I WILL NOT BE SILENCED; WHATEVER YOU SAY!

TIME MOVES US FORWARD EACH AND EVERY DAY, HOW TO USE THAT TIME TO BENEFIT THOUGH WHEN UNDER DURESS? POST NO. 1/TT  (A 10 minute read) 

Oh, yes my friends, time is continually on the move and if you do not move with it, you will be in serious danger of misusing your time. Your time on Earth! Your time to be alive! We only have one life; on Earth at least. To see my time misused and indeed seemingly wasted more often than not, is my biggest dilemma right now!

For any who may be following me, I offer my apologies for not being able to use my time as productively as my creative mind could wish. I am limited to just two spaces of four hours length each, in which to have my own environment to myself and unwind from the recent days of wind-up from my home-sharer, my narcissistic partner, now retired!!

This post now opens a new Page of posts which will be the " TALES FROM THE TOMB" posts. What will these posts all be about you may well ask? I now see my home as a VAULT and my bedroom as my TOMB within that VAULT. No, I am not officially dead as you can read but neither am I living in the light of day.

I am now learning to close the door of my TOMB and shut out my demon temporarily. He shares that TOMB with me by night, when the lid of my coffin comes down at the end of each day. Lest I think of escape during the night!! So, INFJ type as I am, I can find positivity in almost anything. That closed door, one of just three interior doors that my pretty open-plan apartment has, marks a boundary. A visual boundary; my demon cannot see the expressions on my face!

I become again as a teenager at summer holiday time. Enclosed in their private space (their bedroom), listening to music, writing to friends, writing themselves of their thoughts and ideas or just simply thinking on life and how they relate to it all. What has the greater importance is the privacy of that space, the visual privacy as no one can see your facial expressions.

THE SILENCE IS BLISSFUL; MORE BLUE SKIES!

A narcissist is permanently trying to feed off the emotions of their partner! I have become as a blank canvas to him. I will show nothing of what is really going on in my mind to him. He is permanently shut out now. As such, my whole days are blank if I cannot express myself in anyway. But without him seeing my happiness or my joy or even my distress at my blunders and errors!

He is shut out of my heart, mind and soul now. Still the body to go though!!! So, there will be the Tales From The Tomb, which will be written in my bedroom with the door shutting out my demon, whilst I turn my coffin upside down and like a trained Fakir, learn to sit comfortably on my bed on nails (the coffin lid with all the nails that my partner has been driving into it for so long)!

And ADVOCATE; as well as let off the building steam in a gradual way but separate from my actual books. I have been sorely distracted these last two weeks as I have been deprived of half of those few SOLO hours that I now have. But today has seen at last, that breakthrough that I needed to steel my will lest it was waning!!

I have at long, long last, been able to upload and submit my finished manuscript of ON THE INSIDE LOOKING OUT and wait now only for the approval of the paperback and e-book versions. My emotions are so contained that it is difficult to comprehend but I do have a relieving warmth running through my whole body right now.

I cannot even remember now, just how many times I have tried and failed to upload this manuscript. I just know that I have finally been able to do so and I congratulate myself because I know just what this has taken out of me. I finished writing the book on the 3rd July 2022. I had it all ready by the end of August 2022!

Right now though, it is like none of that turmoil and strife had ever occurred! Like I had just done it this first time around. Just like I did today.WOW! A monument to my patience, my resilience, my persistence, my tenacity and another breakthrough into hitherto unknown knowledge; I think!?!?

No, I will not be silenced, why should I? Do I not have a right to my own thoughts and opinions? Of course I do! We all do! Not according to the narcissist though, oh, no! We must always be in agreement with him, must we not? Mr. Narcissist is never wrong, is he? Whatever I say, he will directly say the opposite!

Because that is what I think; he has to disagree with me per force. It is a character trait of narcissism. Their sense of ENTITLEMENT. They are entitled to anything and everything that they want and need. No one else matters as far as the purpose that they can serve the narcissist. What fodder can they provide for this parasitic, inferior being that is the narcissist?

A blank screen like my face now usually is when around him, offers no fodder to him at all. The result of that is his provocation of me. Saying things specifically to cause me to rise and retaliate. When banishing demons, the first rule is to not retaliate. Life is a cover-up game for MAN-KIND the narcissist.

Everything has to be about challenge, point scoring and total domination, by force if necessary! Do not play his game. Life is not a game. A sentimental relationship is not a game. Do not be silenced but keep your words to yourself! What a narcissist does not bear well is silence! Silence offers no fodder and the shrivelled, rotting brain that is the narcissist´s, cannot think coherently for itself.

Reject the toxins and do not give any of your emotions away, do not give him any fodder at all. Whatever they say, reply with a very short, precise statement. Walk away from them. You need to show that you will not play his game and you will not be silenced whatever he might say! It is a fine line that we tred in these tense situations. Take care.

My review of ON THE INSIDE LOOKING OUT will continue on the third of three Pages dedicated to that book. They are of course, numbered /IN and just to remind you that the four Pages of posts dedicated to my first book ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN, were all numbered without the forward slash!

So, the Tales From The Tomb will be abstract posts unrelated to my books and they will offer me a new distraction as I come to the end of this last phase of reviewing my second book. This post will be found as said above in the  Page One - "TALES FROM THE TOMB" posts. Depending on how I am FEELING, or maybe depending on where I am sitting, in the next few weeks, will depend whether I write up another chapter review or I need to let off steam!

Thank you all so kindly for taking the time to read my words. Wishing you all a very fruitful and enjoyable afternoon. Until the next post, happy learning. And to celebrate the approval of my new book ON THE INSIDE LOOKING OUT, I will leave you a link to the paperback and e-book which are both on Amazon.

Here is the paperback link: ON THE INSIDE LOOKING OUT Paperback version

And the e-book link: ON THE INSIDE LOOKING OUT e-book version