FAREWELL TO `ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN´.

AT LONG LAST, MY FIRST BOOK IS READY TO READ AND ON SALE! Post No.57 (An 11 minute read) 

It has taken me almost eight weeks longer than I had planned but hey, you know what they say about the best laid plans? A series of unlooked for circumstances, coupled with my slow progress with all things techno related, has been responsible for that delay, but as with all things INFJ style, that delay has been both unavoidable and at the same time tremendously helpful!

IT IS TIME TO SAY "FAREWELL" TO MY BELOVED FIRST BOOK!

Pause for thought is often a good step to follow, cool down, take the pressure off yourself, no one is holding their breath waiting for your next words after all! My today will continue to be my today until it can become my tomorrow, so, whilst it may not be strictly true, I FEEL as though I have still got a tank full of time!

All my efforts must be in tune with one plan and that being to find my way back to square one and re-route myself. There is such a long road to take back to that point that I have no choice to take this journey in the steps possible, whether they be tiny totters or bold strides, whilst they are all leading in the right direction, they will be positive steps.

All energies must be chanelled into that journey back to my future and positivity must predominate over negativity. I am doing better every day in that sense. I have been in a kind of stalemate position for so long and got myself backed into a mere corner of that board that is my living space. I realize that it is my own courage to take on my opponent and challenge him for mastery of this board, or at the very least, my half of the board, that has been wanting!!

I FEEL already an easing of the tight, cramped, repressed, depressed and oppressive pressure that I was suffering so much from. Having been able to speak out loud to an understanding, non-judgemental, trustworthy person, has truly made all the difference. I am no longer alone with my truth and as I let more of the unpleasant truths out to face the light of day and the scrutiny of another good human being, they become less dark and they do not weigh so heavily.

There is a copy of my first book ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN on its way to that dear person and I am overjoyed that I have found one person with whom I can speak with truth and sincerity, that is what I have been looking for and needing for so long. A trouble shared is a trouble halved, well, it certainly does reduce the weight of the burden, it does!

In spite of publishing my first book in August 2021, as yet I have had no feedback at all. I no longer wait for the four holders of my book, who have had it since then, to give me any feedback. This needless to say, has caused much emotional trauma to me personally. But it has helped me begin to grow again. I had got my expectations up again and was expecting others to be like me and read through the book in quick time and be flooding with comments about their friend´s work!

Why had I thought like that, silly INFJ that I can be? My second book begins with the onset of this new trauma caused by this rejection from those closer to me. I will expect nothing from anyone or anything from now on, that is one of my new mottos! If someone does pleasantly surprise me, as Ms. C has, then I will be overjoyed, oh, yes, I will! That will help keep my FAITH alive that there are some good people out there in the world! I have one in front of me, LIVE and DIRECT!

FEELING is knowing and if you know something to be true, then you can begin to believe in it. There that beautiful yet fearfully trepidating commodity HOPE, begins to glow. Could I really establish an ongoing reciprocal relationship here, the signs are all positive? As people we really have no other option than to try and learn of a person and share something of yourself and find out how that FEELS.

I know that my new found communication FEELS very good and I am so glad that I took the risk and tried once more to establish and open the communication waves with a fellow human being. My FAITH is growing, my BELIEF in myself is growing and I will not lose HOPE quite yet. Though I FEEL somewhat vulnerable at the moment. It is the uncertainty of that TOMORROW, if and when it ever comes.

Having another person who believes in you, is a gift! Having another person who encourages you, is a gift! Having another person who supports you, is a gift! That is what has been missing for me for a long, long time now. As INFJ type though, what I would ideally like is someone to believe in what I do! Someone to encourage me to do what I think I am made for! Someone to support me and my ideas because they can care for me and what I am about!

Beyond all the desires that I have as an individual person at this moment in time, is to hear another person´s opinions of my first book!! No more no less! But I will have no expectations, as and how, I will have to be patient and not dwell on the past. I have another book to review now before freeing myself up for more new writing!

This first book has given me so much that was beautiful, therapeutic and positive. It has also been the source of much more rejection than I could have ever expected. The rejection of my sister and those known to me, has hurt me so deeply, it really has. My own mess ups and boobs have caused me so much anger at myself and my own stupidity! It has caused me so much pain as I have painted my own true picture of my life lived.

Ying and Yang, it is! A life of two equal halves, one mainly positive and one mainly negative! The two halves of my life as it now seems to me, my pivotal point is of course my narcissist partner. It is he who has determined that the two pans of my life scales are sitting permanently poised for him to lend his weight to the negative or positive pan. 

I have determined to strive with all my might to restore a permanent balance to my life initially by removing his power to affect me so dramatically. If I were to begin transferring the weight of my accumulated positives so that they occupied each pan, that would be a good thing. At the same time, actually neutralize and banish many of the negatives.

Shifting weights, shifting changes in balance, not lurching grabs or driving shoves but consistent, considered moves that are made with granted permission, that will constitute new ground gained. Negative turned to positive! Only the positive remaining, swinging lighter and more peacefully.

Chess, it is all black and white, that is all for my next book titled ON THE INSIDE LOOKING OUT. Vladimir Putin, Mr. Russia, Masters of chess as the Russians are, well, I am doing battle on my chess board with my rival, my equal rival! But I am INFJ and I have travelled a bit, I knew the origins of the modern day game named `Chess´! 

I knew it as Shatranj and Chaturanga!! In the days when the pieces were chariots, elephants, mantris, and the Raja/King! Inspired stuff but that is all yet to come!

It is time to say goodbye to my beloved first book and leave her now to her fortunes. I will always love her, she is me, the female INFJ who has no taboos now, just as she never did really! I have enjoyed reviewing my own book and will now set out some pages indexing clearly the posts dedicated to this, my first beloved book ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN.

Knowing that a copy is only just a few days away from arriving in Ms. C´s hands, is so very exciting and pleasing to my soul. So, it is out there for sale on Amazon, your choice my friends, no pressure from me! Though I do hope that I will be read by many given time but I will not hold my breath any longer, I must try and see today for what it can be, not what it cannot be. 

That is my own philosophy, give all your energies to what you can actually be doing right now and start making some headway in the right direction. What you cannot do right now, will become more accessible with time if you keep moving actively towards your path of life. First though, you need to be relatively sure where that may lay!!!

This book has helped me, a lost INFJ to re-chart myself and know where I would like to be heading. I am now facing in that direction although in typical INFJ style, it may seem as though my methods are illogical! I will INTOVERTEDLY, INTUITIVELY go FEELING my way and I will be my own JUDGE always. WHO ELSE could ever judge what will make an INFJ type happy, what is needed by an INFJ type, if they never consider their needs and qualities?

A very good evening to new readers from Canada, Austria and North Macedonia, a very warm welcome to you ALL. Please do FEEL welcome to voice your thoughts on my writing, there is a comment box below or a contact box at the top right of the page. Or how about trying to follow this female INFJs trains of thought on a regular basis, there is a FOLLOW tab just below the contact box on the top right of the page!

Thank you all for reading, until the next post, happy learning!

My first book is available on Amazon: ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN e-book and ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN Paperback 

More INFJ blogs can be found here: https://lifestyle.feedspot.com/infj_blogs

THOSE CONCLUSIONS AT LAST!!

ALL THE BEST LAID PLANS CAN BE UNDERMINED IN DUAL CONFINEMENT!! Post No.56  (A 6 minute read). 

I do not know how many other people have written their own conclusions about their own book. I had some kind of purpose, something that was driving me at all times, but without ever really knowing whether all this writing would ever be read by another human being. 

In fact, I came to a point where I even questioned whether I did want anyone to read my life story and trains of thought. But was that not part of the exercise, to find finances from somewhere? If I did not type it up and get it all published well, I would have no chance of that at all, would I?

I could see that I had achieved a lot for myself psychologically speaking. I had revisited all of my years lived and I had dwelled long and deep over many of the lovely times lived. I had cleared out the cobwebs, the shadows and many of the rattling, clanking demons that were spoiling my today!

I found the point where I lost my way. I could see it so clearly and I knew that before, I did! What I had to do, was now admit that I was going down the wrong path and with the wrong person! I could see that I was still alive and kicking deep inside of me and yet, completely inactive because of my overbearing narcissistic partner who had begun as my Prince Charming.

The actual physical stress of typing up some 260,000 plus words, was immense. My fingers throbbed, my elbows throbbed, my eyes throbbed, my back throbbed and then my partner said, "If only you could be like HER!" Pointing to the ceiling and referring to the single woman living above us, who spends all day, every day cleaning her home!!!!

"Why could I not put so much effort into our situation!" He rubbished me to the point of giving up totally. I knew that I would have to put my work aside and continue in secret, which sadly is what I have had to continue doing, because otherwise, I will achieve nothing ever if I wait for his support!

A very good afternoon to you all. Today, having longed for some quality time by myself to do some writing, HE disappeared at 11am and still (5.30pm) has not returned. Have I used the day to profit? NO, of course not, because I have been waiting on him for HIS breakfast, for HIS lunch or at least HIS afternoon tea and snooze!

It would not occur to him to say anything to me as I am getting the silent treatment at the moment, this being the second consecutive day! Not that I am bothered by that as such, I really have nothing to say to him anymore and the less he says to me, the less aggravation I have to deal with! So, even away from home, he has my mind thinking around him. 

Having done absolutely nothing today but cleanse my mind by following some very fanciful flights of fancy, I am here back on my blog. It is going to be a challenge for me to have any mind time of my own, that is my fear. Whilst I will not let him in, what he does is choke the airways and scramble my wavelength reception.

He pirates my ability to tune into my chosen wavelength, one that he cannot get tuned into at all. That is why I needed to get in tune with myself again. He had so scrambled my brain and yet, it had been a brief moment of freedom spent immersed in ancient Arab culture and a chance meeting of an African male, that brought this bedraggled phoenix back to the land of belief.

I will keep believing that I have written a very good and useful book. There is so much food for thought within, that something must move in the brain of the reader at some point. I have no taboos, it is the MAN-MADE taboos that I wish to see lifted off us all as human beings and become our own people, not as MAN-KIND!

As well as refresh my own memory stores and have a good clear up in my labyrithal brain, I was hoping to be able to make contact with someone somewhere, who could maybe share thoughts with me. I was so needing of human contact and human support, I was prepared to speak out to the whole world, minus my partner, of course! 

ALMOST TIME TO FLY AWAY!

In my EPILOGUE page, I thank in advance all those who have chosen to buy and read my book and hope they have found something of interest within and that they did not find it a waste of money! I asked that any who cared to, if they would let me know where in the world they were reading my book and send me a message if they chose to do so. And tell me about their part of the world and begin sharing!

Here are the links to the book: ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN e-book and ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN Paperback

It is the sharing that is so missing in my life. I share the misery and poor relations with my partner and all his toxic venom. I share nothing positive with him at all. I long for reciprocal relations whereby I can share positive thoughts and FEELINGS with others not be permanently wallowing in the negativity of lower minds, that is exhausting and completely unrewarding!

The AFTERWORD page, well, Maimónides again: That phrase painted on the hotel wall that was, "The risk of taking the wrong decision is preferable to the paralysis of indecision!" I thank Maimónides for his inspiration. I thank my beloved troubadour Mark Knopfler for drawing me to Córdoba and yes, credit where credit is due, my partner who is of course, Cordobés by birth and I thank HIM for taking me to Córdoba, where unbeknown to him, this worn, stagnating phoenix, began licking and healing her wounds.

THE END.

The wounds ran very deep and even today, I am still in this process of cleansing and healing and scarring! So, no less than three weeks after I had published my first book ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN, I picked up my pen and began writing from ON THE INSIDE LOOKING OUT and of course, I will review this second book too very soon. 

Now I could berate myself for not having used what was in effect, seven solitary hours, to much greater production, if only I had known. I did know that I should have taken the chance and seen how far I could get. It is about being in the right frame of mind, INFJ free frame of mind and that is taking much to find for just a few hours flow time!

I am very close to completing my verbal and manual revision of my first book and as I now have a snoring partner, I will see how much I can get done before he awakes and hollers for food!

How are your wavelengths? Do you suffer permanent pirating of yours? Are you in tune with anyone? How do you calm and soothe your injured brain?

Until the next post, thank you all for reading. Welcome to new readers from Portugal and Japan. Beautiful news to me. And a couple of comments, wonderful news too. I would love to have some more. Thanking you! Keep learning and strive for happiness! I have a contact box in the right-hand panel and just below that, is the follow tab, why not come on board my train of thought?