A GIRL KNOWS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YES AND NO!

IT IS MY TURN! AFTER THREE YEARS OF LIVING WITH COVID-19 ALL AROUND ME, IT HAS NOW COME INTO MY HOME! Post No.27 (A 10 minute read) 

Oh, I am angry! Oh, I am annoyed! Oh, I am frustrated! I have got COVID-19. I have been so very careful and yet I knew, I have said it in my books, I knew that eventually it would be my taxi driver partner who would bring COVID-19 home with him and share it with me, of course. And that inevitability, as I saw it, has now transpired.

A test taken yesterday confirmed clearly his positive status but mine was unclear. Today´s tests have shown him clearly positive again and now me, clearly positive too. All the best laid plans, hey? Another pause of my life button, as I suffer the television all morning, all afternoon and all evening, plus he is going deaf!!! What suffering? 

In spite of the antagonistic environment, I try to rise above the situation and see today as another day. I am not suffering any physical symptoms of COVID-19 even though my test result is clearly positive. Therefore, I have no excuse to take a day off, my future still eludes me and I must use each day wisely! As such, I have been reading through my first book ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN. 

What a lovely book!!! Yes, I shall say it again. What a lovely book Gillian! I am hoping that by reviewing my book in depth that I may interest readers to want to read it. The Amazon links are these: ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN Paperback and ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN e-book

MY VERY OWN LIFE AND THOUGHTS IN WORDS!

I am reading through now, what were some of the most special days of my life. They stay in my mind as the most precious experiences that I have ever had. No, nothing that I have experienced since, has come even close in truth! This is where my future lies. What I am annoyed with, is myself! I have upgraded my reading glasses since I typed up my first book and the mistakes!!!! I went over it all four times and I did not see all those mistakes!!

Well, I did have to read through a veil of tears quite frequently. So, I have taken it off sale for the moment to tidy it up, now with a slightly clearer vision!! I love this book. One day it will be able to sit on my shelf, that will be when I will really be at peace with her. She will be where she belongs, on view, in my home. A visible proof of my work! Not as it is now, a secret! Which none the less, I am trying to let as many people as possible know about!

Hence my blog spot! Trying to reach out to other INFJs like myself who may have some depth of FEELING and get to FEEL in tune with me. I long to have some feedback on my book but if no one reads it, how will that ever come about? So, I am reviewing my own book and hoping to encourage others to maybe want to read it. Because as I live with no income, I shall not be doing any fancy promoting and advertizing for my books!

I was going IN SEARCH OF EARRINGS was I not? That is right yes, chapter twenty-two entitled IN SEARCH OF EARRINGS. We were plunged into our winter of discontent here but I transported myself, in mind and soul, if not in body, back in time, back to my homeland, back to my childhood and this is where I thought, let me see if I have got enough to write a REAL book about me. My memoires, my own autobiography, my life story, plus my trains of thought!

This was where I really began to flow. I had been gushing, splurging, drenching but now I began to flow. I was thinking to myself, well, no one will ever read it will they? This is about ME finding a reason to carry on living because right at that moment, I really could not see one reason to wake up one day more! I disappeared. I was no longer here and that FELT great. I would be surprised when my partner came home in the evening. "Who was he? What was he doing here?"

The time warps and the shock of coming back to my reality each day. But I did not come back fully, no, just enough to feign attention and give monosyllabic answers, all that is required really! My night time visions were filled with the sounds, smells and sights, that I had been writing of that day. I was absorbed completely. My now, my today, paled by comparison. I had never looked for my today, as it actually is. How to change it is my only thought now!

Well, you know, the major difference is freedom. I was free then to make my own decisions. I no longer am! I wait for that freedom again to decide what I do with my today and tomorrow and next week! I would enjoy sharing my life but not at any cost, that is what I am learning now. Compatibility has to exist. We were circumstantially compatible that is what I can see.

I had a wonderful childhood, I did. As a young child, I had been taken to a whole variety of places within my own country and it was as a ten year old, that I had my first taste of foreign travel. We went on a Mediterranean cruise, which in truth, I did not enjoy much but our day spent exploring Tunis, Sidi Bou Said and Carthage, that was something else!

This was my first real taste of the Arab world and I was so excited by it all. It really was an eye opener for my elder sister and I. From there on, we both began to build our own lists of places that we would like to visit. We both wanted to see more of Tunisia, which we were to do in later years. 

We went off to Mallorca the following summer and wow!!! The heat was unbearable. No, this travelling to foreign countries definitely had its drawbacks too. It is all about our expectations really and what they are. I went off skiing in Italy on a school trip and so, the travel miles began to clock up and the notion of going off to a foreign country did not seem like a daunting one.

But maybe it was Europe that did not have the exotic factor that I was always looking for. No, it had to be Africa and Asia for me!! I really do recommend taking children travelling at an early age. It is so important to know early on that there is a great big world out there, beyond your nation´s boundaries.

All just waiting to be explored!! But I was still in secondary school and dealing with all the hassles that came with it! The continual touching up by the boys was one of those hassles. Today that same behaviour is officially called, `sexual harassment or sexual molestation´. Yes, the boys did sexually harass us girls! Yes, the boys did sexually molest us as girls! It was pandemic. It was so systematic that I do not think that I, or any other girl even thought ever, to maybe tell a teacher about it.

It was so much a part of each and every day at school, that we assumed that we had to put up with this as best as we could. This sexual harassment and sexual molestation extended out of the school grounds as well. Men of any age would put their hands on us as girls, in a sexually intentional way. We did nothing at any time to either provoke this, or warrant this. It would take us all by surprise!!

Why did he just do that? I did not ask him to? As females, we thought that it was us who gave the male a signal to come on to us! Yes, we were and are still right! That is how it should be! But as you younger readers can see; it has never been any different. He fancies you and that is that! Out go those hands and you are groped all over!

We would have to slap hands away all day. "Bugger off and leave me alone" It was the bane of our days at school as girls. Any male would `try his luck´. They were gropers, all of them. WHO DID THEY AND WHO DO, MALES THINK THEY ARE? Or maybe I should better ask, WHO DO THEY THINK WE ARE, AS FEMALES? Easy game, many would have answered no doubt. GAME, we were considered GAME. Some needing chasing harder and some succumbed more easily!!

SEXUAL EDUCATION of the human male is still pending. As women we are now finally beginning to gain the right to not have our bodies touched by males, just because they feel like doing so. The right of the female to choose whose hands touch her and when, is only now being recognized in law! SOLO SI, ES SI, as this law is called in Spain. ONLY YES, IS YES!

Males are trying to convince us that they understand women to the degree that, she says "NO" but actually means "YES". You just need to be more forceful with her, relieve her indecision! "NO", means "NO!" I say it time and time again, male evolution is pending. The difference between YES and NO, he still cannot understand. He stalks HIS prey now with packs of other predators like himself, "NO", will not be accepted for an answer.

Consensual rape occurs in most married couple´s relationships. The sexual going through the motions, is considered the male right and as such, the female obliges daily. THE MALE SEXUAL INTERPRETATION OF SEXUAL RELATIONS! A totally one-sided affair. And husbands wonder why women seek extra marital sexual partners. SEXUAL PARTNERS please note! So as to have a reciprocal sexual encounter rather than go through the motions with their husband!

The divine right of the male to complete sexual dominance, what he says goes!! I will say it over and over again, sexual frustration is a female condition. We go through the motions every day and each and every day we think the same!!! As females we have a completely different interpretation of intimate sexual relations with a male. We do think of the two way factor above all else. That is why we get nowhere fast with a member of man-kind.

You are circumstantial as the wife. You do not warrant any consideration and the idea that you could FEEL sexual desire, well, of course, he will never have seen you desirous of sexual interactions, will he? You have to pretend that no, darling, I do not have any sexual thoughts ever. WE spend our lives longing in reality!! Sooner or later we will have to give in to our female hormones, which drive us to our longing for intimacy. That is what your partner/husband will not entertain. He does not want to know about you, you are there for him.

So, who is there for you therefore? NOT HE, at least not on the intimacy level he is not, or on the sexual desire level he is not. Empty relationships whereby a female renounces the possibility of sexual pleasure and accepts the going through the motions! Marriage as I have said, has ever less takers. WE were not meant to be permanent partners as males and females. NO, not at all. We were however natural sexual partners though!

The tables have been turned on the females of this world. Our right to decide who we have our sexual relations with and who we have our children with, is not a reality as yet. We still as yet, are not being honest as women and telling the truth of our poor, unsatisfactory sexual encounters with males. We have to keep quiet and protect the male sexual ego. Our macho studs, our alpha males, who are by majority same-sex males, hence their total aversion to coupling with their wives and female partners.

Teaching is begging but I doubt very much that MAN-KIND could even contemplate the idea that he is the sexual inferior and the sexual ignorant! He does not even know how to speak to a woman let alone arouse her sexually, but then again, does he want to arouse her sexually? No, of course not, he would then have to perform like a lover, her sexual partner. No one has taught him how to be a sexual partner, have they?

No, males have not been taught how to be sexual partners with either females or males. They have been taught how to inseminate a female, lest they not be able to work that out for themselves!

Have you as a female, ever found a pleasurable sexual experience with a male? Do you go through the sexual motions with your partner? Are you sexually frustrated in your relationship? What is your opinion on male sexual dominance?

I thank you for reading as always. Please FEEL welcome to comment in the space below or make communication and answer some of my questions. I have a contact box for sending me your e-mail address if you would prefer to communicate by e-mail. I have a follow tab too, why not click that and keep up to date with my Trains of Thought. I look forward to that day! 

I have attracted readers in Canada, India and Indonesia this week, you are very welcome my friends. Please do join me again in my next blog, where I will be leaving school behind in chapter twenty-three entitled SCHOOL IS OUT! My test result today shows me positive again so, I shall have to cancel my two meetings this week. On the plus side (is there one), I do not FEEL unwell for the moment!

Other INFJ blogs can be found here: https://lifestyle.feedspot.com/infj_blogs