This marked the beginning of the end of the relationships (as they stood then) of the NARCISSIST and his son, as well as the NARCISSIST and my nephew. Neither of them had been able to withstand the company of the NARCISSIST for more than three days!!!!!

OFF DOWN ANOTHER TRACK!!!

I had had satellite TV for around seven years at this time and that had certainly aided my life somewhat. I had got an i-box and could now record from the satellite schedule and later watch at my leisure. No one could get hold of the tv controls when the NARCISSIST was home and yet there were so many interesting channels that we had access to.

So many times I suggested watching some documentaries, some travel programmes, some music programmes, all sorts of different kinds of visual entertainment. We have never coincided ever in our tastes for entertainments. He can actually watch the same film over and over again and in a very short space of time.

The NARCISSIST is so rigid and really never moves out of his established comfort zone. He will never grow, he will never take on anything new and he will never genuinely share anything that you may be passionate about. The NARCISSIST is so very boring to be with as you see over a long period of years.

It could seem as though each and every day needed to be identical; according to him. No, the NARCISSIST does not want change! They are terrified of change and as I have seen now so very clearly, he has the very same habits today as he did when I met him. They have only altered when he has been out of work; suddenly no one sees his face????!!!!!

In amongst all these channels and programmes, I was able to access athletics championships, tennis championships, weight-lifting championships, the Olympic games, World championships, etc. So, I was really enjoying spending long hours (being side-lined from exercise as I was for a long time), watching sporting events in particular.

One of the other great additions to my life had been a PC which I had bought in 2006 and WOW! How my life has changed since I have had access to the internet. Even now in 2024, it is this access to the internet that keeps me in contact with the outside world! Without it I would surely be living in a permanent, black fog!

Having enjoyed thoroughly the World Athletics Championships in 2007, I started to think about actually going to a World Championship and began to check out the possibilities and costs. The next championships would be held in Berlin in the summer of 2009. Uuuuhm! Now I had never thought of visiting Berlin before!

Oddly enough though, the NARCISSIST had (apparently), always wanted to visit Berlin in particular. It was on therefore and I had an objective!! Try and get back to a reasonable size before the trip!! It was never going to be easy and after a year and a half without much exercise, my body didn´t want to respond as it used to do!

It was absolutely clear to me that I would have to change my whole approach towards exercising and be very careful to eliminate "HIGH IMPACT" moves from my work-outs. I was buying workout DVD´s regularly online and trying to find something sufficiently challenging but also do-able for my current level.

Then I stumbled across "KICK BOX" style workouts and "MMA" style workouts. Circuit workouts, step workouts and bootcamp style workouts. I built up quite a collection as I began to slowly build up my level of fitness again and start shedding some of my excess weight. 

By the turn of 2008, I had managed to drop down a clothes size and I had to be happy with that! The NARCISSIST turned fifty years old in the February and he wanted to do something special to mark the occasion. Given how I was FEELING about him then and his continual harassment of my nephew or me, the last thing I FELT like doing was celebrating!!

None the less, I went ahead and booked a weekend in a luxury spa hotel not too far from home. We were to arrive the Friday evening, his birthday was the Saturday, we would have treatments and a celebration dinner that day. The Sunday morning we could use the installations until 4pm, so I had thought of lunch there on the Sunday too!

How my plans were always trashed by the NARCISSIST; ALWAYS!!!! He knew the plans and knew that we had a dinner table booked for that evening at 9.30pm. I had left it late enough to give him chance to have a quick shower and be off, arriving at the hotel around 9pm, just in time to check-in and go for our dinner!

I waited and waited and waited some more! I kept trying to call his mobile phone but he did not answer. I FELT I knew that he was already sat in the local bar "CELEBRATING" his birthday in advance with the local guys and of course, their plans had to take priority over "OURS"!

Seeing 9pm come and go, I decided to go down to the bar and yes, he was there and looking rather drunk! "Have you forgotten that we have got a reservation this evening?" "Yes! I´m now coming!" He snarled. Already I did not want to now go on this weekend.

Even the road that we had to take was curves, curves and more curves. He was already drunk! There was no way that we would make our 9.30pm dinner reservation and if we didn´t get moving real quick, we would likely find the restaurant closed for the night!

I wasn´t in a good mood at all as we left home around 9.50pm!! As so often in life with a NARCISSIST, you can forsee all that you have to come. It has not even happened yet but you know what will happen unless you can possibly prevent it from happening.

That sadly is how the victim of NARCISSISTIC ABUSE can be identified! Always trying to prevent the violent outbursts of the NARCISSIST because she knows when his triggers all go off but still does not understand why they all go off when they do! You just know that you are in for a rough ride and that he is going to do his level best to ruin the weekend for you!

Well readers, I am not going to distress you all with the hideous details but I will say that I had no dinner that first night but had to sit and watch the NARCISSIST eating!!!! His drunken snoring was so bad that I ended up sleeping on the terrace, wrapped in a blanket, on a sun lounger!!!!!!

What a start to a romantic weekend!!!! This kind of consideration and planning undertaken by you on his behalf, is completely unjustifiable. The NARCISSIST will never be able to appreciate anything that you ever do in your attempts to help him grow and expand his life´s experiences. 

He just simply hates you for being able to waltz into any situation and cope admirably well. Whereas he panics in each and every place or situation that he has not been in as a child! In those situations that are familiar to him, sad to say, he will copy his father´s example!! But being guided by me would also see him use the same example!

He just could not adapt to anything pleasurable, anything happy and enjoyable, no, he really does not understand how to be happy, he just doesn´t understand the philosophy at all! In spite of the tension caused by him, the treatments on the Saturday left us both FEELING like rag dolls! 

BODY CARE CAN BE SO RELAXING BUT CHOOSE YOUR COMPANION CAREFULLY!! Photo by Engin Akyurt on Unsplash.

So very relaxed that, although it was his birthday that day, we called room service and ate in our room dressed in our bathrobes! At least I got something to eat that day but as you learn living with a NARCISSIST, there will never be any remorse shown or any shame FELT from their hideous treatment of you!

And you well, aren´t you just grovelling to try and keep him quite? Of course you are! You hate him, you hate going anywhere with him. He ruins everything that you try to do. What is worse is that he does it deliberately and that really is sick but my mother used to do the same. The victims of NARCISSISTIC people are not allowed to have happy memories!

"I haven´t got any memories that are not tainted with NARCISSISM and neither will you have!" That is why their lives are as a transparent mist, a haze, a mirage, a cloud of smoke and you do one thing or say one thing that alludes to their INCOMPETENCE at dealing with being in a new place and BANG!!!! 

That haze, that mirage, that mist, that cloud of smoke, they are instantly blown away and what is left is the real-self, the NARCISSIST, in all his ugliness. No, you stopped FEELING love for he your lover, a long, long time ago. Now you really begin to FEEL that you can go nowhere with them with security.

Not long after that wholly un-romantic weekend, the malignant NARCISSIST father of the NARCISSIST died. My sister was arriving the evening before the funeral as it was my nephew´s eighteenth birthday that weekend, so a very special day.

Unbelievable that I had to spend the day with a family who were all pretending to be solemn, where in reality, not one of them FELT any sense of loss!!!! The NARCISSIST that I lived with put on a good show of grieving son and I can remember FEELING very surprised at his flow of tears, knowing as I did just how much he loathed him!

He has not been to his father´s grave since that day, although I have taken his mother on a couple of occasions. So concerned was he, that he didn´t even remember which part of the enormous city cemetery he was buried in. Fortunately I made a note of that on the day of the burial!!!!!

There have certainly been no more tears shed since that day and none can say that they miss that hideous NARCISSIST at all. As such, there were no changes to our daily circumstances. I was concentrating on my health and fitness, my nephew was concentrating in trying to find work and the NARCISSIST was concentrating on his future well-being, of course!!!!!!

2009 saw us get to Berlin for the World Athletics Championships and I shall give you a link to this post published 03/02/23: CAN YOU FEEL VIRTUAL REALITY, I ASK? which refers to that chapter of time as written in my first book: ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN. WOW!! I witnessed Usain Bolt´s 100m World Record run!!!!!

That trip marked a new era in my life and I recognized that I was ageing and it was nice to travel comfortably and sleep in comfortable hotel rooms but how different everything would have been always without the NARCISSIST. Every single morning, afternoon, evening and night spent away from home, came with repercussions.

But even as I began to wake up to my unhappiness and recognize that this NARCISSIST partner of mine was the reason for so much of my unhappiness, so too was my sister very aware of the fact that I was wasting my life away. 

For the first time in decades, she decided to give her typical Christmas visit a miss that year. "I don´t know why you go to all the bother sis´. I´m the only one who ever eats anything!" She would say. "I do it for you and me!" I would answer honestly. "Do you mind if I give it a miss this time and save myself all the aggro?"

Of course I understood! What that decision did in fact mean though, was that we had spent our last Christmas together. By the next Christmas we were mourning her death!!!! In the next post I will speak of my sister´s passing away and the consequences that arose as a result. Another move was about to take place too!!!

Thanks for reading me today. There will be more shortly. Wishing you all a happy evening, check back soon! Sign up to follow if you would like to keep up dated and any comments would be so very welcome!!