AN ADVOCATE INFJ-T REVEALED IN NUMBERS, WELL MET!

FELLOW INFJs, THESE ARE MY PSYCHOLOGICAL VITAL STATISTICS, HOW DO I MEASURE UP? Post No.2 (A 20 minute read) 

Good morning to all INFJs around the world. I have woken today with a spring in my step and a task in mind. A new challenge, trepidation, excitement, nerves, can I do it? That is what I will find out only if I try. So, having posted my introduction to my blog, I will now introduce myself as an INFJ-T and give you my in-depth VITAL statistics (NO TABOOS, I will tell my truth). That makes me giggle thinking of how our own body measurements are generally considered our VITAL statistics. It FEELS wonderful to me now to quantify my real VITAL statistics which in my case, are absolutely spot on. 

I have mentioned in my opening introduction post that my late father and late elder sister were two crucial stabilizing elements in my life, yet now as I live without their protection, my mother and younger sister from a distance, continue to maintain a connection with me that ensures that this balloon of hot air does not sever ties definitively with the living world. I have lived with my elder sister´s son since he was three-years-old and as such, my beloved nephew (my son, as I think of him), is one of my five close family members who have loved and still love me, so very much.

Knowing these five wonderful people inside out as I do, I thought I would do the personality test on their behalf as well and try to see why the relationships between this family group of six members with me included, have been as they have been and why they are as they are now. Must be down to personality traits for sure and it really does make interesting reading to me personally. 

I myself, am classified as an ADVOCATE INFJ-T type. Idealist, inspiring, visionary thinking (no taboos!) being some of the determining traits of my type.   

So the stats: 86% INTROVERTED versus 14% EXTROVERTED. 83% INTUITIVE versus 17% OBSERVANT. 74% FEELING versus 26% THINKING. 54% JUDGING versus 46% PROSPECTING. 68% TURBULENT versus 32% ASSERTIVE. Yes, I can FEEL all of that, I can! 

My beloved late elder sister was my soul mate. She had been in my life from day one, she was truly the best friend and confidante that I ever had. I never for a moment thought that I would have to face life without her. We had even toyed with old age and what we would enjoy doing with it and no, neither of us were short of ideas. My sister lived life fully and even as she was dying from terminal cancer, she could say to me, "Well, at least I have lived and do not leave a great long list of regrets and things that I was never able to do." 

I was always so aware of our differences that it ever surprised me that we always got on so really well. In adult years when living apart, we always knew where each other was and we would always go to each other as and when convenient with our respective plans. We always knew what the other was doing. True intimacy and I long for intimacy. I long to be able to trust someone truly. So, let me see how my beloved big sister´s stats come in and you will like this, oh, this shouts out from the roof tops who my sister was and the tears begin to pour as her voice comes through into my ears. PAUSE!!!!!!

As I said in my introduction, my elder sister and father allowed me to make my own mistakes but I hold neither of them to blame for any of my mishaps at all. Because both of them in their different ways, did try really quite hard to point out all the (to them) obvious pitfalls and consequences of what I was now proposing. Their influence was not all defining at the time but it has been since I have been distanced from them and as a mother to my sister´s child, I used their guidance, coupled with my mother´s wisdom and of course, as he lived with me 24 hours a day well, so too has this particular INFJ-T had much influence in his character formation. I will come to him last as the most recent arrival to the family.

First my beloved big sister who was a year and ten months old when I was born.

MY CONSUL AND MY PROTECTOR!

She is classified as CONSUL ESFJ-A and that is so my sister, her stats are as follows:  78% EXTRAVERTED versus 22% INTROVERTED. 64% OBSERVANT versus 36% INTUITIVE. 54% FEELING versus 46% THINKING. No less than 100% JUDGING versus 0% PROSPECTING. And 76% ASSERTIVE versus 24% TURBULENT. 

Her 78% Extraverted added to my 14% Extraverted equal 92%. Her 64% Observant added to my 17% Observant equals 81%. Her 54% Feeling added to my 74% Feeling equals 128%. Her 100% Judging added to my 54% Judging equals 154%. Her 76% Assertive added to my 32% Assertive equals 108%. Between our higher percentages we share the FEELING and JUDGING, though in different degrees.

But if we do the inverse, that is to say my higher percentages first, this is the result. My 86% Introverted added to her 22% Introverted equals 108%. My 83% Intuitive added to her 36% Intuitive equals 119%. My 74% Feeling added to her 54% Feeling equals 128%. My 54% Judging added to her 100% Judging equals 154%. And my 68% Turbulent added to her 24% Turbulent equals 92%.

What these stats show to me, is just how well my sister and I, between us, could always maintain communication and keep the peace between us always too. We never suffered from Communication Breakdown. She was such a steady, determined, courageous person and even in her slow, painful demise into death, she was incredible! And so was I! Nothing I achieve in my life will mean so much to me as nursing my sister, who had gone back to university as a forty-year-old and just qualified as a nurse and with death staring her in the face, she gave me an intense lesson in looking after terminally ill cancer patients. My brain was like a sponge, I can hear her voice even now. Wise, steady, calm.

"Look at me sis´, this is for real. Of course, I do not want it this way but there is no other option. I am going to need you; you are the only person who can help me right now. Mum will go to pieces and will not be able to cope and you have got to be there for our Puppy (her son/my nephew) too." The word responsible, is the one that had never been used in connection with me. I have never FELT a sense of purpose greater than this one, MY SISTER, MY BELOVED ELDEST SISTER WAS GOING TO DIE IN FRONT OF MY EYES AND THERE WAS NOTHING THAT I COULD DO TO PREVENT IT.

I had been here before or should I say, WE had been here before with our father. I did not cope that time, no, I regret my own behaviour. I did not help my father at all. Bless him but he did understand, though I needed his comfort more than he needed mine. I had my sister to cling to in that instance. Perfect is getting everything absolutely spot on when it is absolutely essential. I followed my brave sister´s lead and I can FEEL very proud of how I was able to cope. I really did not let her down.

You can see how much of a void she has left in my life, can you not? Well, onto Dad, my beloved late father, just look at his stats and I think you can see why my sister and I, absolutely doted on our Dad! He comes in as a PROTAGONIST ENFJ-A. He was the male protagonist in our lives and his early death sent us reeling into some deep, dark places that still come and visit me for long periods at a time. 

Starting with his higher percentages. 88% EXTRAVERTED versus 12% INTROVERTED. 72% INTUITIVE versus 28% OBSERVANT. 64% FEELING versus 36% THINKING. 100% JUDGING versus 0% PROSPECTING. 92% ASSERTIVE versus 8% TURBULENT. 

Whilst I share a greater physical resemblance to my father, you can see that it is my elder sister who shares character with him, can you not? I knew that, they got on very well together and he was very proud of her. They never argued, never! He could always rely on her to help with me too, she was in tune with her Dad. I thought I was in tune with my Dad but as you can see, his 92% Assertive along with my sister´s 76% Assertive equal 168% and their 200% Judging well, very similar types! Differing only by virtue of being male and female.

Their accumulated Extroverted comes to 166%. Their accumulated Intuition equals 108%. 118% on the Feeling too. So maybe you can see how that pairing of two people who were so very different to me, benefitted me in each and every way. And you will see that if you read my books, which are written from the core of me. These two could always and did always, pick me up off the ground and breathe belief back into me. I have to try and do it single-handedly now! Hence the blog!! I need help!!

Together, my Dad and I with my higher percentages first: 86% INTROVERTED plus his 12% INTROVERTED equals 98%. My 83% INTUITIVE plus his 72% INTUITIVE equal 155%. My 74% FEELING plus his 64% FEELING equal 138%. My 54% JUDGING plus his 100% JUDGING equals 154%. And my 68% TURBULENT plus his 8% TURBULENT equals 76%, one of our lower accumulative weak areas.

What about Mum I hear you ask? I have always loved my mother so much, we are as alike as we are different (she had no taboos either) and our relationship has grown much in late teens to adult life. But no, she is not the maternal type any more than my elder sister was. My mother and elder sister clashed terribly during teenage years and never really got a good relationship going from then on but I could always see why. When you are on the outside looking in, you can see it all so clearly.

How does Mum classify then? My Mum is a DEFENDER ISFJ-A. Yes, that is my Mum! An introvert like me she has a 94% INTROVERTED versus 6% EXTRAVERTED. Together that gives us 180% INTROVERTED. Maybe why she does not feel the need for contact very often!! We know each other´s inside, which is why we do not really need to speak. 54% OBSERVANT versus 46% INTUITIVE and there we differ, do we not? Her observant and mine equal 71%, maybe why we do not see eye to eye often! 53% FEELING versus 47% THINKING, we make 127% combined on this one. 100% JUDGING added to my 54% and we total 154%.

Oh, I am enjoying this! Give a kid a new toy and watch them play!!!! I know this all but now I am confirming it all. My mother, my father and my elder sister are all 100% Judges. It has been they between them, who have kept me from going over the edge always. To finish up, my Mum has 61% ASSERTIVE versus 39% TURBULENT, so 107% there between us. My mother always wished that I was more like my elder sister but I was more like her in truth.

Well, little sister came into our lives when I was almost six and my elder sister almost eight-years-old. I do get on well with her because I will always try and be what she needs, as, how and when she needs it. She is in a world of her own and happier there! I am one of the few who can get her to converse but that is because I do not judge, I do not overbear, I do not tell her what to do, I just listen and from there decide what I need to say.

She comes in as an ADVENTURER ISFP-T, three assertives and two turbulents! She is 94% INTROVERTED versus 6% EXTRAVERTED. 99% OBSERVANT versus 1% INTUITIVE. 59% FEELING versus 41% THINKING. 51% PROSPECTING versus 49% JUDGING and 68% TURBULENT versus 32% ASSERTIVE. 

A tremendously clever, intelligent, person, who is invisible to all! Two bold sisters who have led the way down many paths but they were not her choice of paths. She is our family ORACLE when it comes to I.T. She is a specialist in the field. Sadly though, we are on different wavelengths and it is because I will not allow cross words or misunderstandings, that we do not have any. I try from my own tortured, TURBULENT self, to help another tortured TURBULENT, soul. Sadly, our ASSERTIVE mother thought we should just toughen up!!!!

The boy, our Puppy. My mother does say that she could well believe that he was my son as opposed to my elder sister´s son. Is that genetic, or rubbing shoulders with me or my own guidance and influence? Let me introduce you to one of the most tortured souls that I know and love. He is a CAMPAIGNER ENFP-T. He is a brilliant artist, so talented. Athletic, dare devil type. So sociable and fun loving. An outdoor type and lover of company.

So as you might expect, 73% EXTRAVERTED, 62% INTUITIVE, 78% FEELING, 67% PROSPECTING and 100% TURBULENT. There you have one of my deepest underlying issues. My beloved elder sister and I, between us, are largely responsible for this wonderful young man being a TURBULENT instead of an ASSERTIVE, just as my own mother has had her part to play in my and my younger sister´s TURBULENT states. All three of us TURBULENTS are brimming with ten times more natural talent than the other three ASSERTIVES! Who can relate to that?

And just to round this little study off, I did actually do this test for my partner too as I know him much better than he knows himself. This is very interesting. He is a PROTECTOR ISFJ-A, uuhmmmm! 76% INTROVERTED, 99% OBSERVANT, 53% FEELING, 58% JUDGING and 72% ASSERTIVE. We share the introverted, I knew that when I met him, I liked that. He was very observant, I knew that when I met him, I liked that. He is a very affectionate (to me) person, I could see that when I met him, I liked that. He can be a good judge, depending on the situation and matter in hand, I could see that when I met him, I liked that. He was and is, assertive, I could see that when I met him and I liked that too. 

If you wish to see it, we are as the two pans of a pair of scales. He is one side and I am the other. It is the FEELING factor which is our pivot. Our pivotal point of balance or imbalance. There is so much that is good and positive in this relationship. Indeed there is only one fundamental fault in this relationship but it is all determining as you will see. Supposedly this Sleeping Beauty had been slumbering for twenty-eight years just waiting for him to come and wake me into life. Day one of my new life began that day.

A new life that has now become actually half of the calendar years that I have been alive. In him, without me realizing it at the time, burdened with grief still just a year and a half after losing my father, I saw the PROTECTOR. Or rather, I FELT the protector and he is my protector, he is still my protector! But what is he protecting in truth? His well-being is the answer to that, just like all man-kind! As long as Rapunzel is waiting to greet him, Cinderella keeps his castle in order and Sleeping Beauty comes alive on cue, he is the happiest man in the world!

I myself open my mouth and well, see how quickly my Prince Charming changes into a hissing, spitting, venomous toad. I talk much of those in my second book!! Rearing up ready to strike, verbally for the moment, I hasten to add. But sadly, I shrink back into my isolation from him and go play in my labyrinths. Rapunzel has recently cut her hair short. Cinderella has been on strike for so long that you can write you name in the layers of dust and Sleeping Beauty barely stirs from her slumber. I am going through the motions!!!

But hey!!! I sure have enjoyed the spring cleaning of my memory stores and clearing all the dust and cobwebs from my shelves. Oh, yes, there is plenty in the drawers and cupboards too. But I know each one of them, they are my most precious memories. I will only bring them out on to the table in the right company!! Know what I mean? It is all about our respective personalities and how we compliment, balance or the opposite, we rub each other up the wrong way, we clash, we oppose!

I am ready to try and communicate with anyone with a good working brain and warm, caring heart, those are what I believe are two of my most looked for qualities in others. Could we get on do you think?

To round off this post, I will just add this little detail because this really does make my heart glow. I gifted my partner THE LORD OF THE RINGS in Spanish in the first year that we met. He is a great reader, though he did not particularly enjoy that book. I had read it as a teenager and am in love with this book. Fictional characters like me....... Lady Galadriel! When I would get uptight, my partner would say, "Whoa Galadriel, come back down!" 

He himself can see the Galadriel character in me. And more recently during the COVID-19 lockdown, we watched FROZEN and well, I have got a pair of purple gloves like Elsa has and yes, Elsa Frozen is a kindred INFJ-T too! Since then, this little INFJ-T girl has got FROZEN as a nickname! He knows me, or some of ME so well, but he would have the inner ME, the real core of ME, stay under wraps. Thank you for reading. Please, please FEEL welcome to comment. 

My book can be found in both paperback and e-book versions with these links: ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN Paperback and ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN e-book

Anyone interested in more INFJ blogs have a look at this list: https://lifestyle.feedspot.com/infj_blogs