IT IS ANOTHER DAY! THANK GOODNESS FOR THAT!

THERE ARE DAYS WHEN WE SEE RED, WE BECOME ALL-CONSUMED BY AN EXTERIOR FORCE THAT THREATENS TO RENDER US IMPOTENT! Post No.29 (An 8 minute read) 

I imagine that all my fellow INFJs will know how that feels but the INFJs who can add a T for TURBULENT to their INFJ status, really are finding ourselves always on the brink of disappearing into oblivion as human beings. I say that there must always be a first time for all things and I have just marked another first. I have deleted all that I wrote last night for the GREATER GOOD, as I see it.

A NEW DAY DAWNS ON MY PART OF THE WORLD!

I could only see RED. My mind was not under my control. It was being driven by rage which had been provoked by another. No need to guess really who that may have been. All that I wrote was solid, real, true, yes it was, I have not taken back my words because they did not have any meaning. No, I have taken them back because I did not like my language. I was not speaking in my language; I was speaking in HIS language!

The language of antagonism, derision, scorn, hatred and loathing. I was a reflection of all that I reject in a human being. I did not hit the PUBLISH button last night for a reason. I had a sudden flash thought pass through my mind which said, "I bet you will get a flood of comments about this piece!" That is why I paused! If I FELT like that, then I must listen to myself, I am in here (my brain) somewhere!

PROVOCATION!! Do I wish to provoke people? The direct answer to that is YES! I do want to provoke people to start questioning all that is wrong in our lives and look to make changes to all that we do and the way in which we do it. I want to make people think, yes, I do. But I wish to provoke them into constructive thinking. CONSTRUCTIVE being the optimum word here! CONSTRUCTIVE THINKING that may serve a valid purpose.

I was on the DESTRUCTIVE yesterday and to spread destructive sensations is not my wish at all. I am against all the destructive forces which permanently seek to undermine the CONSTRUCTIVE thinking of minds like mine. I can now no longer remember what I wrote, what about that? That is because it served no valid purpose to anyone, me neither!

I did the only thing that I can do when I find my mind taken over by the DESTRUCTIVE forces, I search for the light of learning. YOU TUBE being the closest I get to watching TV, well, like they have not got some options there. I had to give him a wide berth in the end because he was giving me such a terrifyingly impotent feel that I could not believe it.

Just to explain, I was watching a self-confessed narcissist who had been five years so far receiving therapy/treatment for his narcissism. I appreciate what this is as a learning tool but it is tantamount to listening to the confessions of a brutal serial killer. The inside of these brains and how they think, why they do as they do! It makes very uncomfortable listening, it does. But what I have learnt so far does not give me any peace at all, far from it. It has sparked off a very frightening theory in my mind as to why it is us as INFJs both male and female, who seem to partner always with narcissists!

I am going to go into this further but not right now! It frightens me what I think I know! So, even my quest for distraction was only upsetting me more. I have a narcissist in my home, like I need another one on screen telling me why the one I have got in my lounge is treating me the way he is! And FEELING unwell too! Well, I got a breath of bracing Scottish Sea breeze and went off to the Hebrides and a fascinating archaeological dig. 

There it was!! My medicine! Mental stimulation, something CONSTRUCTIVE to kick start the living force and combat the decaying DESTRUCTIVE forces that dog my life and the lives of all of us directly or indirectly. He actually notes that the only time I SHUT up talking is when I am watching a documentary! He is not wrong in principle but I do not watch anything ever, I do not see the point in that. What is that about? Pleasing the eyes?

I am so INTUITIVE and so FEELING that I just immerse myself and absorb everything when it catches my interest. That is why I have a permanent copy of everything of meaning in my memory stores and wow! How I love to expand on those when asleep? I actually slept from 11.30pm until 6.30am, when I went to the bathroom and then back to sleep. It was 10am when my partner arose and within ten seconds, I could hear the TV. I closed the bedroom door and went back to the archaeological dig in my sleep.

I woke at 3pm! That Scottish Sea breeze seemed to have cleared out my nostrils just like my Norfolk North Sea breeze always used to do. We seemed to be plagued by colds and coughs as young children in the 1960s and 1970s. My mother would get us all well wrapped up and packed into the car and off to the sea side. In mid-winter our Norfolk coast line is rough. It is beautiful for sure, but the winds are gale force, the waves are crashing wildly. But how it all seems to clear the respiratory system, it really does!

That thickness of head is removed too and we would always feel better after this day spent with nature and her curative powers! Well, of course, I am being romantic here, the Scottish Sea breeze I have yet to know and yes, I am now a week into my COVID-19 infection, as such I can hope that I will now be FEELING more on form again in the next few days. But the long hours spent digging on that wind swept Hebridean island for the best part of fifteen hours, has certainly seen my airways a lot clearer today!!!

What had been my intention today in my blog, continue reviewing my book, ah yes! I have needed to talk about now more than the past. I live now and now is a result of the past. Until you make a decision to relegate something that belongs to the NOW to the PAST, they will always be overlapping! 

I see that today I have readers joining me from the United States of America as well as Canada, Spain and Indonesia. You are ALL very welcome, please do not FEEL afraid to comment on my blogs there is a space for your comments below. That is what I would so like ALL of you as readers to do. I also have a contact box in the right-hand panel for e-mail communication or why not click the follow tab and keep up to date? We need to be communicating, we need to be supporting each other from a distance, we need to have a place where we know we can find caring, understanding fellow INFJs who are ALL in tune with the CONSTRUCTIVE forces.

As undisciplined as I am by nature, I shall not say what my next blog might or might not be about. I have been trying to work off a plan and apply a modicum of order to my own work and that is back firing. I have got the lyrics of a Sex Pistols song flooding my mind right now. `PROBLEM´ is the song title. I am smiling though, I cannot even follow my own plan. I know why though! I do not do ORDER as others do.

I FEEL my way and that is where I am always happiest, at least if I am pleasing myself, something positive I am achieving. I have now got my mother´s voice ringing in my head saying, "You only really ever learn things for the purpose that they can serve to you!" "Why else would I spend the time learning if not for that reason?" I would contest! So that my learning can serve someone elses purposes, NO?? I will not lend my brain to ill usage, NO, NO and NO!

Free flow it is, that is my way. How I FEEL at that moment in time. How do you work? Do you have self-discipline? Do you need to stick to instructions and guidelines? Or are you like me and find guidelines too restricting? Are you your own guide?

Thank you all for reading. Until the next blog, happy learning! With great happiness, I can give you the Amazon links to my first book: ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN Paperback and ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN e-book

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