FAREWELL TO `ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN´.

AT LONG LAST, MY FIRST BOOK IS READY TO READ AND ON SALE! Post No.57 (An 11 minute read) 

It has taken me almost eight weeks longer than I had planned but hey, you know what they say about the best laid plans? A series of unlooked for circumstances, coupled with my slow progress with all things techno related, has been responsible for that delay, but as with all things INFJ style, that delay has been both unavoidable and at the same time tremendously helpful!

IT IS TIME TO SAY "FAREWELL" TO MY BELOVED FIRST BOOK!

Pause for thought is often a good step to follow, cool down, take the pressure off yourself, no one is holding their breath waiting for your next words after all! My today will continue to be my today until it can become my tomorrow, so, whilst it may not be strictly true, I FEEL as though I have still got a tank full of time!

All my efforts must be in tune with one plan and that being to find my way back to square one and re-route myself. There is such a long road to take back to that point that I have no choice to take this journey in the steps possible, whether they be tiny totters or bold strides, whilst they are all leading in the right direction, they will be positive steps.

All energies must be chanelled into that journey back to my future and positivity must predominate over negativity. I am doing better every day in that sense. I have been in a kind of stalemate position for so long and got myself backed into a mere corner of that board that is my living space. I realize that it is my own courage to take on my opponent and challenge him for mastery of this board, or at the very least, my half of the board, that has been wanting!!

I FEEL already an easing of the tight, cramped, repressed, depressed and oppressive pressure that I was suffering so much from. Having been able to speak out loud to an understanding, non-judgemental, trustworthy person, has truly made all the difference. I am no longer alone with my truth and as I let more of the unpleasant truths out to face the light of day and the scrutiny of another good human being, they become less dark and they do not weigh so heavily.

There is a copy of my first book ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN on its way to that dear person and I am overjoyed that I have found one person with whom I can speak with truth and sincerity, that is what I have been looking for and needing for so long. A trouble shared is a trouble halved, well, it certainly does reduce the weight of the burden, it does!

In spite of publishing my first book in August 2021, as yet I have had no feedback at all. I no longer wait for the four holders of my book, who have had it since then, to give me any feedback. This needless to say, has caused much emotional trauma to me personally. But it has helped me begin to grow again. I had got my expectations up again and was expecting others to be like me and read through the book in quick time and be flooding with comments about their friend´s work!

Why had I thought like that, silly INFJ that I can be? My second book begins with the onset of this new trauma caused by this rejection from those closer to me. I will expect nothing from anyone or anything from now on, that is one of my new mottos! If someone does pleasantly surprise me, as Ms. C has, then I will be overjoyed, oh, yes, I will! That will help keep my FAITH alive that there are some good people out there in the world! I have one in front of me, LIVE and DIRECT!

FEELING is knowing and if you know something to be true, then you can begin to believe in it. There that beautiful yet fearfully trepidating commodity HOPE, begins to glow. Could I really establish an ongoing reciprocal relationship here, the signs are all positive? As people we really have no other option than to try and learn of a person and share something of yourself and find out how that FEELS.

I know that my new found communication FEELS very good and I am so glad that I took the risk and tried once more to establish and open the communication waves with a fellow human being. My FAITH is growing, my BELIEF in myself is growing and I will not lose HOPE quite yet. Though I FEEL somewhat vulnerable at the moment. It is the uncertainty of that TOMORROW, if and when it ever comes.

Having another person who believes in you, is a gift! Having another person who encourages you, is a gift! Having another person who supports you, is a gift! That is what has been missing for me for a long, long time now. As INFJ type though, what I would ideally like is someone to believe in what I do! Someone to encourage me to do what I think I am made for! Someone to support me and my ideas because they can care for me and what I am about!

Beyond all the desires that I have as an individual person at this moment in time, is to hear another person´s opinions of my first book!! No more no less! But I will have no expectations, as and how, I will have to be patient and not dwell on the past. I have another book to review now before freeing myself up for more new writing!

This first book has given me so much that was beautiful, therapeutic and positive. It has also been the source of much more rejection than I could have ever expected. The rejection of my sister and those known to me, has hurt me so deeply, it really has. My own mess ups and boobs have caused me so much anger at myself and my own stupidity! It has caused me so much pain as I have painted my own true picture of my life lived.

Ying and Yang, it is! A life of two equal halves, one mainly positive and one mainly negative! The two halves of my life as it now seems to me, my pivotal point is of course my narcissist partner. It is he who has determined that the two pans of my life scales are sitting permanently poised for him to lend his weight to the negative or positive pan. 

I have determined to strive with all my might to restore a permanent balance to my life initially by removing his power to affect me so dramatically. If I were to begin transferring the weight of my accumulated positives so that they occupied each pan, that would be a good thing. At the same time, actually neutralize and banish many of the negatives.

Shifting weights, shifting changes in balance, not lurching grabs or driving shoves but consistent, considered moves that are made with granted permission, that will constitute new ground gained. Negative turned to positive! Only the positive remaining, swinging lighter and more peacefully.

Chess, it is all black and white, that is all for my next book titled ON THE INSIDE LOOKING OUT. Vladimir Putin, Mr. Russia, Masters of chess as the Russians are, well, I am doing battle on my chess board with my rival, my equal rival! But I am INFJ and I have travelled a bit, I knew the origins of the modern day game named `Chess´! 

I knew it as Shatranj and Chaturanga!! In the days when the pieces were chariots, elephants, mantris, and the Raja/King! Inspired stuff but that is all yet to come!

It is time to say goodbye to my beloved first book and leave her now to her fortunes. I will always love her, she is me, the female INFJ who has no taboos now, just as she never did really! I have enjoyed reviewing my own book and will now set out some pages indexing clearly the posts dedicated to this, my first beloved book ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN.

Knowing that a copy is only just a few days away from arriving in Ms. C´s hands, is so very exciting and pleasing to my soul. So, it is out there for sale on Amazon, your choice my friends, no pressure from me! Though I do hope that I will be read by many given time but I will not hold my breath any longer, I must try and see today for what it can be, not what it cannot be. 

That is my own philosophy, give all your energies to what you can actually be doing right now and start making some headway in the right direction. What you cannot do right now, will become more accessible with time if you keep moving actively towards your path of life. First though, you need to be relatively sure where that may lay!!!

This book has helped me, a lost INFJ to re-chart myself and know where I would like to be heading. I am now facing in that direction although in typical INFJ style, it may seem as though my methods are illogical! I will INTOVERTEDLY, INTUITIVELY go FEELING my way and I will be my own JUDGE always. WHO ELSE could ever judge what will make an INFJ type happy, what is needed by an INFJ type, if they never consider their needs and qualities?

A very good evening to new readers from Canada, Austria and North Macedonia, a very warm welcome to you ALL. Please do FEEL welcome to voice your thoughts on my writing, there is a comment box below or a contact box at the top right of the page. Or how about trying to follow this female INFJs trains of thought on a regular basis, there is a FOLLOW tab just below the contact box on the top right of the page!

Thank you all for reading, until the next post, happy learning!

My first book is available on Amazon: ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN e-book and ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN Paperback 

More INFJ blogs can be found here: https://lifestyle.feedspot.com/infj_blogs