YOU THOUGHT YOU WOULD MAKE AN IMPACT?

UNREALISTIC HOPES! THAT IS WHAT THEY ALL WERE! Post No.6/IN (A 9 minute read) 

Deeply disturbing as it is to confront your own painful reality, it is none the less, the only way to actually begin to change that painful reality into a reality which is more tolerable and not so very painful! How to do that when in effect you are anchored in your relatively comfortable ship (at least six months of a year!), out at sea, alone with your bullish Captain of what is supposedly OUR boat and you can never get that anchor pulled up?

And even if you were to be able to contrive a lifting of the anchor and suggestion of movement actually be acknowledged, then there is still the tussle for the control of the tiller!!!! Yes, we can move but in what direction? You can probably guess that the direction will of course, have to depend on the bullish Captain and what horizons HE can safely COPE with.

BECOME A FOLLOWER OF MY TRAINS OF THOUGHT AND I WILL KEEP YOU POSTED!

For that reason, I have become used to floating out at sea, within sight of land but comfortably distanced from it. The Captain will take us into port every now and again. Indeed, he himself has gone ashore every day for eleven hours, whilst I have had the boat to myself and have been able to enjoy the buoyancy of life as a lone sailor. Who has a cellar full of companions (my musical troubadours) to prevent my loneliness!

I used to spend most of my time below deck! The bullish Captain would take his telescope with him to dry land and keep a watch on OUR boat from the shore. I would see the sunlight reflected in it and know that his eye was on MY boat and would stay discreetly out of sight. Spick and span, he would find OUR boat when he came aboard at sunset. 

But times change and I was now a writer, I had found my occupation! Sleeping Beauty had woken up and she was not about to be put into an induced coma again. Oh, no! This could be the ideal situation if only I could get round to seeing things that way! There was a shift in priorities and those on shore hours of his were my hours spent with me, exploring me and my thoughts. Between the fading light and his fading eyesight, the layers of dust and grim began to build, even as the newly awoken Sleeping Beauty decided that it was way past time to banish Rapunzel, Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty from her daily repertoire!! 

I was going to come back to life, whether he like it or not! But I was still not yet ready, I still lingered in the land of false hopes. That was what I needed to give up definitively! Waiting for my bullish Captain to become the person that I believed that he was! I was going to have to find the ways to push back and gain some control of my life and destiny.

Being all out at sea therefore and with only the wind to carry my words, where else was I going to be able to send my first beloved book than out to sea! My message in a bottle, yes, that was how I FELT at that moment in time. I thought of ALL the messages in bottles that are in fact books and pieces of writing from minds that are thinking and FEELING deeply, who need to share with someone, somewhere!

SOS! I need a friend! I need someone to see that I am alive and recognize that I have a working brain that yes, ALL could benefit from, if only they would support the use of it for the GREATER GOOD and not their OWN personal good! Out of all the millions of books written each year, how was my book to be picked out amongst all of the others. They might be fabulous books just as they could be complete trash. A person does not know that until they have read it. But first you have got to find it to even want to read it!

Well, mine being nigh on a secret, I had no other choice, as I could see it, but to throw my book as far away from OUR boat as possible and watch it sink down to the seabed! So, painful! But I have spoken of deepsea divers and yes, I think they are quite likely the types that I am hoping to cross paths with. Bold, courageous, knowledgeable, inquisitive and adventurous types of people, the kind that maybe I could enjoy communicating with!

I liken my writing career, recently embarked upon, to that of my favourite musical bands and how difficult it had been for ALL of them in their early beginnings, to find any support from anyone in their close circles. It is shocking that it is your nearest and dearest who do not believe in you and your talents used in this way. They think that you are wasting your time and so, will not waste their time (as they see it), supporting you!

Now, if you were to use your talents the way they think that you should do, ah, there, they can COPE with that and will also be able to see some benefit to themselves as well, no doubt! I remember in this chapter some of the influential DJs of my youth and how important they were in giving these new bands an opportunity to play live on their music TV shows and on the national radio programmes. It was the introduction for ALL avid music lovers to new bands and musical material.

I was living music at that stage of my life and broadening every day my musical horizons. I wonder if my own mother will FEEL like Mark Knopfler´s mother did after hearing his very first musical album. Mark was asked in an interview at the time, what his mother thought of his work and his reply always stays in my mind. I believe my mother will say much the same, which was, "You´re getting a lot off your chest, son!"

Yes, he was and so am I. I draw a parallel with Mark Knopler who at the time of writing, had a forty year, highly successful musical career to show for his enormous talent. No, I did not have forty years of grand achievements to write up maybe. Once again, my bullish Captain made an asserted effort to break my belief and bring me down to his size. "Oh, please don´t you rock my boat!" Well, with a Captain like mine, that boat will always be rocking but not in the pleasant way that it does during the day-time! Oh, no! The Captain´s means of getting a boat rocking is to whip up the waves and cause TURBULENT conditions!

And OUR boat will not exactly be rocking, no, it will be lurching, tossing and heavy bouts of sea-sickness will ensue! How many storms can one be expected to survive? No, I did not have four decades of achievements to sell me by but then neither did Mark forty years ago. Is it not because he did believe in himself that he does now have four decades plus of fantastic work laid out with his name standing proudly beside it?

I certainly had four decades of life and thoughts to write up and I only skated over the surface!!! Rambling on as is my want, I look back at female driving and my own mother taking her driving lessons and the general opinion of the day that was, women should not be drivers!! Chauvenist, misogynistic society that man-kind has set up for us all.

The deaths on our roads here in Spain are at an alarming level. The vast majority of these deaths are caused by young male TERRORISTS. I look at what a terrorist is in truth and see that we must recognize these suicide drivers as national TERRORISTS. Once again, I find myself talking of young males who have absolutely no purpose in life and so, want out. An early death, kill other too and go out in a blaze of glory!!

The sad reality of the modern male that is man-kind´s tool but man-kind no longer has any bidding for these to do.

If you have published your work at anytime, did you expect instant success? Or did you have more realistic hopes? Or did you have instant success? I would love to know about it!

Thank you ALL very much for reading and please do FEEL welcome to comment or answer some questions in the space below. Or send me your e-mail via the contact box and click the follow tab and keep up to date with me and my Trains of Thought! Onto chapter three next time and that is titled, GETTING A SENSE OF PURPOSE! Until then, happy learning!

I can happily say in this update of 26/08/2023, that my second book is now on sale. Here are the Amazon links for you: ON THE INSIDE LOOKING OUT e-book and ON THE INSIDE LOOKING OUT Paperback

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