ANNIVERSARY AND BREAKTHROUGH JUST DAYS APART!

SO MUCH JOY AND YET NO ONE TO SHARE IT WITH; WHAT A LONELY, EMPTY LIFE I REALLY HAVE! POST NO. 2/TT (A 10 minute read) 

I passed the second anniversary of the publication of my very first piece of written work to be published, ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN. That was on the 13th August 2021. Two full years ago, I thought to myself! Of course, I was thinking to myself, who else did I have to share what should have been a cause for celebration but would in fact, have required a great deal of commiseration instead!

Two whole years that three people have all had my book and as yet, have said nothing in respect of it! I made a bet with myself (of course with myself, who else?), at the beginning of writing my second book that I would finish and publish this second book before I heard anything back from those three. So, sadly for me, I won my bet with myself!!

It is now one year since my book made its way down to Nigeria on the African continent but I have not been able to make contact of late as you will be able to imagine! My only relatively regular contact, newly found as of nine months, has had my book for eight of those nine months. Yes, she too has many issues weighing her down. I understand.

I am INFJ type, of course, I will understand. What is more, is that as INFJ type, I can understand very honestly what that silence really means! The story of my life, even as I wrote of my life, I could see that I was never taken seriously by anyone. I was always seen as a strange, untameable oddball. That my friends, is how an INFJ child is seen right from the beginning of their existence.

Maybe the most positive attribute of the INFJ type is that they will never go down and out. Yes, WE, I, go down, down, down, down and down somemore. Oh, yes! SENSITIVE we are! But even as those around us try to drive us down, down, down and hopefully (for them at least), OUT altogether, WE will never be silenced definitively.

Our very words are all so painfully painting their images for them and they are seeing a reflection of themselves/the wider world, that they do no want to acknowledge. INFJ truths make for painful listening. I have been subjecting myself to a psychological slow-torture process for the last four and a half years, as I have painted so honestly my own picture of myself and my ugly truths!

I ever said that if just one person bought my book of their own free will and did let me know what they thought of the book, I would FEEL something very special. A sensation that I do not know anymore, that of approval. In the month of June, someone, somewhere, of their own free will, bought a e-book version of ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN.

Thank you, whoever you may be and wherever you are reading my book from, oh, please do let me know your thoughts on my words! No rush though, dear reader, I have been waiting on my mother´s approval all my life. Not your fault, of course! None the less, I did hope that by my first anniversary of publication, she might just have got there!

Now with the second anniversary gone by, surely only using the truth is worthwhile. And whilst I have not fully given up hope (another of those attributes of the INFJ type, we never give up on others either!) of hearing something from her, I stopped waiting a whole year ago! It was a beautiful book and I shall give you the links to both the versions here: 

Paperback version: ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN 

E-book version: ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO YOU, BELOVED CREATION OF MINE!

Quite literally therefore, I turn another page and move on. What else can I do? Wait for approval of those who I value, when clearly their evaluation of me and my worth is obviously somewhat less than I could wish for! Hence looking for approval elsewhere, as we ALL need approval, that is how we gauge our success.

Pride stems from the approval of others and in particular, those who you value and so, their opinions and their approval are important to you! Without any approval ratings, there is no sense of pride. NO, none at all! Quite the opposite in fact. It is a sense of SHAME that is brought down upon you. No one that you have given your book to, can be bothered to even read it!

Life is all about balance and I am permanently trying to establish some semblance of stability; emotional stability that is. So, so difficult when you have no emotional or moral support from those that you know best! As I explored in that first book, is this not the reason for people living on sometimes false profiles on social networks? Are they not ALL seeking approval from someone, somewhere?

Of course they are! But my own view of approval ratings maybe is more exigent! What are likes? What are thumbs up? What do they mean? Where is the genuine, reciprocal communication between people? I know that I have tried to establish communications with many people since I started this blog. So many have seemed so interested initially at making regular contact!

WOW! I would think, is this the communication breakthrough that I have been hoping for? Some introductory messages get exchanged in quick time, then they begin to space out and then they stop dead! No, that was not the breakthrough after all! I am seriously concerned by the inability of, as it seems to me, the majority of people to communicate reciprocally with anyone at all!

With all of our communication tools, we are becoming more and more enclosed in our own minds. We are losing contact with all that is real in our desperate respective quests for approval from someone, somewhere. But whose approval do you really need? That of all and sundry? That is what social networks are all about! It really does not matter where that approval comes from, as long as you get some from someone!

Therein the great danger of social networking, far too many desperate people who are seeing with either rose-tinted eyes or with heavily, veiled eyes, what they are not seeing, are the eyes of that person who has given their approval of you. Could you approve of them if you knew them honestly? Ah, there is the crunch!!

Because of my decision to begin blogging and review my first book, I actually put my second book ON THE INSIDE LOOKING OUT, on pause for a while. Having got stuck into that book again after Christmas last year 2022, I have had so many problems trying to upload a file that will be accepted for reasons that I still cannot comprehend and nearly gone bonkers!

As such, this second book publication date, is way overdue, a whole year really, overdue. But even so, I won my bet with myself, although my first book owners were given a full year more to ensure that my bet was lost!! My breakthrough this week was not a joyous affair as you might expect. I really did not think that I would fare any better this time around than the last.

Here are the links to my second book: ON THE INSIDE LOOKING OUT e-book and ON THE INSIDE LOOKING OUT Paperback

I just simply had not got my hopes up and whilst it was a magnificent breakthrough for me, there were no celebrations at all. No one but me knew! But not so now and I share the news with you readers. This now being the second of my "Tales From The Tomb" posts, it will be added to the relevant page of course.

Next post though, I will get back to my second book and its review. Sadly, even as I stew in my down, down, down state of mind, I find it sometimes necessary, indeed my only mechanism for pressure release, to switch off from all things both beautiful and ugly and just BE. Distancing is the effect of that and the loss of connection.

The major breakthrough that was finally getting that damned manuscript successfully uploaded, really has moved a giant obstacle from my psychological path at last. I FEEL that I have spent too long dwelling and mulling over this and have jaded myself in the process. I have none to ask for advice or help but fortunately, there is YOUTUBE and all the wonderful people who share their knowledge with others. Thanks to you ALL. I would be lost at times without ALL of your help!! 

Many thanks for reading my words. Why not share your thoughts with me in the comment space below? I would love to have some feedback, I really would. Until next time, have a great day full of learning, loving and living!

There are other INFJ bloggers out there: https://blog.feedspot.com/infj_blogs