COMMUNAL SUPPORT!

THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT IS MISSING FROM MY LIFE! Post No.8/IN (A 12 minute read) 

Hello and a very good day to you ALL, wherever you are in the world today, you are very welcome here on my blog. Just a brief reminder that I am now on the reviews of my second book. The Pages one to four, which can be found in the left-hand panel, are a guide to the first sixty posts that I have published so far and they were all related to my first published book titled, ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN.

Those Pages give a summary of the content of each post which covers a chapter of the book, as well as my retrospective thoughts and my today´s thoughts too. I also explain where they can be accessed on the Post Index which can also be found in the left-hand panel. To differentiate between the two books, I have the ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN related posts which are numbered 1 to 60 and the ON THE INSIDE LOOKING OUT related posts which are beginning again at number 1 but with a forward slash and IN as well. (Post No.1/IN)

The Amazon links for my first book: ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN Paperback and ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN e-book

ANOTHER FINE DAY OUTSIDE!

Moving on now to chapter four which is titled COMMUNAL SUPPORT. Having spent the last three chapters lamenting on my own lack of support, whether that be communal or individual, I am still not fully off-loaded yet! I begin this chapter by looking at our individual abilities to cope with adversity. Also the process of ostracization that sees molluscs like myself, spending their days within their own shells polishing their gems.

On the African continent, the soloist is only a soloist if they do not wish to communicate, otherwise they will automatically be temporarily adopted and taken into the fold!! What a stark contrast with the western world where we have no time for anyone that we do not have a personal bond with. We see our time as so very precious and we are very selective about how we use that free time when we have it.

Most annoyingly, I find that those around me can organize my time exceptionally well, with just the one rather major consideration and that being, they did not consult me first!! How others make plans with my time, makes me burn inside! It is as though you did not exist as a person in your own right. You were put there to make up for their deficiencies. 

In return though, they never have any time for you and no, they do not know an awful lot so will not be answering any of your burning questions either! One sided exchanges again! We were not taught to have meaningful conversations with others. We were taught to be socially correct; superficial in other words! That a person chose to spend their time with you simply because they enjoyed your company, is an absurd notion here in the western world!

I typed out my manuscript in Spanish too as I thought I had a couple of interested females but I realized sadly, that it was more false flattery and having completed my translation; I have heard no more from either of them. Females letting me down, these two just as the others mentioned, are all females. I do not think that I expected that! As a female myself, I thought that maybe I would be able to count on females for some support. I was wrong!!

In truth, I had not known many women in my life but the good relationships that I had shared with females, were always because we had shared circumstances and plans. We were in fact passing through wherever and as such, we were crossing paths together. We were all soloists, travelling on our chosen paths and finding that we were not the only one doing just that.

And so it was with my Wodaabe women in Niger and remembering these wonderful females with whom I had so much in common, I quote myself from this chapter of my second book ON THE INSIDE LOOKING OUT:

Sad to say, the soloist in the west, without communal support, is going nowhere! My mind is cast back to an afternoon in Bobo Dioulasso, Burkina Faso, when some of my Wodaabe ladies returned back to camp after having spent the afternoon trying to sell their bracelets and necklaces. One of the ladies had been working very diligently on a beautiful necklace and she was so pleased with her finished piece of work. She had thought that it would be the first piece that she sold and for a very good price!

Her face showed her sense of dejection as her group drew near. All were on alert! What had gone amiss? One of our number is not happy! What has happened to them to leave them FEELING this way? Drawn into welcoming arms and sat down on the mats, the teapot goes on to boil and it is time to tell all!

Of course, it was her disappointment at returning to camp with her special piece of work. No one had wanted to pay her price! The price then came under the spotlight! "Did we think she was asking too much?" We all agreed that by the general standards of price versus product, that in money terms it sounded a lot. "But I have put so many hours into my work, I have used all of these different beads and metals, they all had their cost too!"

Time; how much is our time worth? Intricacy is time intensive! Anything that is tiny, delicate and extremely fiddly, is going to require much time and patience. It is also going to require no uncertain degree of manual skill too. "Did you say all of these things?" we asked. "Yes, I did but they all said that they did not have the money!"

"What about your vision though?" I said. "Your necklace is a very individual piece, there is none other like it. It is significantly different to those on sale. It is an original, your own idea, not copied from someone else. It is a special piece and deserves a special price. Maybe you have not crossed paths with a conoisseur of special pieces yet!"

Now, there was a good point they all agreed, yes, maybe that was the problem. So, it would require patience possibly more than sales pitching and hard haggling! With the hot, sweet, mint tea now soothing the soul as it does, the smiles were back and the lady in question then launched into a detailed account of all the interested parties that she had spoken to. End of quote.

I went with this young lady to the market the next morning and yes, we were able to find just the right buyer. Even as I suggested to my Wodaabe companion, "This is a necklace for a man to buy for his wife!" And it was a gentleman who bought this necklace for his wife!!!

Therefore, we arrived back at the camp, laden with food parcels and rather triumphant too. The ladies and children who had stayed at the camp, were already rising and looking our way. "Would we have had better luck today?" They were all there and ready to catch this young lady again today, should that be her need.

Communal living means communal sharing of ALL things good and bad, positive and negative. This triumph was indeed shared and we had a delightful time telling our story of how we found a couple and managed to get a really good price for this exquisite necklace. My participation in this affair really consolidated my position within the group and my integrity and my authenticity were absolutely being very much noticed and appreciated by this lovely group of women and children.

I was accepted by an ethnic peoples so very quickly; why? I was a female travelling alone. They were a group of females with their young children and so, it did not seem at all strange to be invited to join them really. Maybe it was the time and the shared circumstances. As I said, in Africa you will be temporarily adopted but do you become accepted as a permanent part of that group?

I could have become a permanent part of that group and I think I know that I must try and find these ladies again one day. It had been my young years and the mosquitos that did allow me to continue on my journey and eventually get back to Europe. But I do not have the same needs now and material possessions are not of any great importance to me anymore.

It is that Buddhist mind over matter strategy, I think. Stop longing for what you cannot have or what you cannot be/do and concentrate on what you can have/be/do. Surely though, it is the whole purpose of living that needs to be questioned and evaluated. What really matters in life? Material possessions or enlightened thinking? Because oddly enough, there do not seem to be many with large quantities of material possessions who also possess enlightened thinking abilities!

I actually believe that material possessions are a substitute for enlightened thoughts which could maybe see you live, work and breathe in a completely different way. If I could swap my brain for material possessions or wealth, I would not do it. Integrity is everything to me and whilst that does mean so often going without things that you could need if you allowed yourself to, it still does not make a jot of difference to the wider picture of the world.

Martyrs we are sometimes called. We suffer poverty and ignominy in the man-made world because that is preferable to losing one´s integrity and bowing to man-kind´s way of life which is totally and utterly, unintegral. But my Wodaabe ladies did not see themselves as martyrs, not at all. They had pride!! Something that I have lost completely, my own self-pride!

What is pride though and what makes us proud? I thought that I would FEEL proud of writing a book of my life and travels but I do not FEEL proud at all. I FEEL ashamed instead because no one that I know wants to acknowledge that I have written a book. Is it not the positive evaluations of others that give you the FEELING of pride?

In the same way that the lack of interest and acknowledgement leaves you FEELING totally ashamed. But why that awful FEELING of shame resulting from pouring your heart and soul into eight hundred pages of writing! Poor little INFJ who should be so ASSERTIVE but is not allowed to be so! Hence the overriding TURBULENT status. Thank you my nearest and dearest for leaving me to always FEEL that whatever I do, you will always make me FEEL that I have done wrong!

All INFJs will know how I FEEL! According to others, we are always wrong! We are not always wrong, we are almost always right and therein the bone of contention! If we were given the right to be right when we are right, what would be the result of that? The rest would have to see that they are almost always wrong, would they not? There is the reason why INFJs are never allowed to be right and everything they do will be discounted automatically.

We provoke shame in others! We reveal their littleness and that helps them see how little they know! The shield will come up and you will be blocked! To hell with you ALL!

Do you find support easy to find within your close circles? Or like me, do you FEEL that no one will ever consider supporting you and your ideas?

I thank you all for reading today. I have had viewers from the USA, Gran Bretaña, Canada, Australia, Germany and India this week, I hope that you will continue to look my way. Why not click the follow button and leave me your e-mail address and I will send you updates of new posts published. Or maybe answer a few of my questions and leave your comments on the post in the space below. I also have a contact box in the right-hand panel if you would prefer to communicate by e-mail.

Chapter five entitled EUROPEAN CROSSROADS, is up next post so, please check back for that. Have a great day and happy learning to you ALL.

The second book is now on sale. Here are the Amazon links: ON THE INSIDE LOOKING OUT Paperback and ON THE INSIDE LOOKING OUT e-book

You can find more INFJ reading here: https://lifestyle.feedspot.com/infj_blogs