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"TO KNOW THE TRUTH, YOU HAVE TO FIND THE TRUTH, ONLY THERE DOES THE TRUTH LIE."

Saturday 17 December 2022

IT IS ANOTHER DAY! THANK GOODNESS FOR THAT!

THERE ARE DAYS WHEN WE SEE RED, WE BECOME ALL-CONSUMED BY AN EXTERIOR FORCE THAT THREATENS TO RENDER US IMPOTENT! Post No.29 (An 8 minute read) 


I imagine that all my fellow INFJs will know how that feels but the INFJs who can add a T for TURBULENT to their INFJ status, really are finding ourselves always on the brink of disappearing into oblivion as human beings. I say that there must always be a first time for all things and I have just marked another first. I have deleted all that I wrote last night for the GREATER GOOD, as I see it.
a beautiful pink and orange sunrise out of my window
A NEW DAY DAWNS ON MY PART OF THE WORLD!

I could only see RED. My mind was not under my control. It was being driven by rage which had been provoked by another. No need to guess really who that may have been. All that I wrote was solid, real, true, yes it was, I have not taken back my words because they did not have any meaning. No, I have taken them back because I did not like my language. I was not speaking in my language; I was speaking in HIS language!

The language of antagonism, derision, scorn, hatred and loathing. I was a reflection of all that I reject in a human being. I did not hit the PUBLISH button last night for a reason. I had a sudden flash thought pass through my mind which said, "I bet you will get a flood of comments about this piece!" That is why I paused! If I FELT like that, then I must listen to myself, I am in here (my brain) somewhere!

PROVOCATION!! Do I wish to provoke people? The direct answer to that is YES! I do want to provoke people to start questioning all that is wrong in our lives and look to make changes to all that we do and the way in which we do it. I want to make people think, yes, I do. But I wish to provoke them into constructive thinking. CONSTRUCTIVE being the optimum word here! CONSTRUCTIVE THINKING that may serve a valid purpose.

I was on the DESTRUCTIVE yesterday and to spread destructive sensations is not my wish at all. I am against all the destructive forces which permanently seek to undermine the CONSTRUCTIVE thinking of minds like mine. I can now no longer remember what I wrote, what about that? That is because it served no valid purpose to anyone, me neither!

I did the only thing that I can do when I find my mind taken over by the DESTRUCTIVE forces, I search for the light of learning. YOU TUBE being the closest I get to watching TV, well, like they have not got some options there. I had to give him a wide berth in the end because he was giving me such a terrifyingly impotent feel that I could not believe it.

Just to explain, I was watching a self-confessed narcissist who had been five years so far receiving therapy/treatment for his narcissism. I appreciate what this is as a learning tool but it is tantamount to listening to the confessions of a brutal serial killer. The inside of these brains and how they think, why they do as they do! It makes very uncomfortable listening, it does. But what I have learnt so far does not give me any peace at all, far from it. It has sparked off a very frightening theory in my mind as to why it is us as INFJs both male and female, who seem to partner always with narcissists!

I am going to go into this further but not right now! It frightens me what I think I know! So, even my quest for distraction was only upsetting me more. I have a narcissist in my home, like I need another one on screen telling me why the one I have got in my lounge is treating me the way he is! And FEELING unwell too! Well, I got a breath of bracing Scottish Sea breeze and went off to the Hebrides and a fascinating archaeological dig. 

There it was!! My medicine! Mental stimulation, something CONSTRUCTIVE to kick start the living force and combat the decaying DESTRUCTIVE forces that dog my life and the lives of all of us directly or indirectly. He actually notes that the only time I SHUT up talking is when I am watching a documentary! He is not wrong in principle but I do not watch anything ever, I do not see the point in that. What is that about? Pleasing the eyes?

I am so INTUITIVE and so FEELING that I just immerse myself and absorb everything when it catches my interest. That is why I have a permanent copy of everything of meaning in my memory stores and wow! How I love to expand on those when asleep? I actually slept from 11.30pm until 6.30am, when I went to the bathroom and then back to sleep. It was 10am when my partner arose and within ten seconds, I could hear the TV. I closed the bedroom door and went back to the archaeological dig in my sleep.

I woke at 3pm! That Scottish Sea breeze seemed to have cleared out my nostrils just like my Norfolk North Sea breeze always used to do. We seemed to be plagued by colds and coughs as young children in the 1960s and 1970s. My mother would get us all well wrapped up and packed into the car and off to the sea side. In mid-winter our Norfolk coast line is rough. It is beautiful for sure, but the winds are gale force, the waves are crashing wildly. But how it all seems to clear the respiratory system, it really does!

That thickness of head is removed too and we would always feel better after this day spent with nature and her curative powers! Well, of course, I am being romantic here, the Scottish Sea breeze I have yet to know and yes, I am now a week into my COVID-19 infection, as such I can hope that I will now be FEELING more on form again in the next few days. But the long hours spent digging on that wind swept Hebridean island for the best part of fifteen hours, has certainly seen my airways a lot clearer today!!!

What had been my intention today in my blog, continue reviewing my book, ah yes! I have needed to talk about now more than the past. I live now and now is a result of the past. Until you make a decision to relegate something that belongs to the NOW to the PAST, they will always be overlapping! 

I see that today I have readers joining me from the United States of America as well as Canada, Spain and Indonesia. You are ALL very welcome, please do not FEEL afraid to comment on my blogs there is a space for your comments below. That is what I would so like ALL of you as readers to do. I also have a contact box in the right-hand panel for e-mail communication or why not click the follow tab and keep up to date? We need to be communicating, we need to be supporting each other from a distance, we need to have a place where we know we can find caring, understanding fellow INFJs who are ALL in tune with the CONSTRUCTIVE forces.

As undisciplined as I am by nature, I shall not say what my next blog might or might not be about. I have been trying to work off a plan and apply a modicum of order to my own work and that is back firing. I have got the lyrics of a Sex Pistols song flooding my mind right now. `PROBLEM´ is the song title. I am smiling though, I cannot even follow my own plan. I know why though! I do not do ORDER as others do.

I FEEL my way and that is where I am always happiest, at least if I am pleasing myself, something positive I am achieving. I have now got my mother´s voice ringing in my head saying, "You only really ever learn things for the purpose that they can serve to you!" "Why else would I spend the time learning if not for that reason?" I would contest! So that my learning can serve someone elses purposes, NO?? I will not lend my brain to ill usage, NO, NO and NO!

Free flow it is, that is my way. How I FEEL at that moment in time. How do you work? Do you have self-discipline? Do you need to stick to instructions and guidelines? Or are you like me and find guidelines too restricting? Are you your own guide?

Thank you all for reading. Until the next blog, happy learning! With great happiness, I can give you the Amazon links to my first book: ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN Paperback and ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN e-book

Other INFJ bloggers can be found here: https://lifestyle.feedspot.com/infj_blogs

Thursday 15 December 2022

SCHOOL DAYS ARE DONE! THANK HEAVENS FOR THAT!!!

EVER INCREASING CIRCLES....... SEX, DRUGS AND ROCK AND ROLL! Post No.28 (A 16 minute read) 

I do not know how many of you readers absolutely longed to finish secondary school and continue to increase your circles of movement. I know I did! School felt like a going through the motions to me! What point was there in all of this, I asked myself with great regularity? Even as those ever increasing circles took me further and further away from all those that I had previously known, I did not FEEL any sense of regret at all.

It seemed right, these people were not going down my path, was it not inevitable therefore, that we would part company. I for my part, was glad when we did. That proximity day after day with those same people was always a tough ask! What did we learn, I also ask myself? Well, right now I am thinking that one of the things that we learnt was tolerance! How to put up with people that you did not necessarily like or get on with!

Quite important learning really, was it not? That primarily, is what we have to do most of every day of our lives, is it not? TOLERATE. Well, I have stopped tolerating by and large. No, that is maybe what we should never have done. TOLERATE. As I said in my last blog, the continual touching up of the boys should have been UNTOLERABLE!! It was UNTOLERABLE to us as girls, it was! But we had to TOLERATE it!!

No uncertain amount of freedom came my way on leaving secondary school therefore, and touching up daily, became a thing of the past!! It continued to be frequent but not the sustained daily onslaught that was the school day!! I was living and breathing music by this stage and had been to a number of musical gigs already. I did not have any fixed plans as yet, I think it takes some time to shrug off school before you can start thinking clearly again. Know what I mean?

my home made christmas wreath hanging on my front door
HAPPY WINTER HOLIDAYS TO ALL!

Good afternoon to you readers around the world, you find me today writing from my bed. I FELT better this morning but with the television overheating in the lounge, I am staying confined to my bedroom. Shades of the past and visions of the future all in one!! Today I am reviewing chapter twenty-three of my first book ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN, which is entitled SCHOOL IS OUT!

Should you be interested in buying my book, you can find it on Amazon with these links: ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN Paperback and ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN e-book

Having had the summer holiday breather, I headed away from home to college and began to find a more independent state of being. But that was clearly a case of the grass is greener and I decided to carry on my second year of the course back in my home city college. That was for the September term though, first we had the summer holidays.

My beloved late elder sister was now working and had a small flat just round the corner from the college. Can you believe it? She had started her career in the travel business, figuring that there would be cheap opportunities of travel from within the business and she was not wrong. So it was that we headed off on our first foreign trip together. She had a two for the price of one and we headed off to Morocco.

It was the beginning of today for me and for her. It whet our appetite for the exotic and travel became our focus. I had one of the only good relationships with a guy that I have ever had at this time and this was a beautiful year in my life. I fell in love for the first time and I did really love this young man. Two and a half years we stayed together and it was with great sadness that we parted company.

But before that, we shared much. College finished for me and another trip was arranged with my elder sister. Another two for one to a Greek island which we enjoyed. I was no longer a student and had to look for work and well, my elder sister was working evenings in one of the most IN places of the times in my home city. Our father did the interior designs, although he never got paid for it!! I came along, had a chat with the boss and was taken on.

I started my first job and the student days and schedules were left behind. They were good days, some of my most fulfilling days spent in my country. We were a nice crowd, the Young Punks of my home city. There were some fabulous pubs to hang out in beside the one that I worked in. Many of which had their interiors designed by my father as well!!! Music was omnipresent in our lives and there was a lot of thinking going on.

We were anarchists, we could see through our leaders, we could see the classist society that was being upheld, based on wealth and rank possessing. Much of the music of the times sang about the issues that we were facing as youths in my country and beyond. We branched out musically and were tuning in to many different beats. Now it seems that there is just the one musical beat, the dead beat!!

Sri Lanka was our next port of call and I who had longed to have close ups with elephants, was in heaven. My sister and I really did have a fabulous time and yes, I did have my beautiful day with elephants, another of those days of my life that will never fade into oblivion! I can still smell the elephants, still hear them, still FEEL them. Pure magic! I also found out what it was to have sun stroke too. I had known air sickness, sea sickness, road sickness and now sun sickness, but there was not any sun!!!

No, there was no sun on that day, there was not. It was grey and drizzly but it was very hot none the less. It was the beginning of the monsoon season, muggy and wet but still very hot. Be warned please!! Sun stroke is very unpleasant, it is. As you can read in this chapter of my book.

Each time I came back, I picked up where I had left off with my guy but of course, he was not sat still whilst I was doing my thing! No, he had his own plans and ambitions. That was part of the attraction you know. Here was a guy who knew what he wanted, who had his ambitions, just like me. But our ambitions were so very different. We could support each other always, just as we supported our separation further down the line of time.

He would have made a wonderful soul mate, he was INFJ, I can see it, just that our skills were distinct.

Have you had good relationships that have come to a natural end? Do you remember any teenage relationships favourably? Can you see how difficult it is to find your partner at this young age?

I thank you for reading and please FEEL welcome to comment in the space below or make communication via my contact box in the right-hand panel where you can also find my follow tab, if you would like to keep up to date with me. Next post I will be FINDING FINANCES.......ALL THE WAY TO BOMBAY in chapter twenty-four, so check that out. 

For now, I shall make a cup of tea and have a snooze. Until next time, happy learning.

More INFJ writers can be found here: https://lifestyle.feedspot.com/infj_blogs



Wednesday 14 December 2022

A GIRL KNOWS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YES AND NO!

IT IS MY TURN! AFTER THREE YEARS OF LIVING WITH COVID-19 ALL AROUND ME, IT HAS NOW COME INTO MY HOME! Post No.27 (A 10 minute read) 

Oh, I am angry! Oh, I am annoyed! Oh, I am frustrated! I have got COVID-19. I have been so very careful and yet I knew, I have said it in my books, I knew that eventually it would be my taxi driver partner who would bring COVID-19 home with him and share it with me, of course. And that inevitability, as I saw it, has now transpired.

A test taken yesterday confirmed clearly his positive status but mine was unclear. Today´s tests have shown him clearly positive again and now me, clearly positive too. All the best laid plans, hey? Another pause of my life button, as I suffer the television all morning, all afternoon and all evening, plus he is going deaf!!! What suffering? 

In spite of the antagonistic environment, I try to rise above the situation and see today as another day. I am not suffering any physical symptoms of COVID-19 even though my test result is clearly positive. Therefore, I have no excuse to take a day off, my future still eludes me and I must use each day wisely! As such, I have been reading through my first book ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN. 

What a lovely book!!! Yes, I shall say it again. What a lovely book Gillian! I am hoping that by reviewing my book in depth that I may interest readers to want to read it. The Amazon links are these: ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN Paperback and ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN e-book

on the outside looking in, my book front cover
MY VERY OWN LIFE AND THOUGHTS IN WORDS!

I am reading through now, what were some of the most special days of my life. They stay in my mind as the most precious experiences that I have ever had. No, nothing that I have experienced since, has come even close in truth! This is where my future lies. What I am annoyed with, is myself! I have upgraded my reading glasses since I typed up my first book and the mistakes!!!! I went over it all four times and I did not see all those mistakes!!

Well, I did have to read through a veil of tears quite frequently. So, I have taken it off sale for the moment to tidy it up, now with a slightly clearer vision!! I love this book. One day it will be able to sit on my shelf, that will be when I will really be at peace with her. She will be where she belongs, on view, in my home. A visible proof of my work! Not as it is now, a secret! Which none the less, I am trying to let as many people as possible know about!

Hence my blog spot! Trying to reach out to other INFJs like myself who may have some depth of FEELING and get to FEEL in tune with me. I long to have some feedback on my book but if no one reads it, how will that ever come about? So, I am reviewing my own book and hoping to encourage others to maybe want to read it. Because as I live with no income, I shall not be doing any fancy promoting and advertizing for my books!

I was going IN SEARCH OF EARRINGS was I not? That is right yes, chapter twenty-two entitled IN SEARCH OF EARRINGS. We were plunged into our winter of discontent here but I transported myself, in mind and soul, if not in body, back in time, back to my homeland, back to my childhood and this is where I thought, let me see if I have got enough to write a REAL book about me. My memoires, my own autobiography, my life story, plus my trains of thought!

This was where I really began to flow. I had been gushing, splurging, drenching but now I began to flow. I was thinking to myself, well, no one will ever read it will they? This is about ME finding a reason to carry on living because right at that moment, I really could not see one reason to wake up one day more! I disappeared. I was no longer here and that FELT great. I would be surprised when my partner came home in the evening. "Who was he? What was he doing here?"

The time warps and the shock of coming back to my reality each day. But I did not come back fully, no, just enough to feign attention and give monosyllabic answers, all that is required really! My night time visions were filled with the sounds, smells and sights, that I had been writing of that day. I was absorbed completely. My now, my today, paled by comparison. I had never looked for my today, as it actually is. How to change it is my only thought now!

Well, you know, the major difference is freedom. I was free then to make my own decisions. I no longer am! I wait for that freedom again to decide what I do with my today and tomorrow and next week! I would enjoy sharing my life but not at any cost, that is what I am learning now. Compatibility has to exist. We were circumstantially compatible that is what I can see.

I had a wonderful childhood, I did. As a young child, I had been taken to a whole variety of places within my own country and it was as a ten year old, that I had my first taste of foreign travel. We went on a Mediterranean cruise, which in truth, I did not enjoy much but our day spent exploring Tunis, Sidi Bou Said and Carthage, that was something else!

This was my first real taste of the Arab world and I was so excited by it all. It really was an eye opener for my elder sister and I. From there on, we both began to build our own lists of places that we would like to visit. We both wanted to see more of Tunisia, which we were to do in later years. 

We went off to Mallorca the following summer and wow!!! The heat was unbearable. No, this travelling to foreign countries definitely had its drawbacks too. It is all about our expectations really and what they are. I went off skiing in Italy on a school trip and so, the travel miles began to clock up and the notion of going off to a foreign country did not seem like a daunting one.

But maybe it was Europe that did not have the exotic factor that I was always looking for. No, it had to be Africa and Asia for me!! I really do recommend taking children travelling at an early age. It is so important to know early on that there is a great big world out there, beyond your nation´s boundaries.

All just waiting to be explored!! But I was still in secondary school and dealing with all the hassles that came with it! The continual touching up by the boys was one of those hassles. Today that same behaviour is officially called, `sexual harassment or sexual molestation´. Yes, the boys did sexually harass us girls! Yes, the boys did sexually molest us as girls! It was pandemic. It was so systematic that I do not think that I, or any other girl even thought ever, to maybe tell a teacher about it.

It was so much a part of each and every day at school, that we assumed that we had to put up with this as best as we could. This sexual harassment and sexual molestation extended out of the school grounds as well. Men of any age would put their hands on us as girls, in a sexually intentional way. We did nothing at any time to either provoke this, or warrant this. It would take us all by surprise!!

Why did he just do that? I did not ask him to? As females, we thought that it was us who gave the male a signal to come on to us! Yes, we were and are still right! That is how it should be! But as you younger readers can see; it has never been any different. He fancies you and that is that! Out go those hands and you are groped all over!

We would have to slap hands away all day. "Bugger off and leave me alone" It was the bane of our days at school as girls. Any male would `try his luck´. They were gropers, all of them. WHO DID THEY AND WHO DO, MALES THINK THEY ARE? Or maybe I should better ask, WHO DO THEY THINK WE ARE, AS FEMALES? Easy game, many would have answered no doubt. GAME, we were considered GAME. Some needing chasing harder and some succumbed more easily!!

SEXUAL EDUCATION of the human male is still pending. As women we are now finally beginning to gain the right to not have our bodies touched by males, just because they feel like doing so. The right of the female to choose whose hands touch her and when, is only now being recognized in law! SOLO SI, ES SI, as this law is called in Spain. ONLY YES, IS YES!

Males are trying to convince us that they understand women to the degree that, she says "NO" but actually means "YES". You just need to be more forceful with her, relieve her indecision! "NO", means "NO!" I say it time and time again, male evolution is pending. The difference between YES and NO, he still cannot understand. He stalks HIS prey now with packs of other predators like himself, "NO", will not be accepted for an answer.

Consensual rape occurs in most married couple´s relationships. The sexual going through the motions, is considered the male right and as such, the female obliges daily. THE MALE SEXUAL INTERPRETATION OF SEXUAL RELATIONS! A totally one-sided affair. And husbands wonder why women seek extra marital sexual partners. SEXUAL PARTNERS please note! So as to have a reciprocal sexual encounter rather than go through the motions with their husband!

The divine right of the male to complete sexual dominance, what he says goes!! I will say it over and over again, sexual frustration is a female condition. We go through the motions every day and each and every day we think the same!!! As females we have a completely different interpretation of intimate sexual relations with a male. We do think of the two way factor above all else. That is why we get nowhere fast with a member of man-kind.

You are circumstantial as the wife. You do not warrant any consideration and the idea that you could FEEL sexual desire, well, of course, he will never have seen you desirous of sexual interactions, will he? You have to pretend that no, darling, I do not have any sexual thoughts ever. WE spend our lives longing in reality!! Sooner or later we will have to give in to our female hormones, which drive us to our longing for intimacy. That is what your partner/husband will not entertain. He does not want to know about you, you are there for him.

So, who is there for you therefore? NOT HE, at least not on the intimacy level he is not, or on the sexual desire level he is not. Empty relationships whereby a female renounces the possibility of sexual pleasure and accepts the going through the motions! Marriage as I have said, has ever less takers. WE were not meant to be permanent partners as males and females. NO, not at all. We were however natural sexual partners though!

The tables have been turned on the females of this world. Our right to decide who we have our sexual relations with and who we have our children with, is not a reality as yet. We still as yet, are not being honest as women and telling the truth of our poor, unsatisfactory sexual encounters with males. We have to keep quiet and protect the male sexual ego. Our macho studs, our alpha males, who are by majority same-sex males, hence their total aversion to coupling with their wives and female partners.

Teaching is begging but I doubt very much that MAN-KIND could even contemplate the idea that he is the sexual inferior and the sexual ignorant! He does not even know how to speak to a woman let alone arouse her sexually, but then again, does he want to arouse her sexually? No, of course not, he would then have to perform like a lover, her sexual partner. No one has taught him how to be a sexual partner, have they?

No, males have not been taught how to be sexual partners with either females or males. They have been taught how to inseminate a female, lest they not be able to work that out for themselves!

Have you as a female, ever found a pleasurable sexual experience with a male? Do you go through the sexual motions with your partner? Are you sexually frustrated in your relationship? What is your opinion on male sexual dominance?

I thank you for reading as always. Please FEEL welcome to comment in the space below or make communication and answer some of my questions. I have a contact box for sending me your e-mail address if you would prefer to communicate by e-mail. I have a follow tab too, why not click that and keep up to date with my Trains of Thought. I look forward to that day! 

I have attracted readers in Canada, India and Indonesia this week, you are very welcome my friends. Please do join me again in my next blog, where I will be leaving school behind in chapter twenty-three entitled SCHOOL IS OUT! My test result today shows me positive again so, I shall have to cancel my two meetings this week. On the plus side (is there one), I do not FEEL unwell for the moment!

Other INFJ blogs can be found here: https://lifestyle.feedspot.com/infj_blogs



Sunday 11 December 2022

A CHANCE MEETING HELPS ME FIND MY PATH ANEW!

OH!! THOSE CROSSROADS OF THE WORLD AND THE TRAVELLERS THAT PASS THROUGH THEM. SO MUCH CAN BE EXCHANGED IF TWO PEOPLE HAVE THE WILL TO COMMUNICATE! Post No.26 (A 7 minute read) 

And so it was, I put my book writing ambitions aside. I knew no one would support me! I knew in my heart of hearts that my partner would not support me but I was still entertaining thoughts that he may read my book and so left out one of the most important happenings of my last twenty-five years. As it transpired, HE does not know that I even finished that book. HE has never so much as referred to it again.

So, I began my second book and this time, I was going to give credit where credit is due and I did. But I am going to bring that chance meeting into my review of my first book because this is just when it came about. 

decorated horses and horsemen in traditional fiesta in kano, nigeria
TRADITIONAL CELEBRATIONS IN KANO, NIGERIA.

I had ventured out for the first time after the easing of the first round of COVID-19 restrictions but we did have a fifty euro fine for being outdoors without a facial mask. I knew that as a whole, we were in a bad way. We had millions of families lining up for food parcels from aid centers, it was dramatic. What six months without an income can do to reduce a family to their knees!!

I approached my local supermarket and saw a sight that stopped me dead in my tracks! An African man was sat with a pot on the ground, asking for money. He held a book in his hand, I knew what that was. "OH, NO!" I said to myself. "THIS MAN REALLY NEEDS HELP!" I went to him and said "Hello" and asked if he knew about our COVID-19 situation and the dangers of being without a mask, plus the fifty euro fine for not wearing one.

He knew of the virus but not the fine. Straight away he got his mask out of his bag and put it on. No, he had not been following the local news, no, he had not. He had been far too busy trying to keep himself with enough food to eat and get enough money home to his family to keep them fed each day too. All of this under confinement and then tight restrictions. My heart went out to him. He could not have found a worse time to chance his luck abroad.

I bought him a bag of food that day and we continued to chat for a while as I filled him in on all that I knew of COVID-19 and our current situation work wise. No, it was not going to be easy for him, it was not.

I went out shopping far more often than I needed to and in short time we were becoming familiar with each other. We began to meet each other for longer chats and I told him of my writing. He was not surprised at all. No, he thought that I was making great sense. There, I knew it. I am not the only one in the world but I am an African out of Africa. Yes, that is what I needed to clarify and here was my proof.

In a matter of hours spent in conversation with this man, I had shared more with him than I had with my partner of then twenty-five years. Intimacy, trust, understanding, listening, caring, sharing, all that was missing from my relationship was being clearly defined by this chance meeting of a traveller from Africa. This was the kind of communication that I needed. Honest, sincere, non-judgemental, reciprocal and yes, there I hit the nail on the head! RECIPROCAL! There was the difference.

I so enjoyed listening to his stories and learning of his life and experiences. We became FRIENDS! I had found a friend or maybe my friend found me! Even as we were moving into autumn, we could see that once the holiday traffic was finished with, we would have to start controlling our movements again.

"Did I think he had any possibility of finding work?" he asked me. "NO!" I was obliged to tell him. "We need to get you home before all goes absolutely crazy here for Christmas!" And so, a fraught plan was made to get him back home. Plan A fell through, Plan B fell through, Plan C fell through!! My goodness, that African resilience is so remarkable, so tough. Eventually with the snows falling heavily in Madrid, Plan D saw him get up into the air as one of the last flights that was able to take off before the heaviest snows that Madrid have ever known came upon them!

Even in his dire situation, I had helped restore his faith in the human being. Do not ask how but I found the money for his flight and I was so happy to do so. It was a human act and that is what I miss being. HUMAN!! His disbelief when I started making flight plans was quite something. "Why are you doing this for me?" he would ask. "Because you are a truly righteous and worthy human being. You are in my land and you need help. Your people have given me help and advice travelling around your lands. They did not need any reason for doing so my friend. It was a human act just as mine is a reciprocal human act and I am proud to be a TRUE HUMAN BEING who can FEEL in this way! You deserve help my friend, you are in distress and you cannot help your family from here!"

In my next chapter of ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN, I begin my travelling days and as you will find out maybe, I have enjoyed the company of so many different peoples along the way. Quite the most wonderful times shared that I have in my memory banks. This man brought all of those pieces that I loved back into my foreground and reminded me what it is to really feel reciprocity again. RECIPROCITY, yes, reciprocity was missing from my life. Sincerity was missing from my life. A shared purpose was missing from my life.

It was when he arrived safely back home again, that in my now very lonely state,  I decided to hey, you know what? I am going back to Africa. I cut off from all around me and I went into a trance daily and literally walked through my life, step by step. I was gone for a full seven months and I only just brushed the surface!!!! I would burst into laughter as I was writing. I would get choked up with tears as I was writing. It was an emotional business for sure.

That is all to come and I remember my new friend with much fondness, we shared some dramatic days together and that is bond building stuff! We speak regularly by phone and I know that I wish to help him and his family further still. It was two years ago now that we were tussling with flight cancellations and PCR tests in private clinics but we managed to get him home. His mother sadly, died just a few weeks after his return and I was so grateful that we had got him back, to be by her side when she most needed him.

You may notice the number of times that I have said WE in this blog post. How quickly a relationship can build where there is sincerity, honesty, understanding, warmth and affection and reciprocity!!! I woke into the new me! The one who was mostly happy because I was responding to my intuition, my FEELINGS and using MY judgement based on what my inner eye could see! That is how I wish to live, in tune with myself first and foremost, not having to struggle against a flow that is not mine. I had escaped that only to find myself being jammed into a mould that I would never have chosen!

Have you crossed paths by pure chance and found that that chance meeting has had a great influence on you? Do you have trouble trusting unknown people? Do you find reciprocity in your relationships?

Thank you all for reading and please FEEL welcome to comment below or make communication by e-mail, I have a contact box in the right-hand panel as well as a follow tab, if you would like to keep up to date with me. I would love to hear from someone somewhere. Next post I will get back to my book and continue reviewing my trains of thought for you all. Until then, happy learning. 

My book is available on Amazon, these are the links for you: ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN e-book and ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN Paperback

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