WHO ARE ADOPTED OR ADOPTIVE NARCISSISTS?

HAVING NARCISSIST PARENTS CAUSES INFANT TRAUMA BUT WORSE STILL IS NO BIOLOGICAL PARENT AT ALL! POST NO.3/N (A 10 minute read)

It is one thing to have a NARCISSISTIC mother, father or both, sadly though, there are many children in this world who do not know who their biological parents are. Those children who for whatever reason, have found themselves in the care of the State in which they live.

There is a long, long, long list of reasons why a child finds themselves being taken into the care of governmental institutions. Under-age sexual activity leading to unwanted pregnancy, for example. Living with societal taboos, maybe the girl in question was too afraid to tell her truth to anyone until there was no going back on that pregnancy.

A child born to another child who was of course, incapable and totally unprepared for the draining task of motherhood. Yes, of course her life would have been conditioned by an enforced motherhood. The young girl was given a second chance to continue with her adolescence and not be forced to stop growing in the direction that she may have chosen.

The father did not even come into the picture, did he? Yes, he was the sexual partner who had germinated the seed but that was not his problem, oh, no! It was HER problem, she should know how to look after herself! So, ultimately, it was HER problem and it was HER who had to deal with it in some way.

Maybe it had been the other way and she had been forced to keep the child. But an under-developed child who has the responsibility of another even more under-developed child, is a recipe for disaster. Children from the mono-parental background are those most often found in the State care institutions, sad to say.

Poor parenting leads to the removal of children from their parents. The State judging them to be unfit parents and seeing that the children´s well-being is not being taken care of. They are taken away from their parents for their own safety and well-being. But what are the long-term results of that?

SCENARIO THREE: THE ADOPTED CHILD (BOY)!

My very first experience of a male NARCISSIST was a boy who had been adopted, so, I quote from my own knowledge banks here. What maybe a child who has been left by or removed from, their parents can never truly know and that is; WHY?

Why did my parents, mother and father (as if they were permanently attached as two people by virtue of having had a child together), not want to keep me? Why did they not love me as all other children´s parents love their children? (Their perception of families of course!)

This is quite probably why children are told that their biological parents have died in some untimely way rather than become embroiled in trying to explain or justify those biological parents for having become separated from their own off-spring.

There will of course, be many, many children in this world who will find themselves without their biological parents because of their untimely deaths. These are truly traumatic beginnings to a child´s life and will surely have negative effects on them if they do not have any help and care to guide them through their emotional trauma.

NARCISSIST BOYFRIEND NO.1, who was 17 years old when I met him, to my 15 years old. He had been adopted as a 2 year old child and had been told that his biological parents had been killed in a car accident. I cannot know the truth of those explanations but that was the truth that he was supposed to live by.

He had been adopted by a very nice couple of people who were very friendly and warm towards me. The father (English) had a good job and the mother (German), also worked so, they were not a poor family at all. Indeed he already had his own motor-bike, nice clothes and pocket-money to go out at the weekend. 

BUT WHAT IS OUR INDIVIDUAL PERCEPTION OF HEROISM? Photo by Denise Jans on Unsplash

SO, WHY THE NARCISSISM IF THE ADOPTING PARENTS WERE NOT NARCISSIST THEMSELVES?

Whilst my time spent embroiled with this young male was probably less than six months, the drama and turmoil caused to me and my family as well as his family, was quite dramatic. It FELT like it would never end to me. The psychological S**T that he brought down upon us ALL was quite something.

Bless my father´s heart and those two adoptive parents of this psychologically unbalanced human male. They between them, were my towers of support through my nightmare with that person. 

He had opened up to me in the early days of meeting and I knew from he, himself, that he was very unhappy emotionally. I could see, though he could not and of course, I never said this to him, but I could see clearly that he suffered from an inferiority complex which I could not altogether understand.

His family had a lovely home and garden, they were happy, friendly folk. The mother would show me the family photo albums and they all looked really happy. They went on two holidays a year and being German herself, one of those two holidays was always to Germany.

He had been afforded the same life as I had, he was not hard done by; not at all. Both of his parents were very patient with him and tirelessly affectionate. He had the ideal life but it was not perfect because those two people were not his REAL parents.

But maybe above and beyond that was the fact that his mother was German. That drew attention to him and his origins and finally it became known that these were his adoptive parents and all S**T hit the fan.

Our National Front and Nazist movements were growing in the UK even as the numbers of new arrivals from Asia and the Caribbean were arriving. His anti-German, anti dark skin philosophies were coming from the skinhead collective and they welcomed him into their fold happily. Just the type that they are always looking for. Disgruntled and bristling with pent-up emotions!

NARCISSISM CAN BE BRED OR FED!

Whilst this young male´s adopted status was unknown to his peers, he had been considered one and the same. The primary school days had gone by with little disturbance according to the parents and according to him! Once it became known that he was adopted, his best-kept and most shameful secret of all was the beginning of the self-harm and the deliberate harming of those adoptive parents.

The come back from the young males of his school was more than he could bear and he started staying off school. Now I can relate to so much of what this young male FELT at that time and also had my spells of non-attendance at secondary school, the result of which is falling behind with the learning process.

If you were not GOOD ENOUGH before, well, like you are giving any valid reasons for positive write-ups now!! But to stick with him!! Our home city had many vagrants, drunkards and unemployed males wandering the streets by day with nothing in particular to do (and no money to do it with) and no particular place to go.

Except as an under age youth who should have been at school, keeping a low profile was obviously a major part of the whole day out of school. He fell in with other youths who were doing just the same as him. Kids who FELT the same way as he did but who had even more reason to FEEL hard done by as they were living in care centres still!

No one as yet, had wanted to adopt them!! The easy prey for the hardened street walker. The human predator that is man-kind, is always on the prowl looking for opportunities to feed off others. They all get their introductions into glue-sniffing, tobacco smoking and drinking alcohol.

They need money for this and so start running favours for these established, anti-system predators. A sense of belonging comes upon them all. They all FEEL the same way but these older predators are seeing how they can make use of these naive, ignorant, traumatized young people. No more, no less.

But these older predators have homes where these youths are able to sit out the day in return for a few favours. All of which will involve illegal activity. They become tied by a twisted sense of loyalty to their senior predators.

The life of crime begins at the same time that school learning goes out of the window. The adoptive parents or carers go out of that window with the learning. They are now the SCAPEGOATS; the reason for all of the suffering! 

WHO ADOPTS WHO AND WHY?

They are now being intuned towards aggression and channeling that aggression towards an enemy force.They are being brain fed by NARCISSISTS who can see their vulnerability, which is ultimately what makes them ideal fodder for delinquency and crime. These youths then get stuck into that seemingly endless cycle of committing small crimes, bunking off school and the rounds of detention/remand centres and psychologists.

So, even though the adopted child who did not know NARCISSISM within their own home via their adoptive parents, they have allowed themselves to be adopted by NARCISSISTS posing as their guides and answers to all their strife.

Because first and foremost, we need to distance ourselves from our OPPRESSIVE NARCISSISTIC source. But his source was within his own self, was it not? He always suffered from not being GOOD ENOUGH for his biological parents to want to love and nurture.

We all try to run away from our sources of pain but when that pain is so deeply embedded within our hearts, minds and souls; it follows us wherever we go. Our bid for INDEPENDENCE at a premature age, leads us to make many bad decisions for ourselves. 

Having not known NARCISSISM directly in his life, this young male would surely have known that he was in with a bad bunch of people. But his desire to punish himself (sub-consciously) and his adoptive parents (very consciously), left him vulnerable and needing a helping hand.

When it is the hand of a NARCISSIST that you take hold of; your life will never be the same again. This is where he had been when I met him and I will talk more on that further down the line.

In the next post I will draw on my experience with NARCISSIST BOYFRIEND NO.2, the abandoned child who is never adopted! If you are interested in this topic, why not sign up to follow? I would enjoy hearing your comments too, there is a comment box below the post. Thank you for your ten minutes today!