THOSE CONCLUSIONS AT LAST!!

ALL THE BEST LAID PLANS CAN BE UNDERMINED IN DUAL CONFINEMENT!! Post No.56  (A 6 minute read). 

I do not know how many other people have written their own conclusions about their own book. I had some kind of purpose, something that was driving me at all times, but without ever really knowing whether all this writing would ever be read by another human being. 

In fact, I came to a point where I even questioned whether I did want anyone to read my life story and trains of thought. But was that not part of the exercise, to find finances from somewhere? If I did not type it up and get it all published well, I would have no chance of that at all, would I?

I could see that I had achieved a lot for myself psychologically speaking. I had revisited all of my years lived and I had dwelled long and deep over many of the lovely times lived. I had cleared out the cobwebs, the shadows and many of the rattling, clanking demons that were spoiling my today!

I found the point where I lost my way. I could see it so clearly and I knew that before, I did! What I had to do, was now admit that I was going down the wrong path and with the wrong person! I could see that I was still alive and kicking deep inside of me and yet, completely inactive because of my overbearing narcissistic partner who had begun as my Prince Charming.

The actual physical stress of typing up some 260,000 plus words, was immense. My fingers throbbed, my elbows throbbed, my eyes throbbed, my back throbbed and then my partner said, "If only you could be like HER!" Pointing to the ceiling and referring to the single woman living above us, who spends all day, every day cleaning her home!!!!

"Why could I not put so much effort into our situation!" He rubbished me to the point of giving up totally. I knew that I would have to put my work aside and continue in secret, which sadly is what I have had to continue doing, because otherwise, I will achieve nothing ever if I wait for his support!

A very good afternoon to you all. Today, having longed for some quality time by myself to do some writing, HE disappeared at 11am and still (5.30pm) has not returned. Have I used the day to profit? NO, of course not, because I have been waiting on him for HIS breakfast, for HIS lunch or at least HIS afternoon tea and snooze!

It would not occur to him to say anything to me as I am getting the silent treatment at the moment, this being the second consecutive day! Not that I am bothered by that as such, I really have nothing to say to him anymore and the less he says to me, the less aggravation I have to deal with! So, even away from home, he has my mind thinking around him. 

Having done absolutely nothing today but cleanse my mind by following some very fanciful flights of fancy, I am here back on my blog. It is going to be a challenge for me to have any mind time of my own, that is my fear. Whilst I will not let him in, what he does is choke the airways and scramble my wavelength reception.

He pirates my ability to tune into my chosen wavelength, one that he cannot get tuned into at all. That is why I needed to get in tune with myself again. He had so scrambled my brain and yet, it had been a brief moment of freedom spent immersed in ancient Arab culture and a chance meeting of an African male, that brought this bedraggled phoenix back to the land of belief.

I will keep believing that I have written a very good and useful book. There is so much food for thought within, that something must move in the brain of the reader at some point. I have no taboos, it is the MAN-MADE taboos that I wish to see lifted off us all as human beings and become our own people, not as MAN-KIND!

As well as refresh my own memory stores and have a good clear up in my labyrithal brain, I was hoping to be able to make contact with someone somewhere, who could maybe share thoughts with me. I was so needing of human contact and human support, I was prepared to speak out to the whole world, minus my partner, of course! 

ALMOST TIME TO FLY AWAY!

In my EPILOGUE page, I thank in advance all those who have chosen to buy and read my book and hope they have found something of interest within and that they did not find it a waste of money! I asked that any who cared to, if they would let me know where in the world they were reading my book and send me a message if they chose to do so. And tell me about their part of the world and begin sharing!

Here are the links to the book: ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN e-book and ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN Paperback

It is the sharing that is so missing in my life. I share the misery and poor relations with my partner and all his toxic venom. I share nothing positive with him at all. I long for reciprocal relations whereby I can share positive thoughts and FEELINGS with others not be permanently wallowing in the negativity of lower minds, that is exhausting and completely unrewarding!

The AFTERWORD page, well, Maimónides again: That phrase painted on the hotel wall that was, "The risk of taking the wrong decision is preferable to the paralysis of indecision!" I thank Maimónides for his inspiration. I thank my beloved troubadour Mark Knopfler for drawing me to Córdoba and yes, credit where credit is due, my partner who is of course, Cordobés by birth and I thank HIM for taking me to Córdoba, where unbeknown to him, this worn, stagnating phoenix, began licking and healing her wounds.

THE END.

The wounds ran very deep and even today, I am still in this process of cleansing and healing and scarring! So, no less than three weeks after I had published my first book ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN, I picked up my pen and began writing from ON THE INSIDE LOOKING OUT and of course, I will review this second book too very soon. 

Now I could berate myself for not having used what was in effect, seven solitary hours, to much greater production, if only I had known. I did know that I should have taken the chance and seen how far I could get. It is about being in the right frame of mind, INFJ free frame of mind and that is taking much to find for just a few hours flow time!

I am very close to completing my verbal and manual revision of my first book and as I now have a snoring partner, I will see how much I can get done before he awakes and hollers for food!

How are your wavelengths? Do you suffer permanent pirating of yours? Are you in tune with anyone? How do you calm and soothe your injured brain?

Until the next post, thank you all for reading. Welcome to new readers from Portugal and Japan. Beautiful news to me. And a couple of comments, wonderful news too. I would love to have some more. Thanking you! Keep learning and strive for happiness! I have a contact box in the right-hand panel and just below that, is the follow tab, why not come on board my train of thought?