GOING SOLO! A NEW ERA BEGINS!

IF YOU CANNOT FIND ANYONE GOING YOUR WAY ......... THEN WILL YOU NOT HAVE TO GO IT ALONE? Post No.32 (A 17 minute read) 

The answer to that question for me was YES! The drive was so great! It was my deception at the shallowness and narrow mindedness of my own fellow country MEN in particular, but also a very large percentage of my senior fellow country WOMEN too. The friendships made during student years had all fizzled out as each had continued along their chosen paths and my own sentimental relationship was clearly now coming towards its end date too.

Hello and a very good morning to you ALL, wherever you are in this world today reading, guess what? WE HAVE ALL MADE IT THROUGH TO THE END OF ANOTHER YEAR!! I have just had my birthday and am now officially 57 years of age. Not that that has changed anything at all! I have been absent with MY OWN leave!!! Yes, I have had a TURBULENT month, I have. Emotional turbulence is always the most draining of all the varied forms of turbulence.

I hope that ALL OF US INFJs who are TURBULENT can spend more of this New Year 2023 being ASSERTIVE. That is my New Year wish to each and every one of YOU, my readers.

This book is weighing me down and I need to cast it out to sea again, yet I am not half way through! There is nothing I find, like setting myself a plan, for becoming rebellious again! I cannot even stick to my own plans. Planning is not for me. I am nomadic or at least I should be between Buddhist monk and Nomad!

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT - GOING SOLO

Well, I had been trying for two years to encourage my guy to come to Morocco with me and once more, when the time came to making decisions, he let me down again. That is what I FELT at the time. Retrospect being what it is, I can now see that he was being true to himself and his interests and desires. He was not standing in the way of me and mine. That was why our relationship was so good and why it lasted as long as it did.

But when interest grows, it becomes desire and with desire comes passion. When you reach the level of passion, that is when the learning begins and the passion grows off the back of this new found knowledge or it begins to fade. That is how our relationships are in reality. If you do not share many interests and passions, then you will be doing much alone. Travelling alone is absolutely exhilarating! The first time around though can be trepidating.

"Stuff you then! I am going by myself!" I went off for my first solo trip abroad and for a whole month!! MOROCCO! It had to be MOROCCO! There was so much to learn there I knew. There was so much beauty there I already knew. It was so exotic and ALL needed exploring. I could answer questions here. That was what I FELT about MOROCCO. And I was right!!

I have not quoted myself from my book for a while and with this particular quote I wish to share with you just how a person and their character forms over their early years. Just how much of that is built upon the influences that they have personally near to hand and the opportunities that they have to explore and know more. I quote myself from this chapter twenty-eight of my first book ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN:

My own father found himself stationed in North Africa whilst doing his mandatory stint in the Armed Forces. Indeed, his keep-sakes of Morocco were ever visible in our home. First up were his Moroccan `babouche´, the pointed leather men´s shoe. Moroccan men wear them every day and so wear through them pretty quick. My father wore his as slippers around the house and as we had carpets all over the house, well, I think I was coming on twenty when they finally left the home!!! Every day since I could remember coming in the front door, all the family´s slippers would be there and Dad´s white Moroccan `babouche´!

He would have me and my elder sister sat on his lap, recounting his tales of Morocco. My sister fell in love with the name `Morocco´ and would repeat it over and over. I was already Ali Baba and tales of Arabian nights! And of course, his `FEZ´, the red hat with the tassel, which sat on top of a couple of books on the book shelf. Now you see, the shop keeper of the costume shop where My Dear Friend and Guide to Life Mr. Benn, used to go and well, he wore babouche and a FEZ, so nothing strange there really!!

We so loved the tales of `Djellabas and Babouches´ as we would think of them. There was a blanket too, our permanent companion at the beach. It would be the first thing that my mother would do when we got onto the sands. Spread out Dad´s Moroccan blanket and off we go!! Beautiful days, beautiful Mum, beautiful Dad, beautiful sisters, beautiful dogs; beautiful memories. Sadly, though cameras were on sale in those days, it was costly developing photos and there may be many like me, who have photos from their childhood but possibly not as many as they could wish for!

Whilst your memory remains clear, you will always be able to view those pictures again and of course, if those who were the subjects of the picture are still in your life, you can all repaint the pictures anew. Happily, we do have some photos of that blanket at the beach! Actually, I think it may still be around!!! My elder sister had gone back to Morocco to visit her friend and had brought many Moroccan bits and pieces back which were always visible in her homes; very beautiful craft work!  End of quote.

Oh, yes, I had longed to get back to Morocco and here I was, with a whole month ahead of me. I had planned the whole route to my designs and it was my design to FEEL as much of these people and their country and culture as possible. The idea behind writing a book, is of course, that others may read your words! Amongst my needs of this trip were sand dunes, camels, Tuaregs, FEZ!!!! Djellabas and babouche! Souks and craft work! Wherever and however! I was in SPONGE MODE! All absorbent lest any not be clear what my sponge mode means!

Our expectations of a place can often be higher than what we actually experience. I went to experience the real flavour of the country and its people. I found that everything went way beyond what I had maybe expected to see but what I really had not expected, was all that I would FEEL during this month. A month in which I shed layers and grew within. I returned home with a very different outlook. I share with you something of my first visit to the magical city of FEZ, MOROCCO. I quote myself:

A five am bus took me southwards to Taza where I had lunch before heading on to Fez!! This was what I had really been waiting for! Ancient Arabia, the old walled city of Fez! Fez el Bali is to my mind, the most magical place that I have visited. It is to lose all of your senses! It is to forget who you are and who you were! All that you know is that you are now transforming, you are becoming someone else!

Your eyes have been blasted into vision, having had the European blinkers wrenched off your eyes, as happened at the first moment of that first foot step on Moroccan soil. Beauty, beauty and more beauty! Beautiful sights, smells and sounds everywhere! Even breathing has you inhaling this world of beauty and becoming intoxicated by it! Literally following your nose!

I could wax lyrical of this city and I shall go again. It needs at least a year to really understand it all. Lost, well, if you want to feel lost you can really begin to panic as you turn one way and another in these incredible walled labyrinths. New sights, smells and sounds everywhere you turn. But if you allow yourself the luxury of being happily lost, you will become completely absorbed in the day to day comings and goings of the local people. End of quote.

And of course, I continue to wax lyrical about Fez and the rest of this fantastic month of travel. It was a truly enriching month of travel and experiences. I take you further south in this quote and my first experience of the great Sahara Desert! I quote myself again:

Having found suitable transport, as you do in these places, I headed further south through Rissani and Erfoud and on to Merzouga and the end of the asphalted road. It was a tiny village with no more than a small auberge for travellers where I stayed for a few nights. The days were spent on camel back, trekking around the dunes of the northern most part of the Moroccan portion of the Sahara Desert. Tuaregs, camels, the Sahara, at long, long last, here I was, in my robes, sat astride a camel with a group of Tuaregs! Heaven was in my world!!!

Sleeping under the Saharan stars is an experience to be sure. With no artificial lights for hundreds of miles around, you can see the sky as it really is at night. It is absolutely chock-a-block with stars! There are stars whizzing and moving, some flickering and some growing brightly, what an incredible spectacle!!

The heat of the day subsides and just a gentle, warm breeze lingers. Then the moon begins to rise and one by one, millions of lights switch on wherever you look. End of quote.

This was just the beginning of all that could be, as I was FEELING life. Wow!!! And yes, as the days were passing and the vast array of sensations that I was experiencing for the first time were accumulating, well, I was becoming SATURATED. You have still got to find the energy to get home and I finish my review of this beautiful month of my life lived, which was so intense, so packed with novelties that what I really needed was the time to digest all of these new pieces that I had collected and see where they all fitted into my picture of my life! I quote myself again:

I told the station master that I had been travelling in Morocco. "Where in the world is that?" he asked. "Northern Africa!" I replied. "AFRICA!" he spluttered, "You have just been to AFRICA? Rather you than me!" I was quite relieved that his attention was drawn to other matters and I did not have to reply!

My head was longing to touch down on a soft pillow, my eyelids were heavy and dropping fully closed, whether I wanted them to or not but at last we could get back on the train and underway again. There was a good shot of brandy in the next coffee that I was offered and whilst it burnt the back of my throat, it was just the tonic for that moment! It gave me just enough to get me home! I had told my family of my travel arrangements but with all of the delays and setbacks and at 4.15 am as it now was, I was deliberating on my next line of action, having as I did another seven miles to go but these out to a country village!!!

I hopped down from the train, heartily thanking this man for all his kindness. "You are welcome love, anytime!" he said and went on his way. I suddenly felt so lonely, so near and yet so far still. And then I saw him! "How can it be so?" I asked myself. "How is it that the face I most want to see in this whole world right now, is stood there on the platform walking towards me?"

My very own guardian angel, DAD! I could not believe it! I could not ever be sure quite what route or quite what times I would be in! We did not have a mobile phone in those days and finding a public telephone that was in working order, was quite a frustrating challenge. My beloved Dad seemed to always be there to meet me. Just like Mr. Benn!! As if by magic the shop keeper appeared, "This way please, sir!" He had this most incredible art of completely overlooking how dishevelled and done in I looked and always found just the right words to ease me back into my home world again.  End of quote.

As a family, we had our new puppy now in our lives and yes, me and my guy, not too many weeks after my return, decided to go on our separate ways. It was a joint decision and as such decided reciprocally. I wished him all the very best for his future and he was able to do the same to me. He comes into my trains of thought in my second book where I am reflecting on relationships and their quality.

He belongs to my past now but as my present of the time, it was a very good and healthy relationship. It did set a standard for the kind of reciprocity that I needed to have but have never been able to find again. I am still hoping for that but is that not what makes us INFJs. It was also the perfect separation too, an odd thing to say I know but true none the less. It was a relationship built on mutual most things, that was why two and a half years were shared very happily together.

It was our reciprocal desire to follow our passions that we did not share that brought us to the point of division. We do well to recognize that point of letting go. I mulled for a time, yes I did. I had enjoyed being loved and loving someone in return. But it was my last relationship of any meaning. So, it was EVER INCREASING CIRCLES FROM THERE, which is the title of the next chapter of my first book ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN. And I will give you an insight into my next moves as a SOLOIST. My SOLITARY life began!

I thank you ALL for reading. I am so happy that I have had readers from many countries. To add to my list of readers, I can now say a big thank you to new readers from Australia and Denmark, you are very welcome. That is so very pleasing to me, to know that individual people are reading some of my words at least.

I long still for some comment from you readers. I ask myself daily why maybe none comment. Can they really have nothing to say? I shall keep hoping and try to differentiate clearly between what is hoping and what is longing. Longing belongs to NEEDS. Hoping belongs to DESIRES. Maybe this INFJ-T just DESIRES that someone could see that I have NEEDS too, what do you think?

Are you, or have you been a traveller? How has travel changed you? Has travel changed you? Travel makes a wise person wiser and a fool more foolish! Who can relate to that? I know I can. Travel has made me wiser but that has been because of my choices of travel destinations. Do you get saturated at times? Who knows that FEELING?

I can only hope that this year 2022 has not been too cruel to you all. That in between the gloom and doom that is the man-made world of man-kind´s design, you have known some kindness, some consideration, some love and affection, but above all, that you can find some reason for hope to carry on facing life and take on another year. 

I do not make New Year Resolutions. My wish is still the same as it has been since I lived this chapter of my book back in 1986; to find a soul mate! COMMUNICATION with like minded people is my goal each and every day of my life. Why it is so elusive to me, I do not know? But I will hope that it is this New Year 2023, that will see a breakthrough and I may know the pleasure of continuous communication again. 

WHEN I AM NOT WRITING, I AM USUALLY DOING SOMETHING ELSE! THIS IS A CREAM AND FRUIT FILLED MERINGUE ROLL, WITH TOASTED ALMONDS AND ICING SUGER TOPPING! YUM, YUM!!!

Until the next time, happy learning! And for those of you who might like to read my book in your own time, I shall give you the links to Amazon: ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN Paperback and ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN e-book

Should any be interested in other INFJ bloggers, a list can be found, on which I feature also, on the following site. https://lifestyle.feedspot.com/infj_blogs

CHAIN BREAKING IS WHAT IS REQUIRED!

STRUCTURED RAMBLINGS AND JOINING THE LINKS, THE TITLES OF CHAPTERS 26 and 27 OF ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN. Post No.31 (A 10 minute read) 

My chapters seemed to find their own names; I really did not ever look for a suitable name. Each and every chapter just followed on naturally now that I had a chronological notion going on. This was my life lived, I just had to line up all the pieces in order. ORDER, uuuhm!! Whose order though? Mine of course, STRUCTURED RAMBLINGS being a very apt description of my whole writing style.

GETTING FESTIVE, OUTSIDE AS WELL!

Good evening to ALL readers around the world. It is lovely to know that there are some out there who are taking a moment to look my way. I would love to hear from you! No news is good news, it is said! Undaunted, I shall follow on with the task that I have set for myself, which is to try and interest others in reading my first book ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN. A very moving, funny, sad, happy, intriguing, interesting, enlightening, engaging book.

If anyone would like to take a look inside my book, you can do so on Amazon, here are the links: ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN Paperback and ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN e-book

Going through it all again with a new pair of glasses, I am being very slow and tortoise like. I will not go through it again. This is all part of our farewell preparation, which is why I am going slowly. I find it overwhelming really to read back through my words and see just how many different sensations I have experienced. So much joy and so much pain. But on with today´s review and chapter twenty-six STRUCTURED RAMBLINGS.

We had just passed the anniversary to out last trip to Córdoba which sparked off much melancholy. I fell into nostalgia mood and reminisced about one of my favourite Dire Straits gigs ever and the walkman which brought music into my ears wherever I went. Mark Knopfler and Bob Marley were permanent travel companions! I have already told you of the bald heads and the gig poster in Córdoba but in my book, it was at this point that it came into the tale. 

We had found the house where my partner was born and that had answered some of his questions about his past. I dwell on this whole process of people being uprooted from their places of birth for a variety of reasons. Having to adapt to new environments and their challenges. Trying to fit somewhere where you never really FEEL that you belong!

HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS! Our going home for Christmas is the proof of that and the criss-crossing of human traffic prior to Christmas shows just how much we miss our family home, all of us. The sad necessities of life that take you away from your home towns. So many faces that do not fit and yet spend each and every day trying to be accepted. It seems like an impossible achievement. 

How could I blame people for wanting to go home where their heart is, for a few days? Had I not always made a point of travelling home for Christmas too? Nothing though would have induced me to travel to see my mother that Christmas 2020. I had to stay away for the GREATER GOOD.

JOINING THE LINKS is chapter twenty-seven and the chapter is all about links. All things are made up of links which build to become chains. Starting with the coronavirus chains and how they were built, continuing to run unnoticed until a weak link was identified by heavy sickness. It was painful analysis. At the same time, I saw a documentary which examined the similarities between this COVID-19 pandemic and the Spanish Flu pandemic, nearly one hundred years ago.

True, much less was known then about air borne infection, but it was a repetition of the same process of turning a blind eye to the deaths of the poor and sickly, until the work force begun whittling down and the contact with the virus spread to the wealthy classes. This virus took much longer to spread all over the world. We had much less air travel of course and the majority of travellers abroad were the wealthy classes only.

I discuss our overall health levels around the world and see that less is more and more is less. Meat eating is one of the world´s most urgent issues. The high meat eating countries have high levels of heart disease and blood pressure related deaths. Saturated animal fats, something that we ALL need to cut out of our lives. I myself, eat very little meat of a year and could go without any at all. 

But in our western cultures who have built their diets around meat, the NO MEAT idea, is going to take a communal will to EVOLVE. My nation has never been known for free will to evolve and Spain will not be letting go of their black pigs anytime soon either!!

It is these chains of food supply that all need breaking down but first we need to breakdown the chains of dependency which uphold these food chains. Alternative dietary supplies must be available to replace the detrimental chains. The human change will be the climate change. This is all about demand and supply, or supply and demand!! We, as humans, have got to stop demanding harmful products full stop.

If the demand is not there, surely there will be no need for the supply. But of course, I think as a conscious human being, these are simple tasks really. Just applying ancient knowledge to today. We have got a long, long way to go though!

Are you currently a meat eater? If so, could you see your life without meat in your diet? Have you ever contemplated a meat free diet? Do you consume a lot of meat?

Thank you as always for reading. Please FEEL welcome to comment below or make communication by e-mail. There is a contact box in the right-hand panel and directly beneath it is the follow tab, why not keep up to date. I would love to hear from you. If this is your first read, well, have a look back at my first posts and follow my trains of thought from the beginning. Until next time, happy learning.

If you are interested in more INFJ reading check this list: https://lifestyle.feedspot.com/infj_blogs

GETTING BACK TO THE PURPOSE; MY BOOK!!

FINDING FINANCES ALL THE WAY TO BOMBAY! THE BOMBAY RESTAURANT THAT IS! Post No.30 (A 7 minute read) 

MY VERY OWN FIRST BOOK!

A job was a job I figured at that time in life. One needed money with which to make plans. No money, no plans!! Nothing has changed there; has it? If you have no access to money, then neither do you make any plans! My exact situation today of course, hence my dreaming of my future rather than actually planning my future!

The Indian restaurant job was a crack, it was. One thing for sure was that I was absolutely safe from sexual molestation in that job. They really were a friendly crew who I worked with and myself and the other female waitress, would often go clubbing with the younger, unmarried ones after work at the weekends. I became very friendly with the cook who was quite a zany type of guy, but we shared any number of picnics around my beautiful home city between lunch and evening shifts.

It was all about money. I had left my first job because of the continual sexual molestation and harassment by the boss and his loopy son. They were strapping great men both of them and it took a lot of force to get them off you. It was not just me, oh, no! It was every girl, each and every one of us. We were ALL FAIR GAME, as the boss saw it. The tussle that we had to endure in his office just to get the weekly wage pack!!

Eventually you back out, you hope that they will get the message that you are not interested but no! To these types, your interest is immaterial, it is exclusively about their own interest. There was such a long waiting list of people ready to work in his pub, that he really did not care who left and when, there was always someone else to replace them. Awful man indeed. And his far too public humiliation of his wife and daughters was so embarrassing for all of us as staff.

So, I missed the job and the good vibes but I really did not miss that continual molestation. I was saving for my next trip. The plan was Morocco with my guy. Big sister had free flights but not a lot of cash. Did I fancy Tunisia? You bet I did! We enjoyed another trip to Tunisia and were able to explore more in depth this time. We both felt perfectly safe here just as we did in Morocco. It was so nice to not be sexually harassed and molested as was par for course in the UK.

Not long after returning, my sister suffered a break up which threw her badly. She needed space and distance, so got a job transfer and moved to Cambridge. We drove across the region with our uncle in his van and I stayed a few days to help big sis´ get settled in and back home again myself. It was surprisingly costly living independently I was finding, so, back home again!

Once again, I have ploughed straight into my trains of thought without thinking to say Hello and good afternoon to ALL readers wherever you are in the world today. As I said in my last post, I cannot do order, established order that is. It FEELS like the right moment to say "Hello". There is a short review of chapter twenty-four, entitled FINDING FINANCES ALL THE WAY TO BOMBAY!

Now chapter twenty-five, which is entitled WINTER OF DISCONTENT. I was just thinking that as far as winter goes, I am not suffering too much as yet but of course, winter has not officially begun, has it? This last week of autumn then, is being very mild, which is fortunate as I can have the windows wide open to try and exchange our stale COVID-19 laden air indoors!

Typical of my `follow my trains of thought style´, I come back to the actual moment and begin my suffering of that very cold winter 2020/21. We were many of us, now ten months with no income at all. Savings all used up and winter was looking painfully full of suffering. It is the cold that is the killer, not the heat! 2020 was COVID-19 year, as I began to think about it. A no money year!

A living the same day every day existence. (My typical but now many others who had previously had a purpose in life, also no longer had!) It was a wasted year and all because of the man-made money- making machine, they could not lose any money, now could they? Unbelievably to me, after the massive increases in transmission after the summer holidays and the beginning of the school term, now we were all hell bent on "GOING HOME FOR CHRISTMAS", we had to SAVE Christmas.

Well, it was inevitable was it not? People criss crossing the world and taking COVID-19 to their loved ones. There was nowhere near enough solid testing being done and nothing now was preventing the spreading of the virus. The situation was officially out of control and all hopes were now on the vaccine!

The vaccine was to me, the sticking plaster again! We failed to prevent this virus become main stream. It is here to stay because as a general public in the westernized world, we could not care beyond our own vices! What hope was there for 2021? NONE! NONE AT ALL! We had now had 110,000 medical staff infected. 

Post Christmas and massive hospital numbers, deaths and guess what? We are talking about SAVING EASTER!!!! A target was set of no less than 50 million vaccines to be delivered by the Easter time. What, when we could not do more than a handful of tests per day?

CHINA were the only country who worked flat out to eradicate this virus. They could never succeed without the collaboration of the rest of the world, none of us could. Even now, the Chinese leader is being cajoled by the loud mouths to let COVID-19 run amok in China. There will be millions of deaths, that is the sadness. All avoidable of course but if the people no longer care about life, what can a leader do? You can force someone to abide by rules but you cannot force them to care about life!

As long as they do not hold their leader responsible for these avoidable deaths, then no problem. If they dare to pass the buck to their leader, then they deserve to be permanently shut up! They have not wanted to listen to and follow good guidance; transmission and death will be the result! The experts were right about the death tolls, I hope their one million Chinese losses by the end of the year does not transpire but I fear that number could turn out to be conservative!!

Thank you for reading. I have a new reader known to me who has given me a read. Thank you my fellow INFJ-T for considering me. I shall look forward to much more contact with you. Please FEEL welcome to comment in the space below or make communication via the contact box in the right-hand panel or become a Follower by clicking the follow button under the contact box.

Until the next time, happy learning! My seond book is live and available on most of the Amazon sites. These are the links to Amazon.com for you: ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN Paperback and ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN e-book

Othe INFJ bloggers are listed here: https://lifestyle.feedspot.com/infj_blogs

IT IS ANOTHER DAY! THANK GOODNESS FOR THAT!

THERE ARE DAYS WHEN WE SEE RED, WE BECOME ALL-CONSUMED BY AN EXTERIOR FORCE THAT THREATENS TO RENDER US IMPOTENT! Post No.29 (An 8 minute read) 

I imagine that all my fellow INFJs will know how that feels but the INFJs who can add a T for TURBULENT to their INFJ status, really are finding ourselves always on the brink of disappearing into oblivion as human beings. I say that there must always be a first time for all things and I have just marked another first. I have deleted all that I wrote last night for the GREATER GOOD, as I see it.

A NEW DAY DAWNS ON MY PART OF THE WORLD!

I could only see RED. My mind was not under my control. It was being driven by rage which had been provoked by another. No need to guess really who that may have been. All that I wrote was solid, real, true, yes it was, I have not taken back my words because they did not have any meaning. No, I have taken them back because I did not like my language. I was not speaking in my language; I was speaking in HIS language!

The language of antagonism, derision, scorn, hatred and loathing. I was a reflection of all that I reject in a human being. I did not hit the PUBLISH button last night for a reason. I had a sudden flash thought pass through my mind which said, "I bet you will get a flood of comments about this piece!" That is why I paused! If I FELT like that, then I must listen to myself, I am in here (my brain) somewhere!

PROVOCATION!! Do I wish to provoke people? The direct answer to that is YES! I do want to provoke people to start questioning all that is wrong in our lives and look to make changes to all that we do and the way in which we do it. I want to make people think, yes, I do. But I wish to provoke them into constructive thinking. CONSTRUCTIVE being the optimum word here! CONSTRUCTIVE THINKING that may serve a valid purpose.

I was on the DESTRUCTIVE yesterday and to spread destructive sensations is not my wish at all. I am against all the destructive forces which permanently seek to undermine the CONSTRUCTIVE thinking of minds like mine. I can now no longer remember what I wrote, what about that? That is because it served no valid purpose to anyone, me neither!

I did the only thing that I can do when I find my mind taken over by the DESTRUCTIVE forces, I search for the light of learning. YOU TUBE being the closest I get to watching TV, well, like they have not got some options there. I had to give him a wide berth in the end because he was giving me such a terrifyingly impotent feel that I could not believe it.

Just to explain, I was watching a self-confessed narcissist who had been five years so far receiving therapy/treatment for his narcissism. I appreciate what this is as a learning tool but it is tantamount to listening to the confessions of a brutal serial killer. The inside of these brains and how they think, why they do as they do! It makes very uncomfortable listening, it does. But what I have learnt so far does not give me any peace at all, far from it. It has sparked off a very frightening theory in my mind as to why it is us as INFJs both male and female, who seem to partner always with narcissists!

I am going to go into this further but not right now! It frightens me what I think I know! So, even my quest for distraction was only upsetting me more. I have a narcissist in my home, like I need another one on screen telling me why the one I have got in my lounge is treating me the way he is! And FEELING unwell too! Well, I got a breath of bracing Scottish Sea breeze and went off to the Hebrides and a fascinating archaeological dig. 

There it was!! My medicine! Mental stimulation, something CONSTRUCTIVE to kick start the living force and combat the decaying DESTRUCTIVE forces that dog my life and the lives of all of us directly or indirectly. He actually notes that the only time I SHUT up talking is when I am watching a documentary! He is not wrong in principle but I do not watch anything ever, I do not see the point in that. What is that about? Pleasing the eyes?

I am so INTUITIVE and so FEELING that I just immerse myself and absorb everything when it catches my interest. That is why I have a permanent copy of everything of meaning in my memory stores and wow! How I love to expand on those when asleep? I actually slept from 11.30pm until 6.30am, when I went to the bathroom and then back to sleep. It was 10am when my partner arose and within ten seconds, I could hear the TV. I closed the bedroom door and went back to the archaeological dig in my sleep.

I woke at 3pm! That Scottish Sea breeze seemed to have cleared out my nostrils just like my Norfolk North Sea breeze always used to do. We seemed to be plagued by colds and coughs as young children in the 1960s and 1970s. My mother would get us all well wrapped up and packed into the car and off to the sea side. In mid-winter our Norfolk coast line is rough. It is beautiful for sure, but the winds are gale force, the waves are crashing wildly. But how it all seems to clear the respiratory system, it really does!

That thickness of head is removed too and we would always feel better after this day spent with nature and her curative powers! Well, of course, I am being romantic here, the Scottish Sea breeze I have yet to know and yes, I am now a week into my COVID-19 infection, as such I can hope that I will now be FEELING more on form again in the next few days. But the long hours spent digging on that wind swept Hebridean island for the best part of fifteen hours, has certainly seen my airways a lot clearer today!!!

What had been my intention today in my blog, continue reviewing my book, ah yes! I have needed to talk about now more than the past. I live now and now is a result of the past. Until you make a decision to relegate something that belongs to the NOW to the PAST, they will always be overlapping! 

I see that today I have readers joining me from the United States of America as well as Canada, Spain and Indonesia. You are ALL very welcome, please do not FEEL afraid to comment on my blogs there is a space for your comments below. That is what I would so like ALL of you as readers to do. I also have a contact box in the right-hand panel for e-mail communication or why not click the follow tab and keep up to date? We need to be communicating, we need to be supporting each other from a distance, we need to have a place where we know we can find caring, understanding fellow INFJs who are ALL in tune with the CONSTRUCTIVE forces.

As undisciplined as I am by nature, I shall not say what my next blog might or might not be about. I have been trying to work off a plan and apply a modicum of order to my own work and that is back firing. I have got the lyrics of a Sex Pistols song flooding my mind right now. `PROBLEM´ is the song title. I am smiling though, I cannot even follow my own plan. I know why though! I do not do ORDER as others do.

I FEEL my way and that is where I am always happiest, at least if I am pleasing myself, something positive I am achieving. I have now got my mother´s voice ringing in my head saying, "You only really ever learn things for the purpose that they can serve to you!" "Why else would I spend the time learning if not for that reason?" I would contest! So that my learning can serve someone elses purposes, NO?? I will not lend my brain to ill usage, NO, NO and NO!

Free flow it is, that is my way. How I FEEL at that moment in time. How do you work? Do you have self-discipline? Do you need to stick to instructions and guidelines? Or are you like me and find guidelines too restricting? Are you your own guide?

Thank you all for reading. Until the next blog, happy learning! With great happiness, I can give you the Amazon links to my first book: ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN Paperback and ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN e-book

Other INFJ bloggers can be found here: https://lifestyle.feedspot.com/infj_blogs

SCHOOL DAYS ARE DONE! THANK HEAVENS FOR THAT!!!

EVER INCREASING CIRCLES....... SEX, DRUGS AND ROCK AND ROLL! Post No.28 (A 16 minute read) 

I do not know how many of you readers absolutely longed to finish secondary school and continue to increase your circles of movement. I know I did! School felt like a going through the motions to me! What point was there in all of this, I asked myself with great regularity? Even as those ever increasing circles took me further and further away from all those that I had previously known, I did not FEEL any sense of regret at all.

It seemed right, these people were not going down my path, was it not inevitable therefore, that we would part company. I for my part, was glad when we did. That proximity day after day with those same people was always a tough ask! What did we learn, I also ask myself? Well, right now I am thinking that one of the things that we learnt was tolerance! How to put up with people that you did not necessarily like or get on with!

Quite important learning really, was it not? That primarily, is what we have to do most of every day of our lives, is it not? TOLERATE. Well, I have stopped tolerating by and large. No, that is maybe what we should never have done. TOLERATE. As I said in my last blog, the continual touching up of the boys should have been UNTOLERABLE!! It was UNTOLERABLE to us as girls, it was! But we had to TOLERATE it!!

No uncertain amount of freedom came my way on leaving secondary school therefore, and touching up daily, became a thing of the past!! It continued to be frequent but not the sustained daily onslaught that was the school day!! I was living and breathing music by this stage and had been to a number of musical gigs already. I did not have any fixed plans as yet, I think it takes some time to shrug off school before you can start thinking clearly again. Know what I mean?

HAPPY WINTER HOLIDAYS TO ALL!

Good afternoon to you readers around the world, you find me today writing from my bed. I FELT better this morning but with the television overheating in the lounge, I am staying confined to my bedroom. Shades of the past and visions of the future all in one!! Today I am reviewing chapter twenty-three of my first book ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN, which is entitled SCHOOL IS OUT!

Should you be interested in buying my book, you can find it on Amazon with these links: ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN Paperback and ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN e-book

Having had the summer holiday breather, I headed away from home to college and began to find a more independent state of being. But that was clearly a case of the grass is greener and I decided to carry on my second year of the course back in my home city college. That was for the September term though, first we had the summer holidays.

My beloved late elder sister was now working and had a small flat just round the corner from the college. Can you believe it? She had started her career in the travel business, figuring that there would be cheap opportunities of travel from within the business and she was not wrong. So it was that we headed off on our first foreign trip together. She had a two for the price of one and we headed off to Morocco.

It was the beginning of today for me and for her. It whet our appetite for the exotic and travel became our focus. I had one of the only good relationships with a guy that I have ever had at this time and this was a beautiful year in my life. I fell in love for the first time and I did really love this young man. Two and a half years we stayed together and it was with great sadness that we parted company.

But before that, we shared much. College finished for me and another trip was arranged with my elder sister. Another two for one to a Greek island which we enjoyed. I was no longer a student and had to look for work and well, my elder sister was working evenings in one of the most IN places of the times in my home city. Our father did the interior designs, although he never got paid for it!! I came along, had a chat with the boss and was taken on.

I started my first job and the student days and schedules were left behind. They were good days, some of my most fulfilling days spent in my country. We were a nice crowd, the Young Punks of my home city. There were some fabulous pubs to hang out in beside the one that I worked in. Many of which had their interiors designed by my father as well!!! Music was omnipresent in our lives and there was a lot of thinking going on.

We were anarchists, we could see through our leaders, we could see the classist society that was being upheld, based on wealth and rank possessing. Much of the music of the times sang about the issues that we were facing as youths in my country and beyond. We branched out musically and were tuning in to many different beats. Now it seems that there is just the one musical beat, the dead beat!!

Sri Lanka was our next port of call and I who had longed to have close ups with elephants, was in heaven. My sister and I really did have a fabulous time and yes, I did have my beautiful day with elephants, another of those days of my life that will never fade into oblivion! I can still smell the elephants, still hear them, still FEEL them. Pure magic! I also found out what it was to have sun stroke too. I had known air sickness, sea sickness, road sickness and now sun sickness, but there was not any sun!!!

No, there was no sun on that day, there was not. It was grey and drizzly but it was very hot none the less. It was the beginning of the monsoon season, muggy and wet but still very hot. Be warned please!! Sun stroke is very unpleasant, it is. As you can read in this chapter of my book.

Each time I came back, I picked up where I had left off with my guy but of course, he was not sat still whilst I was doing my thing! No, he had his own plans and ambitions. That was part of the attraction you know. Here was a guy who knew what he wanted, who had his ambitions, just like me. But our ambitions were so very different. We could support each other always, just as we supported our separation further down the line of time.

He would have made a wonderful soul mate, he was INFJ, I can see it, just that our skills were distinct.

Have you had good relationships that have come to a natural end? Do you remember any teenage relationships favourably? Can you see how difficult it is to find your partner at this young age?

I thank you for reading and please FEEL welcome to comment in the space below or make communication via my contact box in the right-hand panel where you can also find my follow tab, if you would like to keep up to date with me. Next post I will be FINDING FINANCES.......ALL THE WAY TO BOMBAY in chapter twenty-four, so check that out. 

For now, I shall make a cup of tea and have a snooze. Until next time, happy learning.

More INFJ writers can be found here: https://lifestyle.feedspot.com/infj_blogs

A GIRL KNOWS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YES AND NO!

IT IS MY TURN! AFTER THREE YEARS OF LIVING WITH COVID-19 ALL AROUND ME, IT HAS NOW COME INTO MY HOME! Post No.27 (A 10 minute read) 

Oh, I am angry! Oh, I am annoyed! Oh, I am frustrated! I have got COVID-19. I have been so very careful and yet I knew, I have said it in my books, I knew that eventually it would be my taxi driver partner who would bring COVID-19 home with him and share it with me, of course. And that inevitability, as I saw it, has now transpired.

A test taken yesterday confirmed clearly his positive status but mine was unclear. Today´s tests have shown him clearly positive again and now me, clearly positive too. All the best laid plans, hey? Another pause of my life button, as I suffer the television all morning, all afternoon and all evening, plus he is going deaf!!! What suffering? 

In spite of the antagonistic environment, I try to rise above the situation and see today as another day. I am not suffering any physical symptoms of COVID-19 even though my test result is clearly positive. Therefore, I have no excuse to take a day off, my future still eludes me and I must use each day wisely! As such, I have been reading through my first book ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN. 

What a lovely book!!! Yes, I shall say it again. What a lovely book Gillian! I am hoping that by reviewing my book in depth that I may interest readers to want to read it. The Amazon links are these: ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN Paperback and ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN e-book

MY VERY OWN LIFE AND THOUGHTS IN WORDS!

I am reading through now, what were some of the most special days of my life. They stay in my mind as the most precious experiences that I have ever had. No, nothing that I have experienced since, has come even close in truth! This is where my future lies. What I am annoyed with, is myself! I have upgraded my reading glasses since I typed up my first book and the mistakes!!!! I went over it all four times and I did not see all those mistakes!!

Well, I did have to read through a veil of tears quite frequently. So, I have taken it off sale for the moment to tidy it up, now with a slightly clearer vision!! I love this book. One day it will be able to sit on my shelf, that will be when I will really be at peace with her. She will be where she belongs, on view, in my home. A visible proof of my work! Not as it is now, a secret! Which none the less, I am trying to let as many people as possible know about!

Hence my blog spot! Trying to reach out to other INFJs like myself who may have some depth of FEELING and get to FEEL in tune with me. I long to have some feedback on my book but if no one reads it, how will that ever come about? So, I am reviewing my own book and hoping to encourage others to maybe want to read it. Because as I live with no income, I shall not be doing any fancy promoting and advertizing for my books!

I was going IN SEARCH OF EARRINGS was I not? That is right yes, chapter twenty-two entitled IN SEARCH OF EARRINGS. We were plunged into our winter of discontent here but I transported myself, in mind and soul, if not in body, back in time, back to my homeland, back to my childhood and this is where I thought, let me see if I have got enough to write a REAL book about me. My memoires, my own autobiography, my life story, plus my trains of thought!

This was where I really began to flow. I had been gushing, splurging, drenching but now I began to flow. I was thinking to myself, well, no one will ever read it will they? This is about ME finding a reason to carry on living because right at that moment, I really could not see one reason to wake up one day more! I disappeared. I was no longer here and that FELT great. I would be surprised when my partner came home in the evening. "Who was he? What was he doing here?"

The time warps and the shock of coming back to my reality each day. But I did not come back fully, no, just enough to feign attention and give monosyllabic answers, all that is required really! My night time visions were filled with the sounds, smells and sights, that I had been writing of that day. I was absorbed completely. My now, my today, paled by comparison. I had never looked for my today, as it actually is. How to change it is my only thought now!

Well, you know, the major difference is freedom. I was free then to make my own decisions. I no longer am! I wait for that freedom again to decide what I do with my today and tomorrow and next week! I would enjoy sharing my life but not at any cost, that is what I am learning now. Compatibility has to exist. We were circumstantially compatible that is what I can see.

I had a wonderful childhood, I did. As a young child, I had been taken to a whole variety of places within my own country and it was as a ten year old, that I had my first taste of foreign travel. We went on a Mediterranean cruise, which in truth, I did not enjoy much but our day spent exploring Tunis, Sidi Bou Said and Carthage, that was something else!

This was my first real taste of the Arab world and I was so excited by it all. It really was an eye opener for my elder sister and I. From there on, we both began to build our own lists of places that we would like to visit. We both wanted to see more of Tunisia, which we were to do in later years. 

We went off to Mallorca the following summer and wow!!! The heat was unbearable. No, this travelling to foreign countries definitely had its drawbacks too. It is all about our expectations really and what they are. I went off skiing in Italy on a school trip and so, the travel miles began to clock up and the notion of going off to a foreign country did not seem like a daunting one.

But maybe it was Europe that did not have the exotic factor that I was always looking for. No, it had to be Africa and Asia for me!! I really do recommend taking children travelling at an early age. It is so important to know early on that there is a great big world out there, beyond your nation´s boundaries.

All just waiting to be explored!! But I was still in secondary school and dealing with all the hassles that came with it! The continual touching up by the boys was one of those hassles. Today that same behaviour is officially called, `sexual harassment or sexual molestation´. Yes, the boys did sexually harass us girls! Yes, the boys did sexually molest us as girls! It was pandemic. It was so systematic that I do not think that I, or any other girl even thought ever, to maybe tell a teacher about it.

It was so much a part of each and every day at school, that we assumed that we had to put up with this as best as we could. This sexual harassment and sexual molestation extended out of the school grounds as well. Men of any age would put their hands on us as girls, in a sexually intentional way. We did nothing at any time to either provoke this, or warrant this. It would take us all by surprise!!

Why did he just do that? I did not ask him to? As females, we thought that it was us who gave the male a signal to come on to us! Yes, we were and are still right! That is how it should be! But as you younger readers can see; it has never been any different. He fancies you and that is that! Out go those hands and you are groped all over!

We would have to slap hands away all day. "Bugger off and leave me alone" It was the bane of our days at school as girls. Any male would `try his luck´. They were gropers, all of them. WHO DID THEY AND WHO DO, MALES THINK THEY ARE? Or maybe I should better ask, WHO DO THEY THINK WE ARE, AS FEMALES? Easy game, many would have answered no doubt. GAME, we were considered GAME. Some needing chasing harder and some succumbed more easily!!

SEXUAL EDUCATION of the human male is still pending. As women we are now finally beginning to gain the right to not have our bodies touched by males, just because they feel like doing so. The right of the female to choose whose hands touch her and when, is only now being recognized in law! SOLO SI, ES SI, as this law is called in Spain. ONLY YES, IS YES!

Males are trying to convince us that they understand women to the degree that, she says "NO" but actually means "YES". You just need to be more forceful with her, relieve her indecision! "NO", means "NO!" I say it time and time again, male evolution is pending. The difference between YES and NO, he still cannot understand. He stalks HIS prey now with packs of other predators like himself, "NO", will not be accepted for an answer.

Consensual rape occurs in most married couple´s relationships. The sexual going through the motions, is considered the male right and as such, the female obliges daily. THE MALE SEXUAL INTERPRETATION OF SEXUAL RELATIONS! A totally one-sided affair. And husbands wonder why women seek extra marital sexual partners. SEXUAL PARTNERS please note! So as to have a reciprocal sexual encounter rather than go through the motions with their husband!

The divine right of the male to complete sexual dominance, what he says goes!! I will say it over and over again, sexual frustration is a female condition. We go through the motions every day and each and every day we think the same!!! As females we have a completely different interpretation of intimate sexual relations with a male. We do think of the two way factor above all else. That is why we get nowhere fast with a member of man-kind.

You are circumstantial as the wife. You do not warrant any consideration and the idea that you could FEEL sexual desire, well, of course, he will never have seen you desirous of sexual interactions, will he? You have to pretend that no, darling, I do not have any sexual thoughts ever. WE spend our lives longing in reality!! Sooner or later we will have to give in to our female hormones, which drive us to our longing for intimacy. That is what your partner/husband will not entertain. He does not want to know about you, you are there for him.

So, who is there for you therefore? NOT HE, at least not on the intimacy level he is not, or on the sexual desire level he is not. Empty relationships whereby a female renounces the possibility of sexual pleasure and accepts the going through the motions! Marriage as I have said, has ever less takers. WE were not meant to be permanent partners as males and females. NO, not at all. We were however natural sexual partners though!

The tables have been turned on the females of this world. Our right to decide who we have our sexual relations with and who we have our children with, is not a reality as yet. We still as yet, are not being honest as women and telling the truth of our poor, unsatisfactory sexual encounters with males. We have to keep quiet and protect the male sexual ego. Our macho studs, our alpha males, who are by majority same-sex males, hence their total aversion to coupling with their wives and female partners.

Teaching is begging but I doubt very much that MAN-KIND could even contemplate the idea that he is the sexual inferior and the sexual ignorant! He does not even know how to speak to a woman let alone arouse her sexually, but then again, does he want to arouse her sexually? No, of course not, he would then have to perform like a lover, her sexual partner. No one has taught him how to be a sexual partner, have they?

No, males have not been taught how to be sexual partners with either females or males. They have been taught how to inseminate a female, lest they not be able to work that out for themselves!

Have you as a female, ever found a pleasurable sexual experience with a male? Do you go through the sexual motions with your partner? Are you sexually frustrated in your relationship? What is your opinion on male sexual dominance?

I thank you for reading as always. Please FEEL welcome to comment in the space below or make communication and answer some of my questions. I have a contact box for sending me your e-mail address if you would prefer to communicate by e-mail. I have a follow tab too, why not click that and keep up to date with my Trains of Thought. I look forward to that day! 

I have attracted readers in Canada, India and Indonesia this week, you are very welcome my friends. Please do join me again in my next blog, where I will be leaving school behind in chapter twenty-three entitled SCHOOL IS OUT! My test result today shows me positive again so, I shall have to cancel my two meetings this week. On the plus side (is there one), I do not FEEL unwell for the moment!

Other INFJ blogs can be found here: https://lifestyle.feedspot.com/infj_blogs

A CHANCE MEETING HELPS ME FIND MY PATH ANEW!

OH!! THOSE CROSSROADS OF THE WORLD AND THE TRAVELLERS THAT PASS THROUGH THEM. SO MUCH CAN BE EXCHANGED IF TWO PEOPLE HAVE THE WILL TO COMMUNICATE! Post No.26 (A 7 minute read) 

And so it was, I put my book writing ambitions aside. I knew no one would support me! I knew in my heart of hearts that my partner would not support me but I was still entertaining thoughts that he may read my book and so left out one of the most important happenings of my last twenty-five years. As it transpired, HE does not know that I even finished that book. HE has never so much as referred to it again.

So, I began my second book and this time, I was going to give credit where credit is due and I did. But I am going to bring that chance meeting into my review of my first book because this is just when it came about. 

TRADITIONAL CELEBRATIONS IN KANO, NIGERIA.

I had ventured out for the first time after the easing of the first round of COVID-19 restrictions but we did have a fifty euro fine for being outdoors without a facial mask. I knew that as a whole, we were in a bad way. We had millions of families lining up for food parcels from aid centers, it was dramatic. What six months without an income can do to reduce a family to their knees!!

I approached my local supermarket and saw a sight that stopped me dead in my tracks! An African man was sat with a pot on the ground, asking for money. He held a book in his hand, I knew what that was. "OH, NO!" I said to myself. "THIS MAN REALLY NEEDS HELP!" I went to him and said "Hello" and asked if he knew about our COVID-19 situation and the dangers of being without a mask, plus the fifty euro fine for not wearing one.

He knew of the virus but not the fine. Straight away he got his mask out of his bag and put it on. No, he had not been following the local news, no, he had not. He had been far too busy trying to keep himself with enough food to eat and get enough money home to his family to keep them fed each day too. All of this under confinement and then tight restrictions. My heart went out to him. He could not have found a worse time to chance his luck abroad.

I bought him a bag of food that day and we continued to chat for a while as I filled him in on all that I knew of COVID-19 and our current situation work wise. No, it was not going to be easy for him, it was not.

I went out shopping far more often than I needed to and in short time we were becoming familiar with each other. We began to meet each other for longer chats and I told him of my writing. He was not surprised at all. No, he thought that I was making great sense. There, I knew it. I am not the only one in the world but I am an African out of Africa. Yes, that is what I needed to clarify and here was my proof.

In a matter of hours spent in conversation with this man, I had shared more with him than I had with my partner of then twenty-five years. Intimacy, trust, understanding, listening, caring, sharing, all that was missing from my relationship was being clearly defined by this chance meeting of a traveller from Africa. This was the kind of communication that I needed. Honest, sincere, non-judgemental, reciprocal and yes, there I hit the nail on the head! RECIPROCAL! There was the difference.

I so enjoyed listening to his stories and learning of his life and experiences. We became FRIENDS! I had found a friend or maybe my friend found me! Even as we were moving into autumn, we could see that once the holiday traffic was finished with, we would have to start controlling our movements again.

"Did I think he had any possibility of finding work?" he asked me. "NO!" I was obliged to tell him. "We need to get you home before all goes absolutely crazy here for Christmas!" And so, a fraught plan was made to get him back home. Plan A fell through, Plan B fell through, Plan C fell through!! My goodness, that African resilience is so remarkable, so tough. Eventually with the snows falling heavily in Madrid, Plan D saw him get up into the air as one of the last flights that was able to take off before the heaviest snows that Madrid have ever known came upon them!

Even in his dire situation, I had helped restore his faith in the human being. Do not ask how but I found the money for his flight and I was so happy to do so. It was a human act and that is what I miss being. HUMAN!! His disbelief when I started making flight plans was quite something. "Why are you doing this for me?" he would ask. "Because you are a truly righteous and worthy human being. You are in my land and you need help. Your people have given me help and advice travelling around your lands. They did not need any reason for doing so my friend. It was a human act just as mine is a reciprocal human act and I am proud to be a TRUE HUMAN BEING who can FEEL in this way! You deserve help my friend, you are in distress and you cannot help your family from here!"

In my next chapter of ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN, I begin my travelling days and as you will find out maybe, I have enjoyed the company of so many different peoples along the way. Quite the most wonderful times shared that I have in my memory banks. This man brought all of those pieces that I loved back into my foreground and reminded me what it is to really feel reciprocity again. RECIPROCITY, yes, reciprocity was missing from my life. Sincerity was missing from my life. A shared purpose was missing from my life.

It was when he arrived safely back home again, that in my now very lonely state,  I decided to hey, you know what? I am going back to Africa. I cut off from all around me and I went into a trance daily and literally walked through my life, step by step. I was gone for a full seven months and I only just brushed the surface!!!! I would burst into laughter as I was writing. I would get choked up with tears as I was writing. It was an emotional business for sure.

That is all to come and I remember my new friend with much fondness, we shared some dramatic days together and that is bond building stuff! We speak regularly by phone and I know that I wish to help him and his family further still. It was two years ago now that we were tussling with flight cancellations and PCR tests in private clinics but we managed to get him home. His mother sadly, died just a few weeks after his return and I was so grateful that we had got him back, to be by her side when she most needed him.

You may notice the number of times that I have said WE in this blog post. How quickly a relationship can build where there is sincerity, honesty, understanding, warmth and affection and reciprocity!!! I woke into the new me! The one who was mostly happy because I was responding to my intuition, my FEELINGS and using MY judgement based on what my inner eye could see! That is how I wish to live, in tune with myself first and foremost, not having to struggle against a flow that is not mine. I had escaped that only to find myself being jammed into a mould that I would never have chosen!

Have you crossed paths by pure chance and found that that chance meeting has had a great influence on you? Do you have trouble trusting unknown people? Do you find reciprocity in your relationships?

Thank you all for reading and please FEEL welcome to comment below or make communication by e-mail, I have a contact box in the right-hand panel as well as a follow tab, if you would like to keep up to date with me. I would love to hear from someone somewhere. Next post I will get back to my book and continue reviewing my trains of thought for you all. Until then, happy learning. 

My book is available on Amazon, these are the links for you: ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN e-book and ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN Paperback

More infj reading: https://lifestyle.feedspot.com/infj_blogs

WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND!

OR AT LEAST IT DOES WHEN WE REFUSE TO LEARN HOW TO AVOID MOVING IN CIRCLES! Post No.25 (A 7 minute read)

A very good afternoon to you ALL. A hot shower has given me a little lift and so I plough into my next post in which I shall review chapter twenty-one of my first book ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN, the title of which is, WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND!

MY FIRST BOOK!

In this instance, I am referring to our imminent third wave of COVID-19. They were being referred to as waves of infection but in truth, they were the result of each easing of preventative spreading measures. We have lulls in high transmission rates and so perceived that we were winning the fight against the virus!! It was wishful thinking; they were lulls in the tempest!

I was still continuing to be horrified at the ignorance of much of the general public. The will to get back to regular life was greater than the will to prevent the loss of life. We had chased our tails again and the school autumn term was just a few weeks away and with no clear plans in sight. Families had gone on summer holidays and our children were all now becoming positive cases too. It was looking ever worse.

We had a far higher infection rate in September 2020 than in the March of 2020. I could see that we would have to go into lockdown, we could not allow all of these unnecessary deaths, could we? Or could we? Well, yes, we could! We now had twenty-five thousand deaths from a virus that no one seemed to want to take seriously. When there were good, solid guidelines, only half chose to follow them. The VIRTUALLY REAL people could not get in touch with our very REAL REALITY. 

I needed to escape this madness too. What could I do? Where could I go? Back into me, my only salvation. I could see that here in Spain we had no youth interest in the REAL world, that is a REAL worry. I quote myself from this chapter:

There are numerous negative elements to add to the already well-established institutional negatives of sexism, prejudice, inequality and poverty. When our youth have no interest in reality and no longer incubate the desire and will to try and move our reality to a better place, I indeed feel fear!

There is the old, `If you cannot beat them, join them´ philosophy. Then there is the, `I am not going to stand for this´ philosophy and there is the, `This is nothing to do with me´ philosophy. Or you can try the escapism philosophy and create your own world within another world, in which you and your selected members live and collectively forget that there is a REAL world turning out there every day. A REAL world that no longer has an outspoken youth ready to stand up and make changes!

My generation failed to make any changes at the time, but some twenty-five years on, our LOOK became `fashion´???!! I still struggle to understand what `fashion´ really is! Brain dead people who obviously have no ideas of their own and so have to, like the obedient sheep that they are, follow HE who tinkles the bell! The fashion designer picked up on this lot a long time ago and it is surprising how much money a little tinkle of a bell can make for some, is it not?

I am referring to the many earrings and nose studs/rings, which were the choice of my generation. I for my own part well, please do not forget that I had been watching documentaries about all manner of tribes for ten years before I got started on my perforations! I had the pleasure of knowing as a child, our local Bangladeshi doctor´s wife, who wore a beautiful gold flower stud in her nostril!

To have seen this so close up was to have me wanting, as of about seven years of age, to have a nose stud! As for the earrings, the influence there is totally Wodaabe. For those of you who do not know our African indigenous peoples, the Wodaabe are a nomadic people who wander around the Sahara and sub-Saharan nations of West Africa. The Wodaabe women adorn their ears with very large hooped rings!! End of quote.

Then my own quest for earrings began and I talk of the difficulties at school because the rules allowed only one pair of earrings! I had nine earrings!!!! But the boys were wearing earrings too! There were foolish connotations associated with boys wearing earrings and in particular in which ear they were worn!! So, the rules were changed to one pair of earrings, one earring in each ear only and for girls only!! 

When my boy went to secondary school he was allowed to wear two earrings and the girls were wearing more than one pair per ear! I reminded him then of the struggles that we had as teenagers at secondary school, taking out our earrings and nose rings many times a day. Some freedoms we had won but they were not felt until some generations later.

I am sure that most of us are still happily wearing our earrings and nose rings, the only difference is that now others deem you, AAAAAAARGH!!! Dare I say it? FASHIONABLE! You have to live it to know it. I quote myself again:

Today we are living `anything goes´! Maybe we did achieve something after all!! All be it only getting the ball rolling on the freedom to wear more than one pair of earrings at school, for the girls AND the boys!!!! And I remind my son of that. He had a freedom that I had not had at that same age but because we never removed our adornments, well, you have ALL got used to it, have you not? Forty years it took but it was not that big a deal really, was it?

The big deal was our challenging the very foundations that upheld our very own society, was it not? A REAL fear, clever people who can see through their elders and are prepared to blow their cover!! Alarm bells were clanging!! Extinction, annihilation, we must shut them up before any of the sheep start to listen to them and they wake up!! PUNK IS NOT DEAD, BUT THEN NEITHER IS MAN-KIND, YET!!!! End of quote.

What a strange existence it is that we have to live unless we are able to be independent of man-kind in every way!! Do you have many pairs of earrings and nose studs? How many years have you been wearing yours? Would you ever consider taking them out? Does it bother you that others have many earrings or nose studs?

It is my anniversary today and I shall congratulate myself. I started my blog spot one month ago now. I have posted twenty five blogs in those first thirty days. I have had four hundred and four views to my blog and from six different countries so far. One person has made contact with me in that one month and I am very grateful to you Ms. C for taking the time to make contact. TIME, that is what we need and never find. 

In many ways, this marks the point in my book where I began to change direction. I will talk of my reasoning for that in my next post, so until then.................

I thank you for reading and please FEEL welcome to comment in the space below or make communication via the comment box in the right-hand panel, under which you can see my follow tab if you would like to follow my Trains of Thought. I would love to hear from you!

This book can be viewed and purchased on the Amazon sites, the .com links are these: ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN Paperback and ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN e-book

For more infj blogs check here: https://lifestyle.feedspot.com/infj_blogs

WHAT IS THE POINT OF WHAT I AM DOING?

DO YOU KEEP ASKING YOURSELF, "WHY AM I DOING THIS?" Post No.24 (A 14 minute read) 

That is just where I am again today my friends, wondering why I even bother to wake up and get out of bed. What purpose does my day serve to me? None! That is the simple answer! None at all! Beyond getting through another day that is. At the end of each day though, there is the same dissatisfaction as the one before, I have again failed to make contact with a human being.

I try not to become obsessed with that notion. I know, I have always known, that they were few and far between! I know that we are all invisible and have gags on our mouths in principle but I am revealing myself, no, not to all and sundry I admit, that will surely, as I know from long experience, only bring negative sensations. I am an INFJ personality type and I will NOT FEEL ashamed of that. OH, NO!

I AM proud to be how I am. I will stand by me but I am so isolated that I go almost mad each day. I ask myself, am I uncontactable? I am unworthy of contact? I am unworthy of consideration as a real human being? Well, it seems so to me today just as every day that I have known for the last three decades! I write books, I write blog posts, I reach out and yet, none can find anything to say to me. How sad that makes me FEEL, I cannot put into a few words!

Hello, I should maybe have said first!! Hello and good morning to ALL readers wherever you are in the world right now, I can only hope that your panorama today will be a happier one than mine. At the same time, I am so deeply aware that there are billions of people in the world who will be suffering far more than I, today and tomorrow! My suffering is for the most part psychological and emotional, with a small part physical. There are those for whom the onslaught of this trio of trauma, are their daily feed!

I remember the point of all that I do and that is to find the way to help others who suffer far more than I. That is my purpose, that is my reason for continuing to live again today. Not losing sight of the reason for trying again today to find hope and steel my will to keep trying to make contact with fellow human beings. I am writing books which talk about reality, our human reality and man-kind´s reality, which after all have become one and the same.

MY FIRST BOOK!

My book is now available for sale on the Amazon sites. I shall give you the .com links for those who may be interested: ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN Paperback and ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN e-book

It is my objective to find an income through my book sales. I must find a source of income just as we all must. Sadly here in Europe, we cannot live as nomads, we do not have that freedom anymore! We cannot live off fresh air, as we say! I have no support from my known circles and am at a loss. Why? Why has communication become so impossible? Why does no one want to think about anything other than their ownself in the physical sense?

Yes, fair enough, each person who can support themselves independently, is one less burden for a nation. That is what is begging still world wide. Full scale independence! Nations are so dependent on many other nations for foods and materials and within, there are far too many citizens who are living in `DEPENDENCY´, that is to say that they are dependent on others to survive.

Well, if we take into account that until the last fifty years or so, half of the world was maintained in a state of total dependency!? The female population of the world! Not one of us allowed to work for ourselves and only allowed to work as slaves for others. It continues to be the same in many nations. In Europe as females, we have seen education become obligatory and the general assumption is that we will as females, all go and work somewhere. Equal wages though, are still pending for many of us. It is true to say that this is an issue which is currently being addressed here in Spain.

The most debilitating human condition is that of DEPENDENCY, it is CRIPPLING! No power of decision, never able to make any choices, always having to take on the chin what comes your way and even be grateful that this little has come your way. ANARCHY is what is required. The Roman Imperialist structure is sound, it is just the hierarchy that is wrong and ever has been.

This brings me nicely round to chapter nineteen, entitled THE DAYS OF THE CALIPHAS, which I am reviewing today.

In this chapter I look at the reality of our royal houses, our pillars of society and what their purpose is in today´s modern times. I have already begun tackling that question and go on to look at that divine protection that was always afforded our Kings and Lords, the secrecy and relative privacy that they had before cameras and modern day journalists. Oh, no! Not so very long ago, the general public would hear rumours, tittle tattle but would never really know what was or was not, going on up in the big house!

The THEM and US days, which of course, are still ongoing! With the invention of the printing press, news pamphlets and later the news sheet all came into being. Spreading literacy skills meant that more people were able to read and therein find information from beyond their sphere of view. The contrast to the nomadic life-style where you go to the source of information, in our world, the information comes to us! All back to front, man-kind just does exactly the opposite to what we need to do. That is why man-kind exists as a separate race, he has separated HIMSELF from the human race.

It is HE who has tried to defy all that has been learnt throughout the millennia and build HIS world on top of the natural world. HE is wrong every step of the way!! HE wanted to show that HE had evolved and become a better HUMAN being. HE HAD NOT EVOLVED. HE just turned HIS back on our human knowledge and began to build HIS own knowledge, of HIS own world. The man-made world of concrete.

HE removed the forests to replace them with concrete jungles and then taught people how to live in them and how to work in them and later how to breath in them too. Dictatorship was born, MAN-KIND had to be the ultimate leader of the man-made world now did HE not? No one else could ever work out what the heck was going on! No, we have to be taught to live in the man-made world because by pure intuition, you really would get nowhere fast.

This my fellow INFJs, is where the INTUITIVE quality became relegated to unnecessary. It was the OBSERVANT `ability´ that was then taught. WATCH and DO AS I DO! We were no longer supposed to think for ourselves, no, that was not required, not by the multitudes of US. No, the thinking would be done by the TOP DOGS alone. We became the RUMPS of man-kind. It was US who were forced or cajoled, into building HIS concrete jungle. And then given a rule book as to how to live within it!

Those like myself have rebelled against that rule book always and always will. It is all alien to the natural world and the natural order of all things. Man-kind himself is the negative force that destroys planet Earth. Man-kind himself is the killer of human females and males. MAN-KIND sees US as disposable tools, only alive to keep HIS man-made world of DEPENDENCY going!

Fortunately, the cloak of protection is becoming thinner and is occasionally ripped clean off. Public figures are photographed at all times of the day or night, with or without their permission. Their very private life is no longer so very private. Trashy newspapers and glossy magazines have made the privates lives of public figures their selling pitch.

The focus is on what they do in their private lives as opposed to what they do in their public lives. That is what sells, sad to say. Who is wearing what and who designed it? The point or the purpose of what they are doing has become irrelevant. What are they doing in reality? What is their function day to day? I believe that one of the first decisions must be to scale down the family fortunes and the displays of opulence. The financial frivolity is dire, whilst billions of people have no clean drinking water. It is obscene!

Our former King Juan Carlos I of Spain has just disappeared into exile. His own son had withdrawn his royal cloak of protection and rather than face HIS baying subjects and give some explanations to US for HIS shambolic behaviour, he hops on a plane without leaving a forwarding address!!! This I was writing down in my book even as it was happening! It was bizarre. Rather than show HIS face, HE disappeared into exile. HE does not want to be exposed as a lying, cheating, double-dealing miscreant, the same as most other Kings and male leaders, now does HE?

The wife of course, Queen Sofía and the rest of the family, have to carry HIS burden of shame without HIM. Typical male!! That cloak of divine male protection has made this modern world possible. Every male aspires to be wealthy and have power with that wealth to dominate others. To give himself a sense of importance. It is such sad OBSERVANT behaviour, just copy the one before you! 

All of our royal families and noble families, the great land owners and property owners of every country, all of them, need to come down in their self-glory of their own magnificence. If we were all to aspire to the same style of living as the optimum life-style for happiness, we would surely have far more criminals than we do already. Fortunately many of US can see that happiness comes from having peace of mind, a sense of stability, a sense of purpose, a sense of achievement and of course, a sense of independence.

I am actually wandering into the next chapter of my first book ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN, which is entitled KEEPING UP WITH THE ROYALS. Yes, I had thought to cover these two chapters in one post but actually I think that I can see that, for me, if I just talk that will sound better. Later you can read my words in your own time, in your own space, from your own copy of my book.

Continuing with the aspirations of US, the working class and our quest for land ownership and property ownership and moving into independence. Looking to invest our wealth (where we have any) in our long term security and maybe move up in the world. The ghettos of every large town and city are the visual evidence of man-kind´s failings to care for any other than those who are part of HIS plan! These become their own landlords and control streets and neighbourhoods, for want of their own living and working spaces.

The public highways become their work place and their business is whatever others need their businesses to be. Their real world existing within another real world that they have no access to or no participation in. Gang warfare in our public streets! Killing on our city streets is a daily reality. Our man-kind here in Europe do not need permission to buy guns, oh, no! They will kill with knives or even with bare hands! Man-kind is death!

Wealth and how you use it! Well, far too many have been able to hoard immense sums of money but it has always been at the expense of others. It is time for some of these immense fortunes to be released for public reform projects in rural areas in particular. As part of their coming down in scale, as part of their redemption, as part of their HUMANIZATION.

Were they ever happy really, trapped in their wealth, fearing always that others would sooner kill them than kiss them, to get to their fortune. Thereby having to surround themselves by guards, even sleep must come with difficulty under these circumstances. They must come down voluntarily, not by force but their foundations are becoming undermined by each new generation of heirs to the fortune. More money going out than coming in!!

There is only so long that you can exist like that. Change positively or risk losing all that was your inheritance! Then maybe we could view them in a slightly more favourable light!

Do you feel an overwhelming need to be very wealthy? I know that I want my wealth to work with. I cannot understand the process of amassing great wealth, accumulating great wealth, if not to use it for something of great benefit. If that was done progressively, or if that had been done progressively through time, then surely we would not be as we are today, a world with more than three billion people whose lives hang by a thread. Tomorrow may or may not come to be for them!!

Like COVID-19 had gone away???? Next chapter which is chapter twenty-one, is entitled WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND and I check back to our ongoing COVID-19 crisis. Getting so very frustrated with our situation, my mind begins to ramble and I find myself going back down my teenage memory lane. So until then...........

I thank you as always for reading. Please FEEL welcome to comment or make communication. I would so love to hear from an INTROVERTED, INTUITIVE, FEELING, JUDGING person like myself, be they ASSERTIVE or TURBULENT at this moment in time. I feel that communication is where the possibility to stay in the ASSERTIVE lies. The TURBULENT element is so linked to the isolatory, invisible, gagged status that we all accept as ours. SPEAK UP, WE NEED TO BE HEARD. WE HAVE TO LEAD OURSELVES!!!

More INFJ reading can be found on this listing: http://lifestyle.feedspot.com/infj_blogs