THE NARCISSIST CAN CONTROL HIS TELEVISION!!

I ALWAYS FELT THAT THE TELEVISION WAS AS SOCIAL AS IT WAS ANTI-SOCIAL BUT TO BE REPLACED BY A TELEVISION REALLY SUCKS!! POST NO.22/N  (A 12 minute read)

I was really quite surprised at how our luggage had grown since we (my nephew Puppy and I), had arrived in Spain now nine months ago. We had stayed one month in the first place. One month in the second place and seven months in this latest apartment. Onto our fourth apartment now then and with an extra member on board.

My late elder sister had come to visit in the August in the second place for two weeks and had brought a loaded suitcase full of new clothes, books and toys for Puppy. By that time she had separated from her last male partner and had moved into a small, cheap studio. "The money saving could begin now!" She assured me. 

Then into our third place, she and my younger sister came to stay for Christmas and New Year. This time they both had suitcases loaded with more new clothes, books and toys for Puppy, as well as a lot of toiletries for me. "I´m starting to make serious enquiries with the bank and I have looked at some properties!" Said my sister.

That was anything but a joyful Christmas. My two sisters together were guaranteed to set each other off and I had to keep going out to have a break from them! Puppy would come with me too. He would get upset by the raised voices and arguing that was going on. I actually FELT relieved when they left; I can remember having that FEELING.

It seemed odd as I hadn´t seen my younger sister for two years and I was not exactly enjoying my elder sister´s company either at that time. I think I saw both of them for what they are; very NARCISSISTIC! We had both so looked forward to them coming and yet we were both rather relieved when they left. 

Sadly, NARCISSISTS never live up to your expectations of them and when they become familiar with you, they do not even care what you may or may not think of them. NARCISSISTS have no RESPECT for anyone and least of all YOU, that one person who has always FORGIVEN them for all their wrong doings against you and others.

That is where we all went wrong Dear Victims of NARCISSISTIC ABUSE, we kept hoping that by showing them, by our own example, how to behave, how to speak, how to care and love, that they would copy us and learn from us. We knew that they had an evil, nasty parent, so did we, but that did not mean that we had to be evil and nasty; did it?

NO! I made a choice not to be evil and nasty because I did not want to be responsible for inflicting the painful suffering that I knew so well onto other people, whoever they were. But NARCISSISTS make it very hard work to be around them. It seems that you are biting your tongue all the time and always thinking twice before you speak.

I had made quite an effort prior to their arrival and got a Christmas tree and decorations. The turkey turned out to be the best Christmas turkey that I have ever had. I really don´t know why they both came. Neither wanted to go out and do anything and yet being sat indoors was so tense. 

In spite of that, we were to spend every Christmas from there on with my elder sister and a few with my younger sister too. The vast majority of times it would be my elder sister who came to us here but I did manage to have a few Christmas Day´s in Gran Bretaña too.

Truthfully, I think that the unease and tension generated by having my two sisters together and around me again, had me realize actually how I missed them both but really did need to have some distance from them. Just two weeks on and I met a male who SEEMED just like me, now that was a better match!!

MOVING ON TO BETTER TIMES????!!! SETTING UP THE FAIRY TALE CASTLE WITH THE NARCISSIST!

It was all excitement and we (my Puppy and I), were filled with enthusiam as we packed up all our belongings and took everything out to the NARCISSIST´S car. Bearing in mind that he too had now brought a fair amount of stuff over, it took a number of runs back and forth before we were all done. Then one last meeting with the agent to hand over the keys and get my deposit money back!

At this point in time all that we had came down to personal possessions, no furniture or kitchen gear, just clothes, toys and books really. It was fun getting all the cupboards cleaned out and finding new places for our gear. Both bedrooms had built-in wardrobes with top cupboards too, so we had plenty of space.

One thing that I have not mentioned as yet is television. I did not have a television nor did I want one. Up until now, we had been outside exploring or playing, later inside playing games together, listening to music in the evening and chatting, it was all togetherness and sharing; I loved that.

Music was certainly very important to me then just as it is now. I had always believed that the television was an absolute conversation killer. I had seen how so many males were dreadful television addicts and I had made a point of telling the NARCISSIST that television had no place in my life; it was music for me!!

"Me too!" He said! The number of times he agreed with me and my tastes is really quite staggering, is it any surprise that we fall for them. They seem to have the same tastes and desires as you. They seem to share so many of your FEELINGS as well and like you are not both on the same wavelength??

Initially we did not have a television in this fourth apartment either, I had no qualms about that. So, the first couple of weeks went by in total happiness. There had been no more RED FLAG warning flashes! Of course there weren´t! I had cut off from anyone and everyone that I had known here prior to meeting him.

My dress sense was changing too! He was working on my character assassination and succeeding, even though I was not openly resisting anymore. I just wanted a stable and peaceful atmosphere for my nephew to live in, albeit temporarily.

As soon as me and Puppy got home, we would go out for a walk in a woody area and collect fallen branches and twigs. Once back in we would get the fire alight and its orange glow made our new home FEEL very cosy and homely indeed. 

THE NARCISSIST IS A CONTROL FREAK! Photo by Erik Mclean on Unsplash.

THE ARRIVAL OF THE CONVERSATION KILLER; THAT DREADED TELEVISION!!

How my life transformed as of the day that the NARCISSIST came home with his television!!! I can hardly believe it but it has without a shadow of a doubt been a serious bane to me ever since that day. I actually FEEL that as of that day, we have never CONVERSED again.

He would come home, get showered and put the TV on. He would sit at the table and eat his dinner watching the TV. After dinner he would settle down on the settee and watch TV, until he fell asleep in front of it that is! I seemed to have become INVISIBLE all of a sudden, only until SEX time though.

I was horrified at this change in his behaviour towards me but having got his name on the contract, he was now at home and making himself very much at home. Though seemingly forgetting that he shared this home with two other people!! 

To this day, I have had to try and talk over the TV each and every evening, to be given an irritated look and told "Can´t you see I´m watching something?" No, he has never wanted to converse with me at home. A NARCISSIST stops CONVERSING with you once they FEEL that they have got you firmly under their SPELL.

Your company is no longer required; he has his TV now and he prefers his TV because he has a control pad for the TV, as such the TV does his bidding. He watches the same kind of material now as he did then, none of which suits my taste! Why would it when we are poles apart? But hadn´t he told me that he could happily live without TV?

Just another lie to ingratiate himself with me and appear to be my perfect match! Therefore, when dealing with a NARCISSIST, I think we can state the TV as a RED FLAG too. Don´t think that you can compete with a NARCISSIST´S TV, because you can´t! 

And if like me, you cannot bear the kind of material that your NARCISSIST chooses to watch on TV, then you will be driven out of your lounge/sitting room whenever your NARCISSIST is home. Sadly, it became the first thing that he would do on coming home; switch the TV on. That I saw from very early on as one of the death knells of our relationship.

The voices on TV drown out his own thoughts, which I can well imagine were torturing him at that moment in time. I am completely innocent of all charges; I knew not his truth! I had not forced him to do anything, I was not lying to him, I was being totally sincere. It was he who was now building himself a new double life!

THE FIRST MEETING WITH MY NARCISSIST SISTER!

I had word that my sister was coming over and was very apprehensive if I tell the truth. I was hoping that she would have some positive news for me but I was also wondering how she would behave with the NARCISSIST.

Aside from the TV every evening and having to wait for him to finish watching the TV before being able to get to sleep, all was going pretty well. He was behaving peaceably, my Puppy was happy and that was maybe where my happiness could always be found. What a precious little boy he was! So like me at the same age, so very like me at the same age!

We went and met my sister at the airport and got the train home. We were just two minutes walk from the train station and whilst she was not overly impressed by the apartment, she did come with good will. I think she always did but could never resist firing a venomous shot at the NARCISSIST.

The NARCISSIST initially was all sweetness and light, trying to make a good impression on my sister. I was relieved that he was behaving nicely and as a reward for that, she was behaving as she typically did with males, being rather flirty, which all NARCISSISTS do and respond well to.

As I have said before, I thought that the two of them would actually be a far better match than he and I. Well, certainly not a match made for happiness, but their FALSE-SELVES attracted each other. Two FALSE-SELVES can only keep up the FALSENESS for so long before cracking and these two were no different.

My sister and I were sat in the lounge talking after dinner and bang! On goes the TV and the sound gets turned up rather loud. Totally on purpose, I could sense that! "Can you ask him to turn the TV down a bit as I can´t hear myself speak!" I FELT that I knew already what his reaction would be and I was right!

I simply said, "Could you turn the volume down a bit, we´re trying to have a conversation?" It seemed like the most NORMAL thing to do. We had a guest! My sister had come to stay for a week! She had come to talk with me and Puppy, not sit and watch Spanish TV!

His reaction horrified me! First he turned the volume up even more and my sister thought that he had done so by mistake and said jokingly, "DOWN not UP!" To which the sound went up even further! "Who do you think you are to tell me what to do in my home? I´ll have the volume as loud as I want and if you two weren´t continually talking, I wouldn´t need it so loud!"

We got up and went into the bedroom. On the one hand I was relieved that my sister had not popped but on the other hand I was horrified at his behaviour. That damned TV!! A few days later there was a repetition but this time my sister popped.

She told him what a rude, uncouth, inhospitable person he was and he just reared up. "How dare you speak to me like that in my home? You are not welcome here! Don´t make any plans to come again!" My sister straight away said, "This is my sister´s home and I will always be welcome in her home. I certainly won´t be coming to see you, you vile, foul-mouthed creep!"

I thought he was going to hit her and stepped in between them, he pushed me violently away, I fell hard against the window and cracked the glass. "You are not going to stay with this b*****d are you? Why don´t you pack and come with me?"

Right that moment I would have given anything to be able to just be transported away from here but the reality of it was that my sister was no further forward on home building or school finding. Oh, NO! On the contrary, she had come armed with information on English schools here in Barcelona and she had even made prior appointments to visit them!!!

There was no "I am sorry!" from either side, hardly unsurprisingly given that both were NARCISSIST. The NARCISSIST is never sorry, everything they do is PRE-MEDITATED and designed to cause injury. My sister presented a threat to his very being as he perceived things and he had FELT the need to let her know that he was NARCISSIST.

Surely by knowing his colours she would keep away. She knew his colours far better than me but she could see that it was in effect her short comings that had got me floundering and well, if Puppy was happier here??????

Great to have you reading today, my thanks to you. In the next post I will explore further this web of lies and deceipt that I am now getting myself entangled in, so check back soon. I would love to hear your comments and thoughts.