THOSE PRINCE CHARMINGS WHO NEVER EXISTED!

ARE YOU LIKE I, A HUNTER AND GATHERER WHO COLLECTS PIECES OF KNOWLEDGE AS YOU TRAVEL THROUGH LIFE? POST NO.21/IN (A 10 minute read) 

I check in today with a smile on my face and a warm glow in the heart of me. At last, at long, long last, I have sold one e-book. I had stopped looking at my book sales page as of one and a half years ago now. Whilst I had not given up hope at any one single moment that I would be read by others, well, I have learned to not think about it at all.

My debut as writer has been overshadowed at every step of the route by the sheer lack of interest and support from those who I know personally. Heart-rending indeed as maybe future readers of this my second book ON THE INSIDE LOOKING OUT will soon find out. I have five copies of my first published work, ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN, out in the hands of people who I know closely(four of them gifted).

Three of them have had a copy for one and a half years, one has had one for ten months and the other has had one for now six months. To date, all five had evaded my requests for their opinions and thoughts, so, in a nutshell, I am still none the wiser as to whether I have written a good piece of work or not!

So, now that I know someone, somewhere has decided to buy a copy of ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN, I am overjoyed. THANK YOU, whoever you are, wherever you are, OH, I am excited. Here are the links for you: ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN e-book and ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN Paperback

My viewer statistics have been so variable over the seven months so far of my blogging career and yes, you may well believe that I have given much thought as to why that may be! Once again, I have learnt to not think about it over much. I am not forcing anyone to do anything that they do not wish to do. And I will never do so. Freedom is so valuable.

That said, I have been absolutely ecstatic this week to see that at long, long, long, long last, I have a viewer/viewers who are exploring my blog and I say to you, thank you for your time. Just for you, I will say that, if you are reading this, you are up to chapter eighteen of ON THE INSIDE LOOKING OUT. My review of my second book.

The Posts relating to my second book reviews are the ON THE INSIDE LOOKING OUT Posts and so far, there are two Post Index Pages (left-hand panel) numbered one and two, which have the links to all those Posts published to date, as well as a brief summary of each post.

My second book has now been published (18/08/2023), here are the links for you. The paperback version: ON THE INSIDE LOOKING OUT and the e-book version:ON THE INSIDE LOOKING OUT

My first book published was ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN and there are sixty posts related to that book. Which are listed in chronological order of publishing on the Post Index Pages. There are four pages, which have the links and summaries to them all. This is a continuous train of thought and does run chronologically through the weeks.

Should you wish to follow my trains of thought as they are being lined up, I do have a follow option (right-hand panel). Could you now really make my week and become my first follower/s? Thank you so much for taking the time to wander and look at my writing. I would so love to know your thoughts with regards to the subjects spoken of. There is a comment space below each post. I would welcome your views.

RAPUNZEL NO MORE!

Onto chapter eighteen now which is titled ALL OUR OWN KALEIDOSCOPES. Anyone who decides to explore my blog will inevitably discover something of my mind and how it works. In this chapter I am displaying how that process of collecting new pieces every day to add to your existing myriad of previously collected pieces, which you then shuffle and try to build beautiful pictures with all of these precious pieces actually works.

Sadly though, life with a narcissist sees that whole wonderous process come to a stand still. All the pieces coming your way now are ugly pieces, so ugly that you do not even want to try and fit them into your picture book of life. No, not at all. They were ugly, dark, diseased pieces, they do not belong in a mind full of radiance.

This is the beginning of the Alzheimer´s condition. We stop collecting and gathering beautiful pieces because we no longer have access to any. But we are being forceably made to be bearer of more ugliness than we could ever have known existed in the world. We try to forget, we try to put it out of our mind, we try to move on from it.

We put so much effort into not remembering and trying purposely to forget and move on, that it becomes an involuntary process. Long term living with a narcissist does mean a very regular daily dose of all things ugly and negative. As such, each day lived, is another day that you try solidly to forget, as if it did not even happen.

Your relationship is non-existant, you are not wanting to remember any single day of your life with this narcissist. Who is off loading all of his toxic venom into you each and every day, whilst using you as his fodder for his positive charge. It is the sickest exchange of all. Evil for good. To not become as he, we systematically erase each day of our relationship and never talk about any one of them with anyone ever.

We hold the knowledge of our partner´s evil and his cruel, evil doings, those are the only new pieces being added to our memory stores. Long term this does mean a memory store which just has black shadows and clanking chains of the ghouls, demons and ghosts of your real life DEMENTOR. He consumes you and all the light of love and life that you ever possessed. He survives off you! He drives you out of your own mind until you are as the proverbial living dead!

I am pulling myself out of this state of living dead. As you can see, my brain is not ready to be extinguished by a miserable narcissist. I shall now quote myself from this chapter where I am talking of our fairy tale relationships, one kiss and they all lived happily ever after! I quote:

Fairy tales always came to their conclusion at that point though, did they not? We never knew anymore from that point on. No one ever told us the reality of that situation long term, but maybe there was a reason for that, was there not? We might from thereon as females, be more patient perhaps!

As we have all been taught to be on the look out for wolf in sheep´s clothing and already we are maybe thinking well, you know what, I do not think I really want either a sheep or a wolf that comes dressed as one! So, we are hardly on the look out for spitting, hissing, venomous toads, now are we? But those dashing, seductive Prince Charmings?????

Well, do we not all as females want one of those and of course, there are many males who can put on the Prince Charming very well indeed. Hundreds of years of fairytale battling and conquering have been his guide. He feels he knows how to win the right to Sleeping Beauty´s love. He knows he has got to give her a beautiful taste on her lips to bring her alive.

But maybe it is because the story comes to a very abrupt end at this moment, that he is lost from thereon! Absolutely no guide lines as to what to do next! Neither males nor females were meant to spend their lives acting another role on a permanent basis.

Listen! Our males are acting all day at work, putting on a show for their male colleagues. It is exhausting for them, pretending all day to be someone that they are not! Hence by the time they get home, they have left the theatre and he himself comes home! Fair enough!

Exactly the same can be said for females too. So, the problem then is us both wanting to come home and be ourselves. That is where we can lend our mutual support to each other; the reason for shared living! Tragically though, it is so often the reverse for women in castles and towers, it is! It is leaving the castle walls that sees you leave the acting behind.

Whilst you may wander around in an invisibility cloak, the voice that speaks is your own. You refuse point blank to act with others. So, why keep up the act at home then? Anything for a quiet life! Have you heard that said? For the sake of peace! But why is it so necessary to act at home?

You fell in love with someone who did not exist in reality! You fell in love with an actor and the role that he was portraying. You were duped just like the fairy tale Princesses (and real ones for that matter; ask Eleanor!). That man that you fell in love with, is the one that he can be if it is to his advantage to be so. But it is not his natural behaviour, oh, no!

Hence he cannot keep it going permanently!! End of quote.

I mention my Queen Elizabeth I of England and my Queen Eleanor of England, both of whom were made prisoners for long years. Both had tremendously strong characters and were very strong-willed. I am learning from them and to use my days of captivity planning for all who are righteous and worthy of life on earth.

Just like the two of them, when my day of freedom comes, I will be ready for it.

Next post I will be moving onto the next chapter titled IT IS ALL ABOVE BOARD and I had been longing to get to write about the origins of chess and line up our modern politicians on a chess board. The Russian/Ukraine conflict was getting hotter by the day and it becomes my new backdrop to my rambling trains of thought.

Please join me again for that. Thank you for reading and have yourselves a great day full of learning.

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